jianantonic: (Seahorse)
Whenever I have a serious discussion with Toby about our future, I get very emotional and end up crying. I'm honestly not sure what the emotions are that are causing it. I'm really excited about our future. I think it comes from a place of being really grateful for him. But it's strange how it happens and I'm still not really sure why. Usually I know why I'm crying, you know?

Anyway, we've been working hard on our household lately. Lots of cleaning, prepping, and planning. We spent a lot of time today talking about what the near future looks like, and what we want to do with the house and what our plans are for one day having another house. I've got the downstairs craft area mostly tidied up and organized -- it's seriously nothing short of miraculous how much better it's looking these days! But the big project will be dealing with all the random STUFF in our bedroom. It's all got to be moved out for painting and carpeting, which is going to happen in the next couple of weeks. It's a tall order, but we'll get through it somehow. And then maybe the house will feel more grown up when we're done. We're also looking into hiring a cleaning service. I've been wanting to do that for a while.

We're also spending some time doing crafty things. We're both in the process of making items for Baby Trevor (Emily & Chris's son, due in early December). I've picked up my crochet stuff again and am trying to learn some new tricks, and Toby is a knitter. I finished a blanket last week, and now I'm moving onto a hat. Then I have a few things for myself in mind after that. We stumbled onto the Art in the Pearl festival today when we were downtown, and ended up doing a printmaking demo there. That was super fun and super easy -- we ended up ordering some materials so we can do more of it at home, and we also picked out a class to take together at the studio. I love crafty stuff -- maybe taking a real class will help me get past "total amateur" status in at least one discipline. I know myself, and how my interests wax and wane, so I'm not going to invest heavily in this new thing -- luckily the supplies are minimal and cheap, so I think it'll be a fun thing to just have around and play with sometimes. It'll be fun to try with some kids, too.

Anyway, that's what's up. Happy September, y'all.
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
Toby and I went to Ikea last night to get some basic housewares, and to discuss shelving options for making downstairs more kitten-friendly. Cleopatrick is getting a little more curious about the rest of the house, and we'd like to go ahead and open it all up to him, but my craft and puzzle areas are not ready for cats yet. Luckily he's still really timid about going downstairs, but I don't think that will last much longer.

It was really nice to do housey things with Toby. He spends almost all of his time here, but he doesn't officially live with me, and so far all the house decisions have been mine. But he mentioned last week that he'd like to get to work on some around-the-house projects, and I'm really thrilled to get into that with him. Bit by bit, we're going to adultify this house. We started last night by getting some new flatware for the kitchen, and purging all the old stuff that is mismatched and getting kinda grody. He calls it "rationalizing," which I guess is the British terminology for decluttering/organizing/updating. A few other smaller projects are on our list, and the main big thing is new carpet...I'm really getting anxious to replace what I've got here. It's getting to the point where it just grosses me out and it's got to go. Hopefully we can get that done soon.

Emily is coming to visit in a week, so I'm super excited about that, too :) I have some craft projects in mind that I bet she'd kick ass at, so maybe that's something we can do. I'm also kind of obsessed with kayaking (now that I've gone all of one time!) and hope we'll have a chance to do that while she's here, too. (Emily, pack a swimsuit!) Time to get up and get on with the rationalizing :P
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
I had a doctor's appointment today to follow up on some of the things I've been working on and to check in. Have I mentioned how much I love having good insurance? I see my doctor every month just to check in like this. It's an amazing level of support.

Anyway, one of the things we did was rate how I feel about various areas of my life/health on a 1-10 scale. I had high scores in a couple of areas, but mostly I've been feeling like a completely useless failure, and that's affecting everything...most of the scores I gave myself were in the 2-4 range. I mentioned to my doctor that I'm feeling overwhelmed with so much I need to work on, improve, etc. But I did give myself credit for the work I've been doing around my house. I've been working hard, getting rid of a ton of clutter, and I'm proud of myself for that. She gave me lots of encouragement here, as well as an analogy that helped me step back from a lot of the negative self-talk I've been doing.

You know how when you clean a big mess, you have to spread things out and it looks even messier before it can be clean? She said that's where my health is right now. I'm doing the right things (giving up soda, changing some dietary habits, working out hard/frequently, continuing therapy), but my body is in the early stages of a major overhaul, and it feels like a train wreck right now. But that's one of the phases I have to go through to get to where I want to be. Okay then. Onward.

It was really helpful to have so many of my struggles validated. I really feel like this doctor understands and cares. She also checks in by email every couple of weeks. I've mentioned I love this insurance plan, right? The difference between this (silver level) and the plan I had last year (bronze) is night and day. Last year I paid $173/month to cover mostly nothing, really. This year I'm paying $273/month and I have NO copays, and I've already had like 12 (seriously) doctor visits this year. I can go to these doctors for ANYTHING I need, and it's covered. There are always same-day appointments available (ZoomCare only lets you book day-of for basic services). They have every kind of specialist I've ever heard of, and I can get on-demand appointments with any of them. $273/month is not a small chunk of change, but considering all the care I'm getting in all arenas of my health, it's a fucking bargain. But I'm privileged enough that I can afford this -- I don't feel like I should have to pay this much -- no one should. I think this is what healthcare SHOULD be at all levels. But we've got some shit to clean up before that's a reality. Soon, I hope.
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
I am 32 years old (and a half, as of tomorrow), and for the first time in my life, I live alone. It'll be very brief as I have an airbnb person checking in today to stay for a month, but whatever, I'm the only permanent resident of my home. It's weird. It's liberating. It's sad. It's overdue.

I have feelings.

But right now I'm just sort of in awe of the space that I have. The closets? Mine. The bathrooms? Mine. Pantry, fridge, walls, garage, etc...this stuff is just mine, and I can rearrange it (or get rid of it) as I please. Wow.

Dan moved his things out while I was away this weekend for the Napa Valley Ragnar Relay. The race was an amazing experience for me. I signed up back in April or something, and I've been dreading it (but not preparing for it) ever since. The last couple of weeks, I put in extra time at the gym, but still not really running -- just extra minutes on the elliptical, a little more weightlifting, not skipping days. I had no idea how that would translate to running, but it was better than I'd hoped. I had 3 great runs and I'm really anxious to do it again. I may have finally discovered something of a runner's high. My team was great and I loved the experience and I have a lot more to say about it, but I'm still tired and have shit to do around my house before the airbnb person checks in, so I'll leave it at that for now. It was good.

I did pull a muscle, though. Not during the run, of course, but while I was taking my shoes off after my second leg. Guess what I pulled...you're not going to guess it. A kegel. I didn't even know that was fucking POSSIBLE, but the repeated twinges I get when I shift my weight tell me that it is very real. Dang. But I love a good story, so of course I consider this worth it. And my tail bone is a little worse for wear after the race, so basically my whole bottom area is a disaster zone. Moreso than usual.

A friend is on his way over to help me do some chores -- I wonder if he knows that's what he's coming over to do...but anyway I should get moving on those things.
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
McKenzie and I had no real plans yesterday -- one of our first and only days off at home together for the foreseeable future -- and it looked like it was just going to be another lazy day off, which is more or less fine, but I do start to hate myself if I spend too much time doing nothing, so every couple of hours, I'd poke at him to see if he wanted to go out or do anything. I went to the gym on my own when I woke up, but after that it was a lot of lounging time. I did squeeze one board game out of Z at lunchtime, but then it was back to bed for some more lazing. But then around 3pm or so I just got sick of doing nothing, sick of having a messy room, sick of all the stuff I was putting off, and I just kind of snapped into action. I recruited Z into helping clean, and a few hours and five loads of laundry later, our room was all clean with everything put away. We moved a dresser to make room for my craft table, and then I moved all my bead stuff into the nook by the window, clearing up the guest room for actual guests again. Z did some work downstairs and got the kitchen looking pretty good. Who knows how long the tidiness will last, but it was like a huge weight lifted when we finished all those chores. And having my crafts in my room is much more convenient than where I had put them -- I'll probably do more now.

Today I'm at work, and then the rest of the month is kind of a whirlwind. Chris will be visiting this weekend, then next weekend I'm visiting Emily, then I work a full week so I have the next week off for Bermuda. Then it gets quiet again for a little while. I like the travel, but the quiet is always welcome when it gets here.
jianantonic: (Default)
I have been part lazy and part productive today.  I was in bed for 12 hours, not all sleeping, but a good bit of it.  When I finally got up, I did some cleaning, laundry, dishes, and walked to the grocery store.  Got some groceries, came back and flopped down on the couch to eat lunch and be lazy some more.  Got bored of that, got up and cleaned a bit more.  It feels like I've done a lot of cleaning.  The house still looks like a fucking disaster.

I always hoped that my messiness would be something I'd eventually grow out of, like acne or Sesame Street.  Incidentally, I have outgrown none of these things.  I feel like a failure in this aspect of adulthood.  It's not as melancholy as it sounds...I mean, I don't hate myself for it or anything.  I just wish I were better at keeping my house and my things in order.  Everyone else I know has a nice home.  Even when they say things like "Oh man I'm sorry it's so messy," I'm like, please.  I wish my space looked that good on a good day.  Everyone else I know from childhood who had a messy room or even dorm has since grown out of it.  My brothers were far messier than I've ever been, and they both have very tidy homes now.  Will the clean gene ever kick in for me?  Outlook is not good.

When we first moved here, we kept it relatively tidy for a while.  But then my travel picked up again and we stopped having people over as often and I accumulated more stuff...and now there's just not a place for everything.  Or maybe there would be if I would do a better job of staying on top of it.  I just got rid of TONS of clothes, though I admit that my pace of buying clothes has not slowed any.  It's not that I need more square footage; I just need more closet and dresser space.  And maybe some more shelves in general.  My problem is that every surface area gets covered with things.  Papers, books, a jigsaw puzzle, clothes, purses -- my shit is everywhere.  Right now five of my purses are sharing this couch with me, and that's after I put some away :/.  Those can be put away easily enough, but there's just so much stuff.  Maybe I am a bit of a hoarder.  I never thought that I was, but I do have a bunch of random piles of papers in really inconvenient places, stacked high with things that I didn't think should be thrown away -- not that I'd know where to find them now anyway.  Maybe I should just get rid of all that shit.  It can't be too important.

Ugh.  Cleaning sucks.  I am reasonably satisfied with my progress so far, though, and I know I'll be happy with the end result...I just want to fast forward to the part where I'm done.

I'm also really tired and would like to take a nap, but I'm not sure that's a good idea...my 5K is at 8pm.  I only signed up because a friend wanted me to do it with her, and then she hurt her foot and can't do it...but I still am...because I'm crazy, I guess.  Whine.


Feb. 7th, 2012 09:54 am
jianantonic: (Default)
I'm currently sporting a one-pack.  I have the abdominal definition around the outside of the would-be six-pack, but still have some firming up to do before the individual beers, or whatever we're calling the ab muscles, show themselves clearly.  My trainer asked me to set my goals for the month, and I think a good one would be to make it a two-pack.  Get that nice line down the center...then I'm on pace for the sixer by summer.  Heh.

I'm making my way through my to-do list for the week, including actual work.  We got my office all set up yesterday.  All that's left is to get a futon for this room so we can still use it as a guest room when necessary.  We found one we liked at Ikea, but it wouldn't fit in our car so we haven't purchased it yet.  

I really, really love where I live.  My apartment is great, my neighborhood is great, Portland is so beautiful I could cry...just feeling generally pleased with the state of things right now.  It's been gorgeous out and I've been doing a lot of walking.  My South African tan is still hanging in there, but will probably be gone soon.  I can't believe I was there just last week.  It feels like a different universe.  Last week I was looking inside one-room shanties that housed families of 10 or more -- now I'm writing a guide for super wealthy people to play the options market.  Crazy.
jianantonic: (Default)
Today was one of those days where I took care of a bunch of crap I'd been meaning to do for a long time.  Maybe it's the New Year's spirit or something.  Z and I are very good about putting our dirty laundry in hampers and doing laundry when necessary, but the system breaks down at the putting away clean clothes point.  So it was basically to the point where the entirety of both of our wardrobes was taking over our apartment, and it was impossible to find underwear and socks, so we finally took care of all that, put everything in its place, and cleaned up our room quite nicely.  It feels good to have that behind me.  For now.  I hate how laundry is a renewable resource.  But I guess I do like that I get to wear my favorite things more than once.

I also joined the local 24 Hour Fitness.  It's about a half mile from my place, so I jogged over there to check it out.  They have a few Les Mills classes (not Body Flow, my favorite, but they do have Pump, which I would really like to do more regularly) and plenty of yoga.  Lots of great equipment, pool, and no contract.  So I was pretty well sold on it.  I finally canceled my Gold's membership, since we don't have one near us and I don't get to Charlottesville as much as I used to...though that may be changing after all.  Heh.  I'll have to get my friends at UVa to let me into their gyms on guest passes or something.  Hmm...do I have any friends at UVa?  There may be a flaw in this plan.

Z takes off tomorrow morning for a week in Monterey, and this will be my last week at my temp job.  Friday is supposed to be my last day, but if they want to cut me loose sooner, I won't say no.  I'm leaving early tomorrow anyway so I can make it to the bar to watch the Sugar Bowl with the other Portland Hokies.  We used to get like 6-10 people pretty regularly for these games, but this year it's been more like 30-50 people showing up.  It's a great group.  

Wednesday I have a session with a trainer at the gym, and then I have another long weekend before a Blazers game and my trip to Charlottesville.  Life is returning to exactly the kind of whirlwind I love the most.  
jianantonic: (Default)
I just got back from a really fun evening of games and Thai food at [livejournal.com profile] sillygoosegirl's place.  I think it is SO COOL that she and I "met" here on livejournal in 2005, when I lived in Harrisonburg and she was in Chicago, we've both since lived in several different places, and now she lives a ten-minute walk from my place.  And she's my age and plays bridge.  It really is a small world, in a big way.

I love how walkable my neighborhood is now.  Bikeable, too, as soon as I get a pump to inflate my tires.  I once biked nine miles on two flat tires.  That was one of the most uncomfortable things I've ever done.  But anyway I love my new neighborhood and while I'm excited about all the things I get to do over the next few weeks (travel to Florida, New York, Philly, Charlottesville), I'm really really excited to get back to this place.  I love Portland, I love Beaverton, I love my neighborhood...being here makes me happy.

One thing that does not make me happy...UVA women lost tonight.  It was close, too.  So Debbie Ryan ends her 34-year coaching career with a quarterfinals loss in the 2011 WNIT.  What a ride it's been.  I'm anxious to see who her replacement will be.  Everyone in Charlottesville is really hoping it'll be Dawn Staley.  I'd love to see that, too, but the word is that her job at South Carolina is probably cushier than she'd want to leave.  Other possible candidates are Jenny Boucek, Tonya Cordoza, and Nicky Caldwell.  Jenny was one of my favorites when I was little.  I don't know much about the other two, but Tonya is an alum, and Nicky worked as an assistant here before working under Pat Summit at Tennessee and now is the head coach at UCLA.  Tonya took Dawn Staley's old job at Temple when Dawn moved on to USC.  And Jenny was coaching in the WNBA until her team folded.  So I'm guessing she's the most available of the possibilities.  It will be interesting to see who they bring in, but right now I'm really sad for Debbie.  She was a huge part of my childhood.
jianantonic: (Default)
I keep waking up at 3am.  East coast, west coast, it doesn't matter.  I wake up at 3am feeling pretty much wide awake.  Some days I'm able to snooze a little more, some days not, but I always hit a wall around lunch time.  I used to take 3-4 hour naps when I felt that tired, but I guessed that these naps were part of my sleep troubles, so I stopped letting myself do that.  It's not helping, though.  The only time of the day when I'm not super tired is that 3am-8am window.  Not really convenient.  I also didn't have any caffeine yesterday.  I don't know what's going on.  I've had phases of insomnia before.  I'm hoping that's all this is, and that it will eventually slink away and I can go back to sleeping like a normal person.

All that said, I'm not really complaining.  I don't have the kind of schedule that demands my energy at any particular point in the day really, so I can mostly just work around this lethargy.  

We're almost all the way moved in.  Almost all the boxes are unpacked and the place is clean and organized for the most part, with the notable exception of the guest bedroom, which is where we've piled everything we haven't felt like dealing with yet.  I had hoped yesterday would be the day we'd get through the last of it, but we were both too tired and sore to make much of an effort on it after moving the last of our stuff over from the old place.  The only things there now are my bike, our vacuum, and a pile of things to take to Goodwill.  We'll get all that today.  Hopefully we'll have the energy to organize the last of our things here, but if not, no biggie.  At least it's all here, and 75% of the place looks totally fucking awesome.  
I listened to the UVA WNIT game on the internet yesterday afternoon.  They beat Boston College in a close game, which was awesome, because last month when they hosted BC, they didn't score for the first 9 minutes (they were down 20-0), and ended up getting blown out.  Yesterday, it was like a different team was playing.  I think they are really driven to win this for their coach, which is another testament to how much her players love her.  It will be really sad to see her go, but hopefully she can leave on a high note -- winning the WNIT, or "65th place," as Z called it.  Though really it's 69th now because he forgot about the expansion.  Anyway it would still be sweet.  (A lot of reporters were referring to the round of 16 in the WNIT and NIT as the "Sweet Sixteen," and I decided a more apt name would be the "Bittersweet Sixteen."  Oh man, I crack me up.)
After the game, I made pancakes and eggs for dinner.  I get a little better at this each time I try.  It would be nice to be proficient enough to do more than one pancake at a time, though, because usually by the time I'm done cooking, most of them are cold.  I also didn't feel comfortable enough to do eggs and pancakes at the same time...but even though it wasn't piping hot, it was a tasty dinner.  And I'll get better at this.  My peanut butter cookies are still good, too.  I'm going to make a different recipe either today or tomorrow, and if they pass muster, I'll take them to game night at [info]sillygoosegirl's house tomorrow night.  Look at me being domestic.
Z and I watched the original Ocean's Eleven last night.  It was wild to see Vegas as it was 50 years ago.  My, how things have changed.  Also, aside from the fact that the main character's name was Danny Ocean and there was one black guy in the cast, there's not much similarity between the original and the modern adaptation.  It's a good film, though, for sure.  My biggest problem with it was that I couldn't tell any of the white male cast members apart.  They all had the same haircut and wore the same kinds of clothes, and without being previously familiar with the actors, I just never could tell which one was which.  Does anyone else have that problem watching old movies?  
Anyway, today is a day for tying up loose ends, tomorrow is a day for the Saturday Market and game night, and somewhere in there will be more baking.  Because I'm a glutton for punishment, apparently :)
jianantonic: (Default)
I'm doing what I can to improve my situation.  I spent the weekend doing absolutely nothing, and it was just what I needed.  I told myself I was diving back into everything yesterday, and I really gave it my best shot.  Today has been moderately productive already.

Over the weekend, I did venture out to meet up with the local Hokie club for the game on Saturday.  That was a good time, and I'm meeting them again next Thursday for the Georgia Tech game.  Thursday night games are incredible, but I'm sad that there's no Hokie football this weekend.  It's something I really look forward to.  I also went to the store and bought some jigsaw puzzles, one of which I completed yesterday.  I left it out on the table in its finished form for probably less than a minute before taking it apart and putting it back in the box so I could start another one.  I am a lunatic.

Sunday was a true do-nothing day.

Yesterday, I kept my promise to myself, with a little help from some friends I enlisted to make sure I stayed on task.  I got some work done in the morning, then I went to my first therapy session.  After that, I had lunch, worked some more, and then vegged for a little while...only slightly longer than I intended to let myself.  About 90 minutes later than I'd originally intended, I went up to the gym.  I got on the treadmill and programmed it for 35 minutes:  2-minute walking warmup, 30-minute jog, 3-minute walking cooldown.  I had very little hope of completing the workout as planned, but I went for it.  About five minutes into my run, another girl came in and got on the other treadmill.  She was very cute, in every sense, and even had on a coordinated outfit with a cute flowery t-shirt with the word RUN printed very cheerfully on the chest.  And she looked like a runner, and I felt like an ass plodding along on my treadmill as she glided on hers.  But having her there next to me ignited my competitive drive, and I didn't even let myself think about walking as I continued my workout.  Then, about 25 minutes into my run, she stopped, got off, and left.  She'd only come for a 20-minute run.  Now, looking at her, I'm sure she could go for hours if she wanted.  She's undoubtedly in better shape than I.  But it still filled me with pride to "outlast" her on the treadmill.  And that actually made my last 5 minutes pretty easy.  All in all, I did 3.3 miles, and I felt pretty good about it.

My wrist is still giving me too much trouble for me to risk any upper body weightlifting, but I'm trying to mix in some strength things, too.  I'd really like to work with a trainer at a real gym for a while, but I don't think that's realistic with my schedule.  Sigh.

I've gotten a lot of work done this morning, or at least, I've spent a lot of time doing work.  Some of it took me a while.  I'll get back to it in just a moment; I just needed to take a break and recap my last few days.  I don't know why it helps, but it does.



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