jianantonic: (Seahorse)
I've done very little physical activity since arriving in New York. It's just been so oppressively hot, I can't muster it. I also noticed some ankle tenderness on day two of Falcon Ridge, and it remains tender still. I have NO idea what caused the issue in the first place, and it's frustrating that it doesn't really appear to be getting much better. This is at least the second ankle injury that's come out of nowhere for me in the last year. My doctor thinks it's tied to my back injury -- as I use other muscles to compensate for my weaker back, it puts extra stress on them and creates pain and injuries. Two weeks from now will be the second anniversary of that fucking accident.

Anyway I've just been lazy and eating a bunch of junk food, so I'll have some work to do to get back to where I was pre-vacation, but I am looking forward to getting back to my gym and working hard. I just hope my body cooperates with my efforts. Bleh.
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
I just completed week 7 of the couch to 10K training program. On the one hand, I feel good. I'm getting through the training program on schedule without having to repeat any failed days (yet...), and I've improved my pace a lot. I'm running the fastest I've run since before my accident. I'm doing a combination of PT stretches, cardio routines, and this program, all at my doctor's recommendation. It's really hard work, and it is paying off. I ran 2.5 miles at a 10-minute pace.

So, yeah, that's awesome. I haven't run a 10-minute mile in over a year and a half. I'm improving.

But here's the thing: when I was a 50-pounds-overweight 24-year-old, running for the first time in my life, I STARTED at a 10-minute mile pace. I ran my first 5K when I was 28, having lost a lot of weight but never having been a runner. I don't remember my exact time...something like 32 minutes, I think? So, you know, basically a 10-minute mile. And that was with hills. Almost all of my training nowadays is on a treadmill set to no incline. I've worked hard to rehab my body since my accident almost two years ago, and I'm finally *almost* to the point where I can run as well as I did the very first time I ever ran a race? Ugh, how frustrating.

My lungs can do it. My heart can do it. My muscles can do it. I don't get sore like I used to -- I'd push myself on runs and my calves and quads and hamstrings would be sore for a day or two after. Now I don't get muscle soreness. My back hurts. My bones feel like they can't hold me up anymore. This fucking car accident.

Don't text and drive, friends. The kid who hit me was probably texting. He was on a long straightaway and veered right into me without even touching his brakes. He admitted he wasn't looking up. I'm lucky I was in good shape before this happened. My injuries are limited to "not being the athlete I once was," instead of death or paralysis. It could be a lot worse, sure, but it's changed my life in a big, shitty way. I'm doing what I can to get better. But the time and effort I have to put into it just to get back to where I was before I ever ran a race is unreal. I used to have a goal to run a marathon before I turned 40. Right now my goal is a fucking 10K. Just to run a complete 10K again in my life. I've run dozens of them before. I've run 2 half marathon races and a zillion more miles of training. And now the highest I can allow myself to hope for is to be able to do something, with pain, that used to be easy for me.
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
I had a meeting with a personal injury attorney this morning about my car accident case. I'd met with another lawyer previously, but he had to refer me because he didn't have the bandwidth to take my case, though he had been very optimistic about it. The lawyer I met with today was much less so, and now I'm left wondering how to move forward with the case. Awesome. More difficult decisions.

I thought I had a much more crammed schedule today, but unless I'm completely forgetting something, I really don't. So instead of going to BodyPump at 5:30 like I usually do on Mondays, I'm going to yoga at noon. I went to pump yesterday, so it's good to give myself a day off in between. I'll go to another one soon though. And I think I really need yoga right now.

After that, I have a session with my marriage counselor, again just one-on-one rather than with McKenzie. Everything about this situation is so hard. I suppose it will be easier in the future no matter which direction we go, but knowing that doesn't make it any easier for me to move forward one way or another. I'm sad and scared all the time. It really sucks.
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
I was supposed to have a massage on Monday, but the therapist got sick and had to cancel at the last minute, so I was rescheduled for last night, and they gave me a free upgrade to the 80-minute massage for my inconvenience. Great, right? Eh. They also gave me a different therapist without telling me, and while I'm not really picky about who massages me, there are a few I don't like, and this was one of them. He's a nice enough guy, but the first time he massaged me, he did things with my legs that just made me feel really uncomfortably exposed, and it's hard to relax like that. So I wouldn't have chosen this guy if I'd known. I told him about my accident and he decided that meant he needed to spend the entire 80 minutes on my upper back. He definitely loosened it up, and I guess that's good, but today it is SO BRUISED. It hurts to move. Some massages are like that -- they kick your ass to get your body back the way it's supposed to be -- but I just wanted a relaxing rub down, and that's not really what I got. Eh, first world problems.

It's a little overwhelming to think of all that I have going on right now. My therapist and I talked yesterday about breaking things down into little goals. So here's what those look like right now:
Goal for this week: get my car registered in my name
Goal for this weekend: start work on my website
Goals for this month: get one listing and at least one real estate client (in addition to the listing)

Getting the listing and clients are tricky -- it's not like I can follow step 1, step 2, step 3 and then I'm there. I have to work for it, but the timing has to be right -- I have to meet the right people who want to do this kind of work right now and who want me to help them. So it'll be trial and error and probably lots of swinging and missing for a while, but I hope that my efforts (whatever they will be?) will result in at least a few quality matches. I'm not really sure what, exactly, I'll do to work on this, but the website is one piece, networking is certainly another -- but it's really important to me that my friends don't feel used. I'll need my contacts to help me in my career, but I still value them as friends above potential commissions. I also want to hold some open houses for other agents who have listings but don't feel like spending whole afternoons sitting around these homes. It's pretty common for new agents to do this, so I should be able to hook up with some established agents and maybe make some new contacts that way. I'm hopeful!
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
I hadn't really thought about it, but when the folks at work saw me doing my PT exercises for my neck, it became clear that I look like I'm simulating a blowjob. Except my mouth is closed. The therapist called it the "chicken neck," but really it's just me bobbing my head back and forth. And I've been doing this at my desk all day. Maybe I can claim more pain and suffering due to the embarrassment? Heh.

I'm going to see 10SS tonight. I love them so much. A new friend is coming with me. He says he will judge me based on how much he likes the show. I am not worried.

I haven't heard from the other insurance company since they told me they were accepting liability. I can't believe they haven't tried to settle the total loss yet -- every day that goes by is another day they pay for storage for the car and for my rental car. Fine by me! I'm really liking my little rental. It's a Hyundai Accent, which is basically exactly the same as our Elantra, only smaller. I like it a lot and would consider buying one, but McKenzie wouldn't fit in it, and if I'm going to have a car for driving real estate clients around, it should probably have a comfortable back seat. The back seat on the Accent is basically cosmetic, as there's no way a human person could fit back there. And anyway I really want to get another Honda, because I'm completely convinced the Accord saved my life. I'd like an Insight, but again, that's a pretty small one...maybe a hybrid Civic? I'm putting the cart before the horse here, though. First I need a way to pay for it. Gotta buckle down on that real estate stuff. It's just been really hard to focus with all the other bullshit in my life lately. I am close to done, though.
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
PT was more or less what I expected. I explained to the therapist that I'm feeling well enough, but I just want to be extra careful because I've seen so many horrible things happen with spine injuries in my job. So I'm taking it slow and listening to professionals and doing all the therapy and whatnot. He asked me a bunch of questions and just kept repeating how lucky I was to be feeling as well as I am. Even though I'm feeling like I could handle going back to my regular workouts, he told me to give it a month from the time of the accident. Soft tissue takes 4-6 weeks to heal, and even if it doesn't hurt much right now, if I strain it, I'll just make it worse and hinder/prolong/derail the healing process. So no body pump for me until October, I guess. I can run, though. Yay?

I did some grocery shopping and some chores around the house, and now I'm thinking it's just about nap o'clock. Later tonight I think I'll go for a long walk around Aloha. I'm not feeling like going to the gym if I can't do my class, but I should do some moving. And it'll be a better temperature later. For now, snoozes...
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
The other insurance company accepted liability this morning for my accident! I was in the process of gathering information to prove my car's value and take it to small claims, because the indications were that they were not going to accept full liability without a fight. But they did and it is a HUGE load off. HUGE. I feel so much better just knowing that it's taken care of and I don't have to fight for myself anymore. Moving forward now.
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
I was going to go out tonight, but I didn't. The day was too long and stressful and I just needed to come home and work my puzzle. Like a Romanian.

I took a prescription muscle relaxer for the first time ever just a little while ago, and holy shit nothing makes sense to me anymore. That shit is POWERFUL. I tried reading a bridge article and even though it was just straight reporting of results and not a technical analysis of hands or anything, I just couldn't fucking follow it. It was like trying to read another language. One of the ones I can't read. Which is most of them.

I forgot what I came here to say.

Oh, I was going to bitch about the accident some more. The other guy's insurance is being kind of a butthole about the thing. They haven't denied liability, but they hinted that they were going to because "there was nothing he could have done to avoid the accident." When she said that, I offered to hand over my cell phone records that showed I called the tow company ten minutes before he hit me -- and every other car on the road in that time managed to avoid hitting me at 60mph. When I told her that, she was like "Oh. Let me call him back..." My case is ironclad -- it's absolutely his fault and I have no doubt that I'll prevail on this point, but I don't want to have to fight it. I shouldn't have to. It's fucking ludicrous to think it was anything but his fault. He admitted he wasn't looking at the road, for fuck's sake!


I'm going to sleep and maybe have psychadelic dreams because this medication is doing interesting things to me.
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
I had a wonderfully restful night's sleep, once I got to sleep, anyway, and woke up around 10am this morning. I struck a deal with myself that for every bit of online fuck-around-itude I did, I'd have to get through a section of my real estate school first. I finished a big chunk of that this morning, and now just have a few bits to go before I'm done with the school part and can take the exams. I'll need to do a lot of reviewing before the exams, though, because a lot of this stuff went right through me as I completed it. It's kinda boring...but I'm confident the job won't be.

My neck still hurts and I'm taking some painkillers for it, but not as high a dose as the NP recommended. Too much of it just fucks with my stomach and I'm not sure the benefit is worth the cost right now. I'm not in much pain, but it does hurt to move my head up and down. It feels very heavy on my neck, so mostly I'm sitting with my head flopped down for comfort. Doing my best to stretch it and stay mobile, though.

The social media reaction to my accident is really interesting. A lot of people are commenting on the photo I posted, some friends of friends, and then some without any mutual friends between me and them. One such person commented "thank god no one was hurt!" and I'm like, um, who are you? and also, actually, I was injured, thankyouverymuch. Whatever. Apparently the posts that get the most attention are baby-related and horrifying accident photos. Anyway I'm doing okay.

David is on his way to get me for a lunch and games date, and then I'll probably get back to my schoolin' this evening. Normally I'd go to Body Pump on Monday, but I think it's wise to skip it for a few more days at least. 
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
I've had a sore neck and a headache all day, but other than that nagging pain, I've been getting around just fine. Shanon and Sloane came by to check on me in the morning, so I got some much-needed baby cuddles. McKenzie stayed home with me for the day to help me take care of other errands, like retrieving our things from the car at the tow yard. I took some pictures of it when I got there...I was worried it would be an awful trigger to see it (for either me or McKenzie), or to even drive by the scene of the accident on 26, which I did three times today, but it didn't bother me as much as I expected. Here's what the car looks like now:

It's nice that I'm familiar with auto claims, because I know exactly how the process goes and what I need to do. I'm way ahead of the game, and I found out that the other guy's insurer has an office in the same complex as mine, so I can even follow up in person if I want. I'm thinking it might be beneficial to me if they know I work in claims. They at least won't try to fuck with me. And hopefully they'll appreciate that I got a killer price on the rental car I'm charging them for, and I've already signed over the title for the total loss, so they don't have to pay the tow yard to store my vehicle while I get my act together on that. Basically I've done most of their job for them, and they haven't even seen the claim yet because it's a weekend.

McKenzie helped me get groceries for the week -- lifting isn't fun right now, so it was helpful to have him schlep all that stuff. Then we went to pick up my rental car. I should get to keep it until the total loss is settled, which, again, will be pretty speedy and will save the insurance company even more money for the rental car...the physical damage side of the loss is where I'm their dream claimant. The bodily injury claim, though, I'm a nightmare, because they know they can't dick me around. BI claims generally take forever to settle and often involve lawyers. I'm not going to hire a lawyer because I know how to negotiate it myself without handing over 40% of the settlement. But it'll probably be a long time before that part of the claim is closed, because first I have to determine either that my injuries are healed or that I'm comfortable accepting a settlement in exchange for a release of the claim, meaning I take their offer but sign away my right to ask for them to pay for future treatment. Soft tissue injuries are a bitch because they can persist indefinitely and there's no real way to treat them. You can get massage or chiropractic, but it's not like something's broken that you can just put back together. A lot of people have lifelong side effects from accidents like this. Usually it's nothing terribly serious or debilitating, but obviously I want to rule that out before I decide I'm done with the claim...either that or demand a huge fucking settlement so I can pay for treatment for the rest of my life. Anyway.

After running our errands, we went on a long walk through the neighborhood. The NP advised that I shouldn't run or lift weights until I'm feeling healed, but that I should definitely stay active to keep from getting too stiff. We walked around Aloha for about an hour, then came home and enjoyed a lovely nap. I went to games in the Pearl, and McKenzie drove on back to Oly from there. I didn't *need* him here for any of the things I did today, but I'm really, really grateful that he was here. Going through this trauma together has been a good thing for our relationship, imo. We'd been fighting and bickering so much lately, and were both so frustrated, but this sort of thing really clears away all the stupid insignificant shit and I feel like it brought our care for one another back into focus where it belongs. It didn't solve all our problems, but it put us in a much better position. Also, McKenzie loves the fact that I had a "rear-end accident." See it's funny because it's like saying I pooped in my pants. I swear to FSM that poop is the glue that holds our marriage together.

Time to pop some painkillers and get some snoozes. I know the car looks awful up there but I'm doing much better than you would think.
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
I can't sleep right now and I really wanted to write this all down before the memories start to mushify. I was in a pretty terrifying car accident yesterday afternoon. I am banged up, but mostly okay. Here's the story as I remember it.

McKenzie was in Olympia with the Hyundai (our much newer car) for a tournament, so I was driving the Honda. It's never given us any trouble, but it's an older car and Z was wary of taking it on long trips, so basically it only ever gets used when he's got the Hyundai out of town. I had intended to take transit downtown for the day, but after Body Pump, I was so tired that I came back and napped until it was too late to leave by transit and make it to the sports bar on time, so I drove. I met my fellow Hokies at Blitz Ladd in SE, watched most of a really satisfying game, and opted to leave with about 8 minutes to go in the 4th quarter. The satellite signal kept cutting out, the game was well in hand anyway, and I had shit to do, so I said goodbye to everyone and took off for home. Please note that while I was at a bar to watch the game, that was all -- I had nothing to eat or drink there.

The car seemed normal until I got to 26. Going west toward my house, there is a long hill, and once I got to said hill, I noticed the car didn't feel right. The tachometer was reading way too high, and I couldn't get any power into it. I put my hazard lights on and I got myself to the far right of the four lanes. I was about 20 yards shy of the next exit when the car just would not go another inch forward. There is no shoulder on this part of the road, but at least it is straight, so other cars could see me. I turned the car off and tried restarting it. I got it to turn on, none of the dashboard lights came on, so I figured that was a positive sign, but when I tried to hit the gas, it just rolled back. No power. So I pulled the emergency brake, turned off the car, and thought about whom to call. I took my seatbelt off, but then it occurred to me, no, I've seen a lot of accident claims from cars hitting disabled cars on the road, better leave this on. Best decision I made all day.

I dug around in the glove box looking for information about our insurance or any roadside assistance program. Couldn't find it, so I called McKenzie. He was at work and didn't get my call, so I hung up and googled towing in Beaverton. I called the number of a company we work with frequently at my office, and gave my details to the dispatcher. This call lasted several minutes, including a few-minute stretch where she put me on hold to contact a tow truck driver. Lots of cars honked at me as they drove by, some giving me the finger, as if I didn't know the freeway was a terrible place to stop a car. Nobody stopped to see if I needed help. This is not the Portland I know :( The dispatcher took me off hold and was just verifying my information when I saw the Jeep in my rear-view mirror. He was going way too fast. I knew he didn't see me stopped ahead of him. He was going to hit me. I screamed as his car approached mine at 60mph. There was nothing I could do. The impact was so hard. It felt like he pushed me forward, up that steep hill, forever. When the car came to rest, I was just screaming, in shock. I looked around me and all I saw were parts of my car that were supposed to be behind me, or over my head. Everything was crumpled. Glass everywhere. I couldn't get my door open. Luckily, the windshield didn't break, or I'm sure I'd have been cut far worse than I was. The Jeep driver got out and came to my car. "Are you OK?" he asked. I just shook my head, crying, "I don't know." "Are you OK?" he asked again -- I guess he hadn't heard my answer. My window was up, but all the other ones were broken. "I DON'T KNOW!" I wailed. He said "okay" and walked to the shoulder to wait for me. Some witnesses had stopped just ahead of us at the exit -- two different women each driving their own car. One came to my passenger side and asked if I was alright. I just shook and cried and said I didn't know. I was in pain, but I couldn't even describe the pain -- where it was coming from or how bad it was. I had so much adrenaline pumping through me that I just didn't have an answer for her question. My phone had flown out of my hand on impact, and I couldn't find it. I was looking around for it when the lady insisted I needed to get out of the car. It was too dangerous to stay in it on the freeway like that. She helped me crawl out the passenger side when I couldn't open my door. She had already called 911. The other guy had lost his phone in the impact, too. His Jeep was more or less fine -- my car had crumpled around it rather than fighting back. When I saw my car from the outside, I was horrified. The trunk was literally in the back seat. There was glass EVERYWHERE, including all over me. I can't believe I wasn't cut all over, but I guess the fact that the windshield lived is what saved me there. My airbags didn't deploy -- no idea why. Maybe because the engine was off when the impact happened? But thank heavens I'd decided to rebuckle my seatbelt, because the impact was HARD. I'd have been smashed like an egg if I didn't have a restraint on.

I just wanted my phone. I wanted to call McKenzie and tell him what happened. I wanted to call a friend who was local to give me a ride, since I clearly wouldn't be driving myself. One of the witness ladies handed me her phone to call McKenzie. It went to voice mail, so I left a rambly message describing what had happened, and saying I thought I was okay, but that I wasn't sure yet. The police showed up first. He asked what happened and told us to exchange information. I was like, wait, aren't you going to do a police report? In my job, they do police reports for every kind of accident they're called to. He said no, it was the city's policy that if there is no crime, there's no report. I didn't want to be a dick but I did wonder to myself why he wasn't at least going to write a citation for the guy who never applied his brakes as he charged up the hill and into my car. But I know how the claims process works. I know that when you get rear-ended, you have an ironclad case. It is NEVER the fault of the person who gets hit -- even when they cut off the other driver or slam on their brakes right in front of you. It's the responsibility of the other driver to be aware of their surroundings, and this guy wasn't. So I didn't get too upset about the lack of a police report. It was obvious who was at fault and anyway I had two witness phone numbers. I've processed a zillion claims just like this. I know how it's going to go. I also know that people who get rear-ended very often end up with chronic soft tissue pain issues. I was terrified that I would be somehow crippled, even though I was feeling reasonably well at the time. ODOT was next on the scene. They said the fire department was on the way, and had us fill out some paperwork so all the insurance information was available to both of us. I remember that my handwriting was barely legible on the forms, because I was shaking so badly. The ODOT guy asked if either of us needed medical attention. The other guy was fine. He said no. I thought I was fine and said I had some aches but that I didn't have any serious injuries. I didn't need medical. The truth is, I was terrified that I wasn't fine, but my refusal for care was a holdover from the days when I had no insurance. I was just terrified of how much it would cost me. I do have insurance now, and I also know that the other guy's insurance would cover any expenses I had, but I still had the cost fear. It's hard to think rationally in such a situation. They were arranging for a tow truck for my car, and I told the ODOT guy I just wanted my phone before they towed me. I needed to call for a ride home, and still hadn't reached my husband. He went back to my car to look for it for me, and he didn't find it, but he did insist that I was going to the hospital. He said hat judging from the damage to my car, I was going to need it, whether I felt it now or not. I agreed, and soon the fire department arrived and started taking my vitals. They put a temporary neck brace on me since I did complain of neck and upper back pain -- not severe, but enough to cause worry. My blood pressure and pulse were really high. They radioed for an ambulance to take me to St. Vincent's, which was just a few miles away.

One of the firemen found my phone and brought it to me. I called Mary, since she lives the closest to the hospital and I figured she could give me a ride. It went to her voice mail, and I left a rambly message for her. I then posted to Facebook asking if anyone local was free to give me a ride, since I wasn't having any luck calling people. I realized after I'd made the post and texted a few others that I had never hung up after leaving my message, so Mary had about a 3-minute voice mail at this point. Sorry, Mary. The ambulance arrived, and I didn't know what the procedure was here. I was perfectly mobile except for the neck brace, and they just sort of gestured to the back for me. One of the medics gave me a hand to stand up, but other than that there was no dramatic back board or anything. I climbed into the back of the ambulance by myself and sat in one of the seats. The medic crawled in after me and told me I had to ride in the stretcher. Why I had to get into a stretcher after I'd hoisted myself into the ambulance was unclear to me, but I let them strap me in, and I admit I was happy to lie down, anyway.

They didn't let me get out on my own, though. They wheeled me out of the back and into the ER. A nurse took my vitals at the door, and I told the story of what had happened for probably the sixth or seventh time that day -- far from the last. I can't recall how many nurses and doctors and officials I saw at the ER, but every single one of them asked for my medical history and the story of the accident all over again. After the first two nurses saw me, the EMT's unstrapped me from the gurney and brought a wheelchair for me. Again, no assistance -- I was just expected to move myself from one to the other. No big deal, I was perfectly capable of doing this, I just find it odd that for all the precautions they did take, they were so nonchalant about me moving around. (There was more of this later, too.)

Once in the wheelchair, a nurse rolled me to the waiting room and told me someone would come get me and take me to triage soon. I thought that was what I'd just done, but I guess not. I asked the nurse how long he thought I might be there -- I was considering whether or not to call my in-laws in Salem to come get me. At first I thought I'd be in and out quickly, but once at the hospital I realized it'd be a while. He said the longest wait was about 4 hours, and people were taken back based on the severity of their case. I figured mine wasn't severe at all, so I'd be there for a long time. I called Cindy and she agreed to come up from Salem. After that, another nurse came and took me to another station to take my vitals for the fourth? fifth? time and get my medical history and all that again. She finished up and wheeled me back to the waiting room and parked me facing the wall, with my back to everything. Weird, but whatever. I finally got in touch with Z while I was waiting there. I told him what had happened and what was going on, and he asked if I needed him to come home. I said I didn't think so, and he asked if he could call me back in a few minutes.

Once I hung up the phone, I heard them call my name. I raised my hand and said to the wall "that's me!," but they didn't seem to notice. They kept calling, and I kept shouting "over here!" until finally one of the other people in the waiting room was like "dude, she's over here," and another nurse came and got me. He wheeled me to a room that said "Rapid Care" or "Immediate Care" on the door -- something along those lines. I was shocked that I'd been called back so quickly and now to be in one of these rooms wigged me out a bit. Was this more serious than I'd realized? I texted Z that they'd taken me back, and he replied that he'd be here at 8. I started to cry. I hadn't realized how badly I wanted him to come until he said he'd be there. I was so relieved.

The nurse took some info that I'd already given at least three other nurses, then the hospital admin person came in and took the same info -- she said she'd passed my accident on her way into work. Once she was done, the nurse came back and said they were moving me to a room with a bed, and that the nurse practitioner would be in soon. He wheeled me to the next room, handed me a hospital gown, and told me to change into the gown and get in bed. He left the room before I could explain I didn't think I could get my shirt off on my own. I managed, though, and again moved myself from one hospital apparatus to another. The NP came in right away and started checking me for my pain symptoms. I was in pain, but nothing she did or nowhere she touched me made it worse. She decided I could come out of the collar, because I didn't have a broken neck, but she still wanted X-rays. An X-ray tech came in and wheeled me from the bed to the X-ray room. Once there, she had me get up and stand for the X-rays. All this wheeling around followed by "okay now you need to get up and move" seemed silly to me, but whatever.

She took pictures from a bunch of different angles, then put me back in the bed and wheeled me to my room again. Cindy showed up shortly after, and the NP was close behind her with the good news that nothing was broken. I was warned I'd feel worse tomorrow, but she said that I should take lots of painkillers and that I should be back to normal within a week. That was a relief to hear, but I still worry about the soft tissue issues lingering. I'm all too familiar with how these claims go. They gave me a giant ibuprofen pill and advised me to take 600mg every 6 hours, and sent me on my way.

As the adrenaline from the accident faded (it had been over two hours by this point), I realized I was in more and more pain, but it still didn't feel serious, and the ibuprofen helped a lot. Moving my head and left side hurt a lot, and my tailbone was really achy, too, but I felt okay. Cindy and I stopped for food on the way home, and Z met us there. We drove home, Cindy left, and I spent a few minutes talking to my neighbors about what had happened. One of them had driven by the accident, too, but she hadn't realized it was me until I put it on Facebook. I was fine as I told them my story, but once I got inside my house, I just fucking lost it. Couldn't stop crying. Not because I was in pain but because I was just so overwhelmed. I was also so happy that McKenzie was there to take care of me. I probably could've managed to care for myself, but I was very grateful for him. We'd had a big fight the day before, and even though we'd made up, things were still so tense, but this whole thing just brought out all the love I feel for him. I sobbed because I was happy he was there, and also scared that he wouldn't always be. Lots of emotions.

We hung out in bed for a while, and I got to sleep around 10 or 11 -- I woke up around 2, though, and decided I wanted to write out the story before I went back to sleep. I'm not that tired, actually.

I'm still pulling glass out of my hair, but I'm not in nearly as much pain as I expected to be. Who knows how I'll feel when I wake up in the morning, though.

I'll deal with insurance stuff in the morning, and we'll probably go to the tow yard to get our stuff from the Honda. I don't know if seeing it will be a huge trigger for me or for McKenzie -- I'm sure it will be a shock for him to see. I hope I don't have lasting driving fears. But that's not important right now. One thing at a time. 


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September 2017

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