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Nov. 2nd, 2014 07:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jianantonicI know it's been a while. Life is crazy. Even moreso than usual. When I have the energy to talk about it all, I'll give a thorough update, but basically I'm busy all the time and stretched pretty thin right now. Things are hard and I'm emotionally taxed, but I'm hanging in there. I've asked my therapist for a psychiatrist referral -- I think it's time to talk about my meds and probably make some changes.
All that said, I'm getting a lot done and feeling good about my general progress in life. I'm struggling hard with depression and the hopelessness that comes along with it, but one good antidote for hopelessness is making tangible progress wherever I can. This weekend I really doubled down on making progress.
The tough thing about my depression, or maybe just my personality, is that facing down the beginning of a task makes me feel even worse than procrastinating. I look at the work ahead of me and think I have no idea how to do it, or even how to find out how to do it, and I just crumple. I end up putting it off more anyway because I can't do it, and then on top of procrastinating, I hate myself. It's a fun cycle!
My fish tank has been weighing on me for years now. I've owned it for 2 years, and I just haven't done anything to get it going. I've tried to try, but I don't know what I need. I've gone to pet stores and asked for help and they've directed me to youtube, but the thing about youtube is that no one has exactly the same tank that I have, and since I'm totally unfamiliar with it, I don't know which parts on my tank correspond to what else, or what the things I own even do -- so even online tutorials were overwhelming.
Finally I just asked for help. I asked my neighbor if he would come over and help, since he has a saltwater tank of his own. I asked Jen if she would project manage me in this, and keep me on task. I emailed Lorie and Shanon and asked them to come over this weekend and help with other things. And everyone stepped up for me. Neighbor Matt spent a couple hours here today, talked me through all my equipment, and helped me set it up. We cleaned the whole apparatus and got it all hooked up properly. It's ready for water now. Tomorrow I'll go to the shop and get water, a heater, and live rock. (They sell water pre-mixed for salt tanks, so it's less work at home.)
I have a 10am running date with a new acquaintance. It's good that I've scheduled this, so I'll definitely get my run in tomorrow. Here's my to-do list for tomorrow, to keep my momentum going:
Finish blog post for website, get my URL set up, and turn on search engine visibility
10am run
Go to the aquarium store and get a heater, water, and live rock. Talk to the owner about my next steps. WRITE DOWN WHAT HE SAYS.
Get the water into the tank and do whatever else I can do now, which is probably not much. I have to let water cycle for 3-4 weeks.
Lunch noms.
Continue working in the back yard.
Shower, nap?
Dave comes over for dinner and games. Should be a nice reward at the end of a busy day.
All that said, I'm getting a lot done and feeling good about my general progress in life. I'm struggling hard with depression and the hopelessness that comes along with it, but one good antidote for hopelessness is making tangible progress wherever I can. This weekend I really doubled down on making progress.
The tough thing about my depression, or maybe just my personality, is that facing down the beginning of a task makes me feel even worse than procrastinating. I look at the work ahead of me and think I have no idea how to do it, or even how to find out how to do it, and I just crumple. I end up putting it off more anyway because I can't do it, and then on top of procrastinating, I hate myself. It's a fun cycle!
My fish tank has been weighing on me for years now. I've owned it for 2 years, and I just haven't done anything to get it going. I've tried to try, but I don't know what I need. I've gone to pet stores and asked for help and they've directed me to youtube, but the thing about youtube is that no one has exactly the same tank that I have, and since I'm totally unfamiliar with it, I don't know which parts on my tank correspond to what else, or what the things I own even do -- so even online tutorials were overwhelming.
Finally I just asked for help. I asked my neighbor if he would come over and help, since he has a saltwater tank of his own. I asked Jen if she would project manage me in this, and keep me on task. I emailed Lorie and Shanon and asked them to come over this weekend and help with other things. And everyone stepped up for me. Neighbor Matt spent a couple hours here today, talked me through all my equipment, and helped me set it up. We cleaned the whole apparatus and got it all hooked up properly. It's ready for water now. Tomorrow I'll go to the shop and get water, a heater, and live rock. (They sell water pre-mixed for salt tanks, so it's less work at home.)
I have a 10am running date with a new acquaintance. It's good that I've scheduled this, so I'll definitely get my run in tomorrow. Here's my to-do list for tomorrow, to keep my momentum going:
Finish blog post for website, get my URL set up, and turn on search engine visibility
10am run
Go to the aquarium store and get a heater, water, and live rock. Talk to the owner about my next steps. WRITE DOWN WHAT HE SAYS.
Get the water into the tank and do whatever else I can do now, which is probably not much. I have to let water cycle for 3-4 weeks.
Lunch noms.
Continue working in the back yard.
Shower, nap?
Dave comes over for dinner and games. Should be a nice reward at the end of a busy day.
