Marching to the beat of a different mandolin

Birthday week has been fantastic! Let's back up to last weekend. On Saturday, Toby and I went to Seaside and played a weekend of bridge. The weather was crap, but the tournament was a good time. It was Toby's first real bridge against decent competition, and we did about as well as a pair can be expected to do in such cases...45% and 41%. Sure I'm disappointed we didn't scratch on Saturday, but that wasn't really even remotely expected. On Sunday, Joe and Amy joined us for the Swiss teams. I have too many points for the team to compete in the limited games, so we were in the A/X field, which was 6 9-board rounds. Any bozo can win short rounds, but 9-board rounds are pretty tough. It's generally long enough for the better team to win, and with one complete novice on our team, the expectations were not high. But we won 3 out of the 6 matches! And all but one of our losses was a close one! All in all it was very good, and we actually tied for 2nd in X, which was worth a little more than our match awards were. So Toby has his first silver points and I'm very proud :)

On Wednesday, I had one of my biggest crowds ever at trivia -- it was standing room only at the Jolly Roger with 10 teams playing. It was awesome to have such a big crowd, and it meant I actually got some kinda decent tips.

Thursday was our birthday. Toby went to work, and Nick came over for our weekly nap, lunch, and board games. I felt like walking up to Rainy Day Games just to see if there was anything new I should buy myself for a birthday present. $100 and three games later, Nick and I came back to my place to test one of them. It's called Castles of Caladale. It's Carcassonne-ish. A little faster and lighter than that. I've only played it as a 2-player game so far, but it plays up to 4. I like it. I also picked up two new expansions for Mystic Vale. It's a newer game we've been playing with our game group, and I really like it, but it's not very well balanced. It's the kind of game where a bad bit of luck can get you irretrievably behind, and then it's just a slog until it's over. But the guys at the shop said the expansions help balance it a lot, so I'm excited to try them out. Hopefully we'll give that a go at our game night tomorrow. Toby had a work team thing after work, so we moved our birthday celebration to Friday night. I'm glad it worked out that way, because we ended up getting to do a little extra partying.

Toby made reservations at Epif, a vegan South American-inspired restaurant in NE (not that there are any vegans in South America, but the food was good!). We dressed up all fancy and took transit out there so we could get our drink on if we decided we wanted to. There was a gelato place right next to the restaurant, so naturally we went there for dessert. We decided to go back downtown to the Barrel Room, where I used to host trivia, for some drinks before heading home. It's a really fun dueling piano bar on weekends, and the show was just revving up when we arrived. We didn't really intend to stay long, but we got sucked in -- it's just such a fun atmosphere. I texted our friends Jared and Auburn, who are usually out on the town on Friday nights, and sure enough, they were nearby and were happy to join us.

For some reason last night, the bar was serving all cocktails in solo cups, so I got a nearly-full solo cup of martini. Hilarity ensued. Well, really just a lot of drunken dancing. But then at the end of the night, I made out with Auburn a little bit. I'd never kissed a girl before. Felt like the thing to do. :)

Toby and I rode the last Max home, and we did the things couples do when celebrating birthdays, followed by sleep.

I had plans to play bridge with Joe today at the club at the south waterfront at 1, but I had no intention of waking up sooner than noon. Somehow, though, both Toby and I were awake by 10, and the weather was splendid, so we decided to go for a bike ride. We rode a few miles and got breakfast, then rode to the train. We trained into Portland, and I rode another couple of miles from the Max stop to the bridge club, all along the river. It was beautiful. Joe and I had a nice game, and I reversed the ride for the way home. Lots of good exercise on a beautiful day. I've been super tired since bridge, though, and will probably fall asleep early tonight.

Also yesterday, I made it back to Weight Watchers for my first weigh-in since returning to the program a week ago. I was down almost 3 pounds! I gained a frightfully discouraging amount of weight in the clinical drug trial I was in, so I've got a long way to go before I'm happy with my body again, but it was nice to start with a good week. I hope I can keep it up! Toby and I are sticking with the 100 pushups program, too. I've repeated a few weeks along the way, but will be starting week 5 tomorrow. I can definitely see a difference in my arms. Just gotta keep on with it. Tomorrow will be a running day. After sleeping in.

This is the entire text of the birthday email I got from my dad last month. He is a man of few words. I keep going back and looking at this email because it cracks me up every time. Here it is:

I'm not to the point yet where getting older myself is a concern, but the indirect implications are what bother me. I'm a couple hours away from 30 now, and as the baby of my family, to turn over another decade feels like the whole family gets pushed older, you know? Mom and Dad are 40+ years older than me. If I'm 30, they're 70something. My brothers are middle-aged (holy shit). Of course, all this is no more true today than it was yesterday or a few months ago, it's just a bit starker, I guess?

When I was younger, I used to be able to count on a stream of birthday cards beginning sometimes many weeks before my birthday. My grandmothers, nanny, great aunts, and other matronly caregivers in my family prided themselves on being ahead of schedule. When Virginia Page died last week, the last of my early birthday wishers moved on. There is almost no one left from my grandparents' generation; none of the family I have been closest to. No one remains in the generation above my dad on that side, and my mom has one uncle, the youngest, left from that family of seven siblings. None remain on my maternal grandfather's side. This isn't sad -- all these people would be disturbingly old if they were still around -- it just is. It sucks to say goodbye, and it sucks to miss better times, but I'm generally okay with the fact that people age and eventually die. Lots of people die before they get to age very much, so there's a bit of luck in making it this far anyway, but I guess what I'm trying to say is the thing I dislike about getting older/time passing is the increasing inevitability of the end. Not for me, but for those older than me, the ones I'm not ready to say goodbye to and start missing. I'm not terribly sentimental about birthday presents and cards and such, but this is the first year in my life when I didn't get one of those ridiculously early ones, and that struck me as a kind of subtly colossal change.

I did save the last letter Virginia Page wrote me. She knew it was the last one, and she was basically collecting her final thoughts on scrap papers, as she didn't have the energy to string too much together at once. I believe this was written on a piece of a page-a-day calendar. The front has an image of a mother hugging a child, and a quote that says "Life is the first gift, love is the second, and understanding the third." VP picked up from that on the back and wrote:

"But how difficult to understand all the time. One thing I do know, it has been a treat to have your notes and love and to watch you grow. Thanks for the gift of care and attention you've given me. Love, Virginia Page."

I'm so glad I took the time to be pen pals with her over these last few years. We're not related, but she is a true Massie family treasure, and I'm going to miss her like crazy. I'm glad, too, that she got to see me grow, twice as old as my grandmother witnessed. It was so special to me each time VP mentioned that I reminded her of Margaret (my grandmother and her best friend). There is no higher compliment, and I'm glad that 15 years past Marma's departure, those closest to her still find me living by her example. (She didn't say "fuck" as much, but she did teach me the "beans, beans, they're good for your heart..." rhyme. Scandalous enough for a Southern lady born in 1908.)

In so many ways, a person never outgrows being the baby of the family, but the next generation is filling in quite nicely, and I'm enjoying something of a position of wisdom and authority with my nieces and younger cousins. In fact, nothing has been more rewarding to me than playing the role of aunt. And I'm getting much better at it with each passing year. Aging is a mixed bag, I guess, but I'm still in the upswing, and I'm optimistic that I can continue to find examples of upswinging as I get older still. I'm not ready to think about everything that will come with being 40, but one thing I know will be awesome is that Lucy will be a young adult. I will take her on a trip for her high school graduation, and we'll share amazing life experiences when she's older that a 9-year-old can't really appreciate. I don't need to press fast forward, but I know that time in her life is going to be special for me as her aunt, and I welcome it. Emily will probably have a kid or two by then as well, and I'll be their aunt, too. And that's just fucking awesome.

So, hello there, 30. 

It's so cliche to say this, but I'll say it anyway because it's true -- I can't believe how fast you are growing up! Francesca Leslie Massie, you are FIVE years old today! I was there when you were five HOURS old! And it doesn't seem like it was that long ago!

Here I am holding you for the first time, in Rachel's recovery room at the hospital where you were born. You were so teeny tiny! Look how my hand is so much bigger than your head in this picture! I love that Facebook has become so popular and user-friendly since you were born. I have photos of you from every birthday, and can watch the history of your childhood as I flip through pictures online in a matter of minutes. I don't know if you'll ever really be able to wrap your head around what a big development that is for folks in my generation. But this is about you, not the history of photography...anyway, what I'm saying is I'm really glad I have all these moments in pictures, because you have grown up a lot and you've done so many cute, adorable, and awesome things, the memories would be fuzzier without all these pictures. Here's another really precious one that I hope will be special to you one day:

That's William holding Lucy up to the nursery window in the hospital so she could get her first glimpse of her baby sister. Look how excited she is! I've loved watching your relationship with Lucy develop. You girls are very different, but definitely both Massie girls! You sometimes butt heads like all siblings do, but you love each other so much. I wasn't there when Bess was born, but I imagine your reaction was similar to this. I know you have really enjoyed getting to be a big sister, too. You're very proud of that role, and I'm very proud of how you relate to your family. I'm proud to be a part of your family.


You are the most loving person I know (and anyone who knows my in-laws knows that this is major statement!). Your sweetness and affection has a lot to do with why I love being an aunt so much. I have always loved it, of course, but it took a while for me to figure out how I would define the role of aunt. I don't have much experience with younger kids, and I didn't really know how to be a good aunt. Sometimes it was hard to tell if Lucy liked me at all. I just didn't know how to entertain little girls. But you were very different. As soon as you could talk, you were very affectionate, and always willing to play with me. You made aunting easy! You were outgoing and friendly and would tell me what you wanted. When you were very little, I taught you how to waddle -- just a funny walk that I made up while watching you play on the beach in Easthampton. You thought it was hilarious, and would copy me and shout "waddle waddle waddle!" and laugh hysterically. Do you have any idea how rewarding it is to make a kid laugh? I have always loved to make you laugh, and I especially love how easy it is! You really enjoy my silly side, which is lucky for me because I'm a very silly person. Being able to make you smile and laugh really took the whole aunt thing to a new level for me.

I live far away and don't get to visit as often as I would like, and I know when little kids don't see someone for a while, it's easy to just kind of forget about them. With most of the kids in the family, it takes a little while to get comfortable when we're visiting for the first time in a while. It's not a bad thing, just a fact -- when you haven't seen someone in a long time, it's not easy to be best buddies right away. Sometimes you need to catch up and reacquaint yourselves. But you've never been this way with me. I remember coming to New York for your 2nd birthday, and I hadn't seen you in about seven months -- surely you were too young then to remember me. I'm sure your parents coached you a little bit before I came, but you knew my name as soon as you saw me, and you gave me a hug and a kiss right away. Now that you're older, I don't worry about you forgetting me between visits, but it still amazes me how affectionate you always are right from the start. One of my all-time favorite memories is from when I was just passing through New York. I just had time to stop by for the afternoon and have dinner before I had to leave again. Your mom told you I was coming to visit that day, and when you heard the elevator, you ran out of your apartment and greeted me immediately. "Aunt Meg!" you yelled, "I love you!" I'll never forget that :)

Since you guys got the 7F apartment, I've been able to visit and stay with you a few more times. Whenever I sleep there, you crawl into bed with me in the morning to wake me up, and you just cuddle with me until we decide it's time to get up. The thing about being an aunt is that I want to hug my nieces all the time, but you guys probably would rather play than just spend all day in a big hug. I get it and that doesn't hurt my feelings at all. But I really appreciate how much time you do spend on hugs.

Over the past couple of years, I've been able to share my seahorse obsession with you. I gave you the stuffed seahorse that you named Francesca Meg Massie, and I'm so honored that she is one of your favorites. You know I love seahorses a lot, and so it's fun for me that you like them so much, too. It's like our thing. I love that we have a thing together, even if I kind of forced it on you.

One of my favorite things that you do right now (besides give me hugs) is sing pop songs. My brother has coached you to sing some particularly hilarious lines from the music of our day...you used to say "No, no, no" the way Amy Winehouse sings it in "Rehab," and your latest thing is the following bit of dialogue:
Hey Frankie, what's on your mind?
"I got my mind on my money and my money on my mind."
How much money do you have?
"Zero."
You also sing "Call Me Maybe," with your own version of the lyrics -- "Hey, I just met you, and this is gravy, but here's my mother, so call me maybe." You rock, kiddo. I'm excited to see what you'll learn this year, and what memories I will have to add for your sixth birthday. Thanks for all the laughs and smiles you give me. I love you!

If I were on the east coast, I'd be 28 by now.  A bunch of my friends in Virginia have already sent their wishes, which makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.  I don't think birthdays are a big deal, really, and I certainly don't want anyone to bend over backwards or spend money on mine, but I do really love them.  

Gail and I watched Swedish Auto tonight, an indie drama that was filmed in Charlottesville in 2006.  One review called it "heartwarming."  I would say that's more than a little misleading.  It was pretty dark, but it was cool to recognize all the places in the film.  The main character's apartment was right next to the building where I used to work.