Jul. 1st, 2017

jianantonic: (Default)
Just got back from dinner with Katy and Cindy. Cindy told me that McKenzie is engaged. I knew he was in a serious relationship and this news is not surprising. I did expect it to affect me emotionally...but it hasn't yet. I mean I've only known for like an hour so who knows if an emotional tidal wave is building, but it doesn't feel like it. Here's what I do feel:

I hope they don't move back to the PNW.
I do not wish them happiness, but I don't wish them anything else, either.
I'm amused that he got engaged before I did, because he was a real asshole when we broke up about how I was just going to move onto my next marriage "like you always do." (Yup, all one time I've remarried. Which he begged me for a year to do even though I didn't want to at first. Okay.)

I'm still really angry about the way McKenzie treated me in our marriage, and as we navigated our post-marriage interactions. I was no angel to him, but no one deserves the disrespect he gave me.

My happiness with Toby puts a lot of things in perspective. It makes me realize how McKenzie SHOULD'VE treated me, and how horrible his choices were in a lot of circumstances, but also it keeps me from dwelling much on that anger, because I'm happy now. So why bother? Things are good.

Cindy told me the wedding is scheduled for April 2019, because "they" want time to plan a big wedding. I'm sure "they" are very excited about their huge event. (Our jailhouse April Fool's elopement was almost too fancy for McKenzie at the time, so I really wonder how excited he is about a wedding that takes two years to plan.)

I told Toby what I'd learned, and said "this is not a call to action! Just news I have." Heh :)

I won't be surprised if more emotions find their way to the surface, but this isn't something I'm planning to dwell on. Shrug.

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Meg

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