Article on How to Die

Possible TW for suicide and death.

NPR had a really interesting story this morning on one woman's choice to end her life, and to prepare her family for it.

Basically, the woman was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease, and decided that when the disease had progressed to a certain point, she would end her life. She told her family as soon as she made her decision, which turned out to be a few years prior to her actual death. When she reached the point at which she was ready to go, the family gathered and had a celebration of her life, with her present. Then they gathered again, separately, as she ended her life a few days later. It's a really beautiful story, actually.

With Alzheimer's Disease in my family, it hits close to home. My maternal grandmother slowly slipped away over the last 11 years of her life. She had so little dignity in the last decade, and while her death was sad, it was also overdue and welcome when it came. I don't think anyone in the world would choose to live the way she did. It's just that by the time the disease has gotten to the point where life is no longer really life, the person affected doesn't have the capacity to bring it to an end. It's very sad, and the woman in the article addressed this issue rather perfectly, imo.

The article also talks about how her approach made the grieving process easier on her family. When Marma (my paternal grandmother) died, I was not expecting it and I was devastated. But after the shock wore off -- this was the first really close death for me to deal with in my life -- I realized that she HAD actually prepared us all, and exited on her own terms. Her 90th birthday had been two weeks prior, and her whole family had gathered for a large, but low-key celebration. We didn't know at the time she was saying goodbye, but I think that she did.

She died at home of an apparent heart attack. I found her in her room, on the floor next to the jigsaw puzzle she'd been working. I don't suppose she had it figured out down to the minute, but she was comfortable and ready. Our family priest came to speak with us the next day, and told us of conversations he'd had with her in recent weeks. She had told him that she knew her time was coming, and she was ready. I was able later to look back on conversations that she'd had with us where she was preparing us for this, too. I hadn't been willing to hear or accept what she was saying at the time, but she had told us that she'd been feeling weaker, and mentioned several times when she had thought she was dying. I took it as nonsense at the time, because obviously she hadn't died, but the point of it was that she was talking about it not with fear, but with acceptance. It wasn't an "OH SHIT" moment; she was telling us that she felt like she was dying, and she was prepared. It was hard to hear at the time, but I'm glad now that she had those conversations with us.

I miss her every day and wish I had more time with her, but I'm glad the time we had was full of wonderful memories. I don't remember her as a frail and broken old woman. She was a steel magnolia to the end.

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It's been a really good few days. McKenzie and I are working hard on changing our perspectives so that we stop expecting negativity from the other. I'm honestly blown away by what an amazingly positive impact this attitude shift has had. I'm trying to be more conscious of when he's bidding for my attention, and vice versa, and we're just trying extra hard to engage each other. Not forcing it, but seizing opportunities. It's working beautifully so far. We had a really nice trip to Klamath Falls for the weekend. We listened to Jon Stewart's "America: The Book: The Audiobook" on the way down, and finished it just as we were pulling into our hotel.

We played two days of bridge and then drove home after the Swiss on Sunday. As is our grand tradition, we finished 2nd in the pair event. That's not just my tradition with Z -- I think I have more 2nd place finishes than any other results combined. Not a bad way to be, but I'd love to actually WIN more often. Oh well :)

I'm working the first half of this week so I can fly back to Virginia on Thursday for the big huge Massie reunion on the farm. I'm so unbelievably excited. Lucy is already in Charlottesville staying with my parents this week, so I've been checking in with them each day and talking to her a lot. You guys. My niece is so cool. I love that kid. I can't believe she's 10 years old. She's amazing. I can't wait to see her, and the other two nieces, and the hundreds of other relatives that will be at Pharsalia this weekend.

I was just going to pack a carryon, but I've just been informed that I will be returning to the PNW with the at-long-last-completed bridal shower/slightly-belated-first-anniversary quilt for Emily and Chris. I'm really psyched to see that finished product, too. Emily, when are we getting together for the quilt exchange? And by exchange, I mean I just give it to you; you don't have to give me a quilt in exchange. I know they don't have the fourth of July in Canadia, but maybe you can come down that weekend anyway and run a 10K with me.

Oh yeah. I signed up for a 10K. It's called the Red, White, and Blues Run, and it's at the Portland waterfront on 7/6. It's my first time doing a course that loops on itself -- it's a 5K course, and those that run the 10K just do it twice. I'm somewhat concerned that I'm going to hate this particular format -- I'll be mentally prepared to go around again, but there's still something really bummery about seeing a finish line and then having to run the opposite direction. Oh well. I've got nothing to prove. I'm just gonna run. Or walk. Whatever. I'm going 6.2 miles that morning, somehow :)

I'm doing a 5-mile practice run tomorrow with Rigo, since I haven't done more than 5K since my half marathon. I should probably make sure my legs are still up to it. I think probably they are...then I'm meeting Marissa after work for noms and walks in our beautiful city. Antidepressants are great and all, but nothing's better for my psyche than walking around Portland.

Two more days of work (and really challenging workouts!), then I'm off to the east coast. Life is still far from perfect, but I'm in a great fucking mood nonetheless. I hope it lasts awhile.