May. 30th, 2017 11:16 pm
jianantonic: (Default)
[personal profile] jianantonic
I had a lovely day with Diego. He's a darling. I cried 40 minutes into our day, talking about relationships and parents and stuff. I warned him ahead of time that it would happen. It's all good.

I adore him. I had a very honest chat with him about exactly how much I feel that. I've enjoyed getting to know him and want to do more of that, and obviously have a crush on him, but do not want to cross any boundaries. Coming from non-monogamy and having a crush on an unavailable monogamous person, I told him I am being very cautious, but would take cues from him. At which point he pulled me into a long hug that felt amazing and I wish I was still in it.

I think I could satisfy this lust with more hugs like that. We'll see if that comes to fruition. I hope so!

But I still have this energy that wants to be spent on things like first kisses, and while I've channelled this crushlust into some amazing sex with Toby lately, and his kisses are divine, they are also familiar and not the right water for this fire. And honestly, I don't feel like putting in the energy to finding someone new to date and make out with. That's not what I want, really. I dunno what I want. Except for that which is unavailable. Hnnngh.

Jon* suggests a random hookup. I don't think that would do it, either, and furthermore no one that's crossed my path lately has struck me as someone with whom I'd like to randomly hook up, except for Diego. Dangit.

*Jon is a friend from high school. He was a power nerd back then. I didn't know him well at the time, but if you'd told high school Meg that she'd be talking sex with Jon in 20 years, that might have been the least believable thing she could've heard.
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