jianantonic: (Seahorse)
Day two of not going immediately back to bed after dropping Toby off is going okay so far. I'm going into my office in a little bit, but not now, because they have a sales meeting every Tuesday morning and if I'm there during it, I'll be expected to attend, and...no thanks. I really hate meetings and I'm so glad these are not mandatory. So for now I'm just biding time until I do go in, and then I'll have some work to do on a couple different things. Then after that, I'm definitely going to want to come home and nap. Which IS allowed!

I did not nap at all yesterday. I'm kind of amazed at how the day went, actually. I got a lot of things done in the morning -- some work, some crafts, some chores -- then at noon, I met my friend Nick for a mini-adventure. I've been talking about wanting to go kayaking forever now, and as soon as I mentioned it to him, he found a place to go and told me we were going on the first hot day we had free. That was yesterday, so we drove down to Tualatin, each rented our own kayak, and got in the water. The Tualatin River is really calm -- we couldn't even tell which direction was "upstream." So we just rowed for a while. I'd only been kayaking one time before, and that was more "sitting in a boat on the ocean" than actually trying to move anywhere, so I didn't really know what I was doing. It took me a little while to get comfortable, but I was able to more or less control my craft. It was such a perfect day for it. Hot weather, cold water, clear air, quiet day. The homes that back up to the river there are amazing. They all have their own docks with lots of kayaks and canoes and paddle boards on them -- I was so jealous! I was like "Oh, *this* is why you would live in Tualatin." (It's a far suburb that's not very convenient to the rest of the metro area at all, so it's not as connected to Portland as burbs like Beaverton and Hillsboro are.) Even though the water was super calm, kayaking was hard work! Definitely a major core workout, in addition to arms and even legs a bit. I'm pretty sore now, but hopefully it won't last too long, because I've agreed to go to a rock climbing gym with a different friend tomorrow. I've never tried that before, so I have absolutely no idea how it will go. Hopefully I don't hate it?

After kayaking yesterday, I had therapy, and that's when the tireds really started hitting me. I was ready to go straight home and fall asleep after that. But I got some food first, and I was sitting in the cafe working a puzzle when Toby texted that he was on a train. I wasn't expecting him until much later, but since he was early, I decided to wait in town to pick him up at the transit center and bring him home with me. So we did that and then he and I worked on some of his house purchase stuff when he got here, played a couple of games, and next thing I knew, it was midnight and I was just then getting into bed. So I stayed awake from 7:30 to midnight, was active most of the day, and did no napping. Then I woke up again at 7:30 this morning. Which is why I will absolutely need a nap today. But this is the pattern I'm trying to establish, so I guess it's a good thing. I just didn't mean to go whole hog on day one.

My plans for today are pretty basic -- office, a little work, nap, a little exercise (nothing that will make me too sore for rock climbing tomorrow, though), and then a quiet night at home by myself, probably going to bed early. 
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
As per my deal with myself, I am up early and working today. No nap until later. Maybe no nap at all! (But yes, nap later.)

For my first act, I present the blog I wrote for my real estate website about clear wood!

I was going to do some Ubering in the mornings, but I want to be sure the puke smell is fully out of my car before I do that again. My DIY fix has worked somewhat well, but I think I still may end up taking it in for professional detailing. We'll see what the quote is...one place said $300 and I was like NOPE. But I think other places will do it for around $100. Uber gave me $150 to take care of it, and I spent $60 of that already on various DIY attempts, so I'd like to not spend much more.

I'm going kayaking today with my friend Nick. He found a place in Tualatin that rents kayaks and it's a hot day, so we figured it was a good time to give it a shot. That'll be a fun thing to do in lieu of snoozing all day :) I'm meeting him in a couple of hours. Between then and now, I've got a craft project to work on. It may involve a trip to the craft store, which could be really dangerous...but actually I can probably get what I need at Office Depot or something instead. Also dangerous, but much less so. Anyway, should be a fun day.

Current sleepiness level: 7. Could totally fall asleep, but can keep myself awake as long as I don't try to lie down.
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
I've been sleepier than ever the past week or so. Staying in bed until well into the afternoon most days, often sleeping the entire time. Today I got up "early" at 1:30. Sheesh. Toby and I were discussing this last night. The cause could be lots of different things. My bedtime habits have never been good -- lots of screen time and active mind activities as I'm settling down, but that's not new, so I don't feel like it can really be blamed for the drastic changes to my sleeping patterns over the past few months. It could just be that I've gradually pushed myself into a pattern of staying up much later (1 or 2 most nights), and therefore my wake up times are similarly moving backwards. I guess for a while I was going to bed/sleep as early as 7 or 8 o'clock, so even though I was waking up "early," I was still getting an insane amount of sleep. But I should be functional on 8 hours, 9 tops! And I'm just not. Another possible factor is the addiction and subsequent withdrawal from soda. My body feels much better without it and I don't want to reintroduce it, but I do have to say a lot of the big changes really do seem to line right up with quitting DDP. Maybe I just need to continue to give it time.

But anyway we brainstormed some ideas that I'm going to try to implement starting on Monday. Since I wake up at 7:30 anyway when Toby's alarm goes off, and I am up for a little while each morning to drive him to the train, I'm going to try to stay up and be productive for the first couple hours of each morning. Instead of crawling out of bed and driving him to the train in my pj's, I'll get dressed, bring my computer downstairs, and do work at the kitchen table. If I don't have work to do, I'll log into Uber and drive for a few hours. Maybe go to the gym, too. I'll still allow myself naps, but only after I've logged some serious productivity for the day. This might even mean spending some time in my real estate office. Maybe.

I have the evening free tonight, so I'm going to give myself plenty of time to wake up today -- I'm still in pj's, but I am out of bed and did cook myself an omelet for lunch. Then when I'm feeling awake, I'll log into Uber and drive around until probably 11 or midnight. There are Pride events in town tonight, so that's probably a good opportunity to make a little extra money. Today will probably be a day off from the gym -- I ran 5 miles yesterday and have been lifting more this week. Right now everything hurts, so, yeah, bed is pretty appealing right now. Back I go...
jianantonic: (Seahorse)

I keep making big changes for myself, and so far this one thing at a time approach is really paying dividends. I was able to give up soda (I don't crave it, necessarily, but I do WANT it, and I wonder if I could handle having a little bit of soda every now and then, but figure I'd best not tempt fate). I changed my diet and then exercise program and have lost 17 pounds and counting. I've changed my anti-depressants and after a bumpy switchover, I'm pretty pleased with how I feel. But my sleep is still shit. I sleep for an average of 12 hours a day -- average -- there are some days where I get only 6 or 7, so...yeah, there are some days where I sleep all day, wake up to have dinner, and go back to sleep for the night. I love sleep. But I'm obviously not doing it in a healthy way. So now my doctor has instituted a sleep prescription for me. Not pills, just rules:

Set an alarm for the same time every morning. (8am)
No electronics within an hour before bed. (Electronic curfew of 11pm, bed by midnight.)
No challenging brain stimuli within that hour, either -- so my go-to of puzzles in bed is off limits. I can read, but it has to be an actual book, not kindle. Doctor recommends doing a meditation app in this time (electronic, yes, but eyes closed, so no actual screen time).
Get up with the alarm, do active things. Exercise in the morning.

I'm giving myself time to ease into this. Like my soda elimination, I can't do this immediately all at once. For example, here's what a typical day may look like (although all my days are different):

Wake up at 8ish to take Toby to the train.
Come home, fuck around on the computer for an hour or two, then go back to sleep. Sleep in 20-to-40-minute spells until I feel like it's inappropriate to stay in bed any longer. Usually sometime around noon.
Have a food, fuck around on the computer a little more, feel a little yawny, get back in bed. Probably sleep a little more.
Around 3ish, I'll start making an effort to actually get up. After waking up, this will involve a little more fucking around on the computer before I get out of bed. I'll get dressed and go to the gym now, and actually give myself a pretty hard workout most days.
Come home, shower, make arrangements with Toby to meet up after work. Some nights I'll go into town and meet him, and we'll do a thing, other nights I'll just pick him up at the train and we'll come home and do a quiet thing, like play games and work puzzles and maybe even cook (mostly him on the cooking). Some nights he wants to go to the gym with me after work, so I let myself sleep even longer in the day because I don't have to be active until after 5 now.
We stay up doing whatever we're doing until 11 or so, then head upstairs to bed, where we'll work more puzzles together, flick some nets, have some sex, and he'll start to doze off. I'm still awake, so I'll continue working puzzles on my own, or fucking around on my computer, usually until sometime in the 1 o'clock hour. Then I'll start to attempt to fall asleep, which usually happens pretty quickly. I'll wake up a few times in the middle of the night to pee or adjust the blankets or remind myself that whatever had me upset was just a dream, and sleep happens, more or less, until 8am.

A few footnotes: all sleep is accompanied by reruns of TV shows I've seen a million times on Netflix. I don't watch them, they're just like bedtime stories that help me doze (or, you know, don't, because I'm sure that's part of the problem...but I have difficulty falling asleep without them). And when I say "fuck around on my computer," that often includes doing actual work. But it's also often facebook or bridge or some combination of things productive and unproductive.

So, changing these habits will be a process. For now I'm halfway following the electronics curfew rule -- I'm getting off my phone and computer by an hour before bedtime, but then I'm staying up doing puzzles, and then when it's time to sleep, I'll turn Netflix on, but turn the screen brightness way down. And then I still take naps during the day and I let myself Netflix then, too. Otherwise my mind just doesn't quiet down enough to sleep. And I do need the sleep. But I've been getting up and doing things in the mornings, sometimes even exercise (I mean, this is day 3 since the doctor's appointment, it's not like I have a real established pattern of anything yet). And I spent a lot of my down time driving for Uber over the last few days, so I'm out of bed, out of the house more. Getting there.

It's funny because when my doctor and I first talked in January about the changes I'd need to make, we decided the baby steps approach was more important/likely successful than doing everything all at once. But the things she considers baby steps feel like huge changes themselves! So I'm baby stepping my way through them, too. And so far it's working, and it's not terrible, and I feel good, so I guess I don't have much to complain about. But I do hope this is the last major change for a while. I'm not sure what else I'm willing to eliminate from my life!

jianantonic: (Seahorse)
I have a coworker at NCM who has had a horrible hacking cough as long as I've known him (over a year). At first, I urged him to get it checked out, but he always insisted it was just another cold. He has a baby and has always shrugged off his ailments as coming with the territory of having a kid. I've heard too many stories of people whose persistent coughs ended up being advanced lung cancers, and I've always had alarm bells in my head when he coughs. The others in the office didn't seem to notice it much at first, but in the last few weeks, everyone has been saying things. I don't think anyone is as worried about it as I am, though. They just give him shit because the coughing is annoying. In any case, he told me yesterday that he has an appointment for a chest scan coming up, so I'm feeling really relieved. But also worried that now he will get terrible news. But whatever is ailling him is doing what its doing whether he's vigilant or not, so best that he arms himself with the knowledge, anyway.

I went to an Old Crow Medicine Show concert last night with a friend. He had front row seats -- that was a lovely surprise. The show was every bit as awesome as one would expect from the description "high octane bluegrass," and was well worth falling further into sleep deprivation. I've been feeling really fatigued again lately, but I'm not sure if it's connected to vitamins (I'm still taking lots of D) or if it's just legit because I'm not sleeping much right now. I've just been constantly on the go. I'm forcing myself to take it easy for the next couple of days, though. I still have a lot on my to-do list, but I'm spreading it out to keep it as chill as possible. I didn't even bring a gym bag to work today. Instead I used my down time here to print out things for Mary's baby shower on Saturday. Tonight I have PT, then I'll do some shopping for the shower supplies I'll need to go with the activities I've planned. But I know what I want and where to get it so it should be fairly well streamlined. When I get home, I'm going to go through my closet and pull out clothes to take to Buffalo Exchange tomorrow. I have lots of great clothes that just haven't seen the light of day in ages, and my closet is overflowing, so I figure I'll do something about that. And maybe get some scratch for it. And turn around and take that scratch shopping with me on Hawthorne because I love shopping on Hawthorne and that's where the BE is. I'll go home and get to bed early and then have a peaceful weekend. There's a baby shower in there, and certainly some games and some working out, but nothing too taxing or time-consuming. I'll fill in the holes in this schedule with real estate exam prep, and this time next week, lots of things in my life should be much more settled. Just in time for basketball to start.
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
Two nights ago, Z and I sat outside with our neighbors, drinking and socializing. It was the first time he ever did that, and the first time I'd joined them in a while. We brought a bottle of cake vodka, and somehow it was empty within a couple of hours. We shared some of it, but apparently I was responsible for most of its disappearance. I enjoyed a few hours of being very happily drunk, but in the snap of a finger, it went from happy happy joy joy to omfg you are too old for this shit go lie down right now and think about what you've done! I wasn't blacked out or passed out, but I was no longer capable of uprightness.

After a few minutes of trying to gain some form of composure, I got Z to help me up the stairs and into bed. As he was tucking me in, he handed me my advanced kakuro puzzle book. I usually work on these before I fall asleep, but jtfc, a little ambitious for someone who needs to be carried up the stairs while slurring her speech and keeping her eyes closed because everything is spinning, no? I tossed the book aside and fell asleep relatively quickly around midnight.

At 3am, I woke up in the throes of a painful hangover. I thought this shit usually waited until morning like a decent kind of nuisance, but this one was all about efficiency. I never got sick; I was just in lots and lots of pain. I gave up on falling back asleep until it passed, so I took some painkillers and got back in bed with my laptop. My activity woke Z up, and he watched vugraph while I waited for the pain to subside enough to fall back asleep. It took a few hours, but I finally did get back to snoozing. Maybe around 6? Anyway I woke up again at 9, feeling totally fine and decently rested. I was then glad that the hangover had come and finished its business when it had. Z was already awake at that point, so I convinced him to go for a run with me before it got too hot. We did 3.7 miles from our house, through the park to the visitors' center and back. We didn't know the distance until we got home and mapped it, though. We were pretty proud of ourselves :)

From there we both got on about our days...it was a largely uneventful Sunday, though several times McKenzie complained in passing that he'd slept very poorly and was tired. He never blamed me, though duh, it was definitely because of me...I apologized and he brushed off my sorries, but I still felt guilty about it. Last night I made sure to get to bed at a reasonable hour, because he has to wake up early and drive to Seattle, and I wanted him to be well rested for that.

Karma can be kind of a biotch, though. At 4am, my bladder woke me up. Normally when this happens, it takes a little bit of Netflix to help me get back to sleep. Z hates that I leave the computer/TV shows on as I snooze because it keeps him up. I decided to try to get back to sleep without it this morning so as not to disturb his slumber. But then he started snoring. He's been sawing logs like a fucking lumberjacking world champion for nearly an hour now. It makes me wonder -- how has snoring not been evolutionarily snuffed out? I mean, I love my husband and still want to be married to him, and will work around this issue (though it is admittedly easier for me since we spend so few nights actually together), but back when humans were just developing and didn't have mushy feelings, wouldn't the partner of a snorer just be like FUCK THIS and move on? I know it's not necessarily a genetic thing, but still. Nature has ways of eliminating things that get in the way of our basic needs, right?

All this is to say that my husband's snoring is keeping me up in this 4am (now almost 5) hour, but I know I deserve it because I was a drunken fool yesterday. Complaining definitely helps, though.

Full disclosure: I definitely snore, too. 
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
I do not understand how it happens that I was so tired as to fall asleep at 6:30pm, but then wake up at 9pm feeling not tired at all. Now is when I would sort of prefer to be asleep. Sigh. At least I made it through the workday without crashing. Tomorrow is Hanson, and I've got the whole day to relax and rest before I go all crazy at the show, so I think I'll be fine, but still, it would be nice to be snoozing right now.

Another problem I've been having lately is that I cough when I lie down. This has been going on for several months now, and I can't pin down what's causing it. At first I thought it was allergies, but I don't think that's it anymore. I only have the cough when I'm lying down. It was bad for a while, and I had to suck on cough drops basically all night to get any sleep at all. It eased up for a bit, I weened off the drops, and was sleeping fine for a while, but still occasionally coughing for no apparent reason. In Hong Kong, it got really bad again, and now it's to the point where I'm coughing to the point of nearly puking because the cough is so forceful -- but it's almost totally a dry cough. I looked it up on the googles and it seems there could be a lot of explanations. The most likely in my case is post nasal drip, although I don't really get how that'd be consistent with a dry cough. I have always had pretty extreme post nasal drip, so I'm guessing that's what it is here, but I suppose I should talk to a doctor about it, perhaps. I just always forget about it during the day because it's only a nighttime problem and I never think hey, I should make an appointment...if it keeps bothering me, I'll try to go next week on one of my days off. I know it could be more serious so I should get it checked out just to be safe but ugh, money.
jianantonic: (Default)
I keep waking up at 3am.  East coast, west coast, it doesn't matter.  I wake up at 3am feeling pretty much wide awake.  Some days I'm able to snooze a little more, some days not, but I always hit a wall around lunch time.  I used to take 3-4 hour naps when I felt that tired, but I guessed that these naps were part of my sleep troubles, so I stopped letting myself do that.  It's not helping, though.  The only time of the day when I'm not super tired is that 3am-8am window.  Not really convenient.  I also didn't have any caffeine yesterday.  I don't know what's going on.  I've had phases of insomnia before.  I'm hoping that's all this is, and that it will eventually slink away and I can go back to sleeping like a normal person.

All that said, I'm not really complaining.  I don't have the kind of schedule that demands my energy at any particular point in the day really, so I can mostly just work around this lethargy.  

We're almost all the way moved in.  Almost all the boxes are unpacked and the place is clean and organized for the most part, with the notable exception of the guest bedroom, which is where we've piled everything we haven't felt like dealing with yet.  I had hoped yesterday would be the day we'd get through the last of it, but we were both too tired and sore to make much of an effort on it after moving the last of our stuff over from the old place.  The only things there now are my bike, our vacuum, and a pile of things to take to Goodwill.  We'll get all that today.  Hopefully we'll have the energy to organize the last of our things here, but if not, no biggie.  At least it's all here, and 75% of the place looks totally fucking awesome.  
 
I listened to the UVA WNIT game on the internet yesterday afternoon.  They beat Boston College in a close game, which was awesome, because last month when they hosted BC, they didn't score for the first 9 minutes (they were down 20-0), and ended up getting blown out.  Yesterday, it was like a different team was playing.  I think they are really driven to win this for their coach, which is another testament to how much her players love her.  It will be really sad to see her go, but hopefully she can leave on a high note -- winning the WNIT, or "65th place," as Z called it.  Though really it's 69th now because he forgot about the expansion.  Anyway it would still be sweet.  (A lot of reporters were referring to the round of 16 in the WNIT and NIT as the "Sweet Sixteen," and I decided a more apt name would be the "Bittersweet Sixteen."  Oh man, I crack me up.)
 
After the game, I made pancakes and eggs for dinner.  I get a little better at this each time I try.  It would be nice to be proficient enough to do more than one pancake at a time, though, because usually by the time I'm done cooking, most of them are cold.  I also didn't feel comfortable enough to do eggs and pancakes at the same time...but even though it wasn't piping hot, it was a tasty dinner.  And I'll get better at this.  My peanut butter cookies are still good, too.  I'm going to make a different recipe either today or tomorrow, and if they pass muster, I'll take them to game night at [info]sillygoosegirl's house tomorrow night.  Look at me being domestic.
 
Z and I watched the original Ocean's Eleven last night.  It was wild to see Vegas as it was 50 years ago.  My, how things have changed.  Also, aside from the fact that the main character's name was Danny Ocean and there was one black guy in the cast, there's not much similarity between the original and the modern adaptation.  It's a good film, though, for sure.  My biggest problem with it was that I couldn't tell any of the white male cast members apart.  They all had the same haircut and wore the same kinds of clothes, and without being previously familiar with the actors, I just never could tell which one was which.  Does anyone else have that problem watching old movies?  
 
Anyway, today is a day for tying up loose ends, tomorrow is a day for the Saturday Market and game night, and somewhere in there will be more baking.  Because I'm a glutton for punishment, apparently :)
 
Peace.

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