jianantonic: (Default)
Friday is my weigh-in day at Weight Watchers, in the three weeks that I've been going back now. I haven't been attending meetings again yet...dunno if I will...I don't feel like I get much out of them because they're mostly about tips for cooking, which I don't do, or how to get started exercising, and I already do a lot of that, so...meh. They're pretty boring. And I know the program. But maybe the extra boost of accountability would be good for me.

Anyway, I was down 1.6 pounds this week. That's good! But...I was disappointed it wasn't more. A few reasons. One, I feel like I really stuck to the program closely this week, and therefore it *should* be a nice big loss, whereas last week, I didn't start tracking until the middle of the week, but lost more weight. Two, I've got so far to go before I feel good about my body again, I just want it to go faster. I know there are natural ebbs and flows with a woman's metabolism, so the fact that I was "better" this week but lost less isn't that big a deal, really, and I still lost almost 2 pounds, which is the high end of healthy weight loss for a week. I just wanted it to be more. Like...30 pounds. Is that so much to ask? Yeah, yeah, okay. Honestly, I'd like to lose 40 pounds from where I am right now. Realistically, my body just may not be able to maintain that low a weight anymore. The best I've been able to maintain in my 30's is about 35 pounds below my current weight. That was before my car accident and before I switched from Prozac to Effexor. The lowest I've ever been as an adult is 50 pounds below my current weight. If I get that low again, it'll be because I'm very ill. But anyway, doing the math, if I can sustain what is really a fast weight loss pace of about a pound and a half per week, I'll meet my goal by, like...the end of summer. Which feels so far off. And that's if I do this quickly. Sigh. I wish I could be genuinely happy at any size...I DO believe I'm beautiful at my current size. I know Toby thinks I'm gorgeous. But I just don't like my body like this. I'm not as strong, not as fit, and my clothes don't look as good. So...onward.
jianantonic: (Default)
I went back to Weight Watchers today. I promised my therapist this was the week. Of course I waited until Friday. Afternoon.

For those not in the know, I was in a clinical drug trial for the last year. The last six months of the trial, I was put on a drug that made me gain weight like mad. Super fast, lots of weight. 30-40 pounds in six months? Didn't help that with my various injuries, it's been hard to keep in a regular fitness routine. But the trial is over now so there's no chemical reason I shouldn't be able to lose this weight. I stopped gaining weight, but since the trial ended, I haven't really lost any, either, despite my attempts at better habits. I knew I needed to go back to WW. The plan has always worked really well for me. It's just a matter of staying on it. So I guess starting today, I'm back on it. The shitty thing is that even if I do really well, it'll take many months to shed the weight I put on, and that's really discouraging. I also hate when people see me who haven't seen me in a while because I look like I REALLY let myself go. And I want to be like "it was for science!"

I also did my second bike ride in two days. Just rode home from the shop where I'd had it tuned up, about a 3-mile ride. My crotch is sore from the saddle, but I think if I make sure to ride regularly over the next week or two, that should go away, and I'll be able to handle longer rides.

Tomorrow, I leave bright and early for Seaside with Toby. We're staying at a hotel and playing the team game on Sunday as well. In my mind, I'll wake up early Sunday and go for a run on the boardwalk. But the possibility of actually doing that is probably pretty slim. I'll pack running gear just in case...writing it down here just boosted the likelihood that I'll go by at least 40%.
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
Real estate is moving so slowly for me this year. Last year I sort of just lucked into a lot of good client situations. This year I have things going on, but nothing has closed yet and it's all moving at a snail's pace. I've had one short sale deal pending for six months now. I have a handful of clients in the "I'll be ready really soon" stages. I have one active listing in a small community that's not very busy. And even Toby's deal, which is a private transaction without Realtors, is taking forever. I'm not officially working for him -- he's buying the place he has been renting for the last three years from the previous landlord, who is offering it at a discount price since neither party is using Realtors that charge commissions. FSBO's (For sale by owner) are notoriously difficult. There's a reason most people hire Realtors. We're fucking worth it. If that doink had hired me, this shit would've been closed months ago. If Toby didn't have me advocating for him, he'd have signed off on a bad deal months ago. Basically the landlord is trying to get out of making any necessary repairs on the basis that he's giving Toby a good discount. Um, no. The discount is based on what you'd get if the house were in perfect condition. He keeps threatening to pull the deal and just list the place at the price he wants, but I told Toby to call his bluff. If he does list it, any buyer who comes will come with a Realtor who will advise them the same that I'm advising Toby: either get the repairs done or demand a lower price. And that Realtor is going to ask for 3% commission. So it's in the landlord's best interest to stop dicking around and make the repairs, but he's trying to wring some extra dollars out of it. The annoying thing is that he's making a big profit on it anyway. What's $3000 in contractor work when you're pocketing a $30,000 profit? I mean, 10%, okay, but still. And actually I have no memory of what his purchase price was, other than that it was much lower than the sales price. Anyway.

I'm doing some work, though. I'm a lot more active in real estate than I was earlier this year, and hopefully that will begin to pay off. It's just a slow kind of thing. Buying and selling houses are not decisions made in a day, so any relationships I cultivate now aren't going to yield a closing for many months at least. Sigh. So I'm doing other things in the meantime. Uber driving. Trivia hosting. Airbnb renting. Flipping tickets on Stubhub. (I just bought my first Timbers tickets to sell and I feel so DIRTY.)

One of my favorite colleagues at Windermere is also in WW, and this week we started going to the same meeting and hanging out after. She's younger than me and got licensed about a year after I did, so she's just now getting going. We have some things we're working on together, and I'm looking forward to what that may yield, too. I had a really nice time hanging out with her yesterday afternoon. She's very like-minded and I just love her. She's also the first person I consider a peer who calls me Margaret. Heh.

Speaking of WW...down 18.4 pounds total. My goal weight is just 7 pounds away, but I set that when a 25 pound loss seemed monumentally difficult. Now I'm thinking maybe I could move the goalposts a little farther away. Bodies are funny. I don't remember what I weighed when I started my sophomore year in college, but I do remember that I was a size 12, and my roommate mentioned to me that she weighed 142 pounds. And that sounded really high to me then. I was not fit at all, and I had a bit of a belly roll, but I'd guess my weight was like 130 at the time? That was also the year that I started gaining weight like crazy. When I was at my heaviest, at age 22, I was 199 pounds. I wasn't going to let it tip over to 200. But I was still just a size 16 then. I am really tall, after all. It was spread out. But anyway I started working with my first trainer then, and she got me down to 166 over the next two years. 33 pounds lighter, and I went down to a size 14. One size down. (I was lifting weights and doing cardio that built my muscle up, but I hadn't changed my diet yet.) Then I joined WW and set my goal weight at 142 -- that number that had once seemed irresponsibly heavy to me. And I did get there. It was from a solid combination of exercise and diet, and at my smallest, I was a size 6 in most clothes -- 3 sizes down from when I'd been 130 in college, and a size I'd last worn before I hit puberty. I weighed 105 the last time I squeezed into a size 6, at age 14. Today I weigh 162 and I'm wearing a size 12 again. I imagine I can get down to a size 8 or so, but I'll be surprised if my weight ever dips below 150 again. Muscle. It makes a difference. (Also, that self-righteous 19-year-old who thought 142 was heavy? She can go fuck herself. Except she won't because she was afraid of vaginas back then.)
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
I've lost almost 15 pounds since the beginning of April. I'm feeling pretty good about it -- my goal weight is 11 pounds away. Definitely doable, probably sustainable. I've made some really healthy changes lately, and I intend to keep up with them. Something has really struck me about this, though -- none of my friends, or guys that I date, have said a word about it. Toby and I talk about it because I report back to him after my weigh-ins and we eat a lot of meals together so of course he's in on the whole thing, and he's proud of me (but says all the right things about how he finds me beautiful at any weight).

My weight loss is absolutely noticeable. But no one -- even the people I get naked with -- has said anything. This does not offend me or hurt my feelings. I think it's kind of great. I think it speaks to how little my friends care about/judge appearances. It means all those times I got in the hot tub with friends and wondered what they were thinking about how I'd put on weight, they weren't thinking about it. It means the guys I date haven't been forcing themselves to see past something they didn't like. It means the people around me respect that my body is my business and has zero to do with our relationships. I really appreciate that.

In the bridge community, everyone -- even people I don't know! -- feels they have a right -- nay, an obligation -- to comment on my appearance. And I used to say "thanks," but...in hindsight I feel a little icked out that so many people wanted to talk about my body. 
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
I had my first return weigh-in at WW this morning. Last night I had stress dreams about it all night. In my first dream, I had actually gained weight. I was devastated, because I've been working really hard to follow the program, and I've been faithfully tracking, and I felt like shit, if I can't lose weight even when I'm doing everything right, then fuck it. But then I woke up and was relieved to find I was only dreaming. Then I had another dream where I weighed in and had lost around a pound. The program is set up to give you a 0.5-2.0-pound weekly loss if you follow it properly. So 1 pound is good and I was relieved in my dream to have lost some weight, but also disappointed because I feel like in my first week on program, I should probably have a bigger loss. Every other time I've restarted after being off the program for a while, I've had like 3-pound losses in the first week. So anyway, I was really nervous going into my meeting today. I was trying to mentally prepare myself for any result, and to keep going even if it wasn't what I'd wanted to see.

I lost 6.4 pounds in a week.

I think part of that is because with my parents visiting, I was overeating, and had probably ballooned up a little extra just before my weigh-in. I was healthy last week; it's not like I starved myself. I ate my full allowance of points every day and used up the entire weekly allowance, also. So I'm really pleased.

But I also know that I can't expect anything close to this moving forward, and I'll have to be happy with a pound or so next time I weigh in. I'll be disappointed if I have a gain this week, but I'll still be down from where I started (barring something crazy!), and I'm just going to keep going. But I'm hopeful. I set my goal weight at 25.2 pounds less than my starting weight. I haven't gained back ALL the weight I lost back in 2008, but I'm also not trying to get back down to my lowest weight, either, because I'm not 25 anymore.

I hope I will stick with it. I know I have a tendency to be really gung-ho in the early going of any project, and this one is particularly easy with the big loss in my first week, but I hope I'll maintain my enthusiasm even as it slows down. Because even if I did lose 6.4 pounds every week (omg I know that's a terrible idea, this is JUST an example), it would still be over a month to get to my goal. It's going to be a while before I look and feel the way I want to again. I just hope that I can continue to see progress and feel good about it. I guess if I'm doing one pound a week, I've got about 19 weeks to go. I hope I can average better than that, but I'm trying to be realistic...19 weeks from now is...August 10th. Yeah, I'll totally be hitting my goal while I'm at Falcon Ridge, and then the week after at an all-inclusive resort in Mexico. Ha. Well, maybe I can do it in 17 weeks.
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
My parents flew home on Tuesday last week. On Wednesday, I re-joined Weight Watchers. It worked for me in the past, not doing it isn't working for me. The end. I'm nervous, though, because I was 24 when I was successful on the program before. I'm in my mid-30's now. It won't be as easy, I know. But I have faith in the program and I feel like I'm finally mentally ready to do it correctly.

However, like with the SIBO diet, it's affecting my energy in a big way. I went for a run with Toby last weekend and had to stop for walk breaks shortly after 1.5 miles. I just ran an 8K two weeks ago! It's crazy disappointing to not be able to run even a slow 5K. I decided that the best way to deal with this is to accept that new diet = different physical abilities, and I need to adjust. So I downloaded the Couch to 10K app and I'm starting at the beginning. I'm hopeful that in addition to getting my endurance up, I can use it to improve my speed. I've never cared about running fast, but it's kind of ridiculous that before my accident, a 10-minute mile was easy for me but now it's a sprint.

With both WW and C210K, I'm anxious to fast forward to a few weeks into the program. It's hard to make big adjustments early only for the results to slowly get rolling, you know? I want to peek at myself 10 weeks from now, maybe 10-15 pounds down, running better...that's where I'll be, right? And also not aching for a chocolate binge? Here's hoping.

My drug trial also starts next week. Right now I'm tapering off of Prozac, so that I won't get seratonin sickness when I start the new medicine with the trial. I'm a little more irritable/grumpy than usual, but it's not a disaster so far. I am anxious to start that program, too, though.

I spent last weekend in Vancouver with Emily, Chris, and Toby. I had a great time but the visit was too short. Emily and Chris might be moving who knows where next year -- Chris is a biology PhD looking for a faculty position, and that could take them just about anywhere. I don't know how easy it will be to visit them, so I do want to take more advantage of how relatively close they are right now. Kelly and Dave, too. Sounds like they might be leaving the Bay sooner than later, and as much as I want them to come to Portland, it seems like their next stop will probably be somewhere else. I wish I had all the money so I could do all the travel :)
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
It doesn't quite rise to the level of self-loathing, but I am experiencing quite a bit of frustration with myself lately. A coworker is bragging today that his wife just placed 10th in her first half marathon -- she ran a 7:20 pace. Another friend, who is not a runner, posted to social media that he ran 6.5 miles the other day. Just 'cause. Dude. I AM a runner (aren't I? I think so?), and I ran a half marathon just over two months ago, a 10K three weeks ago, and I'm certain that I could not run 6.5 miles today. I ran 3 on my lunch break, and it went well, but I know that unless I maintain a constant training program, 3 miles is basically my peak. I know that's good. There are a lot of people in the world who will never run 3 miles, and there were a lot of times in my own past where such a feat seemed impossible. I'm proud of what I can do. But it's frustrating how difficult it all is.

I haven't really been on program for WW since I left for Vegas. I had visitors this weekend and we ate lots of really delicious things, but, you know, lots of them. And I'm about to head to Falcon Ridge, and the family cruise, which will no doubt be awesome, but I eat like a pig and exercise not very much on these trips. I want to be better. But I want to eat all the cookies and drink all the rum, too. Sigh.

I don't wanna be that guy who says "I'll get back to my routine after vacation..." because that guy is such a liar. But...I kinda feel like just giving myself permission to be a glutton for a few more weeks. A glutton who exercises a lot, anyway. Meh. Why can't vegetables taste more like sugar?

Soy loca.

Jul. 14th, 2014 08:04 pm
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
So, Monday is my weigh-in day for WW, and I was pretty bummed today because this is the first week since I've been back on the program that I gained weight instead of lost. Truth be told, though, I wasn't exactly "on program" this past week -- I had a lot of really decadent meals that I didn't track, so I'm sure I overspent my budget. When I stick to it pretty strictly, it tends to work well. Imagine that. But anyway I was a little freaked about the gain and got all crazy active today to kickstart this week. I did the 5:30am running group, then also did 5:30pm Body Pump, but I got to the gym an hour early and did a bunch of cardio, too. Then in class, I did more weight than I normally do on almost every track. AND because I'm crazy, I've agreed to meet Lorie again at 5:30am tomorrow.

The weight loss is slow, but the body changes are good. McKenzie had been away for almost three weeks, and though the number on the scale didn't move much from when he left, he said that I looked and felt very different when he got back. He would know. I have to say that my ass is feeling pretty fine these days. I've been doing a lot of squats. So anyway, it's a mixed bag, but I'm trying to focus on the positive things, and just keep pushing myself. Being super hot has to be good for my real estate career, right? Can I write off my training costs?

Anyway. I'm sore. And I'm waking up at 5am tomorrow, because apparently I like to suffer. (Not really, but I do LOVE to complain.)
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
Weight Watchers, you are a cold dose of reality.

I just ran 3 miles. Worth 6 activity points.

Just ate a salad. Cost 8 points. My hard run didn't even work off my damn salad.

Losing weight is a bitch.
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
I recognize that while my treatment regulates a lot of my mental issues, some stubborn ones persist. I still watch myself go through cycles of intense determination and apathy. I feel like I'm fighting my way out of the apathy pit right now, but it is a struggle. I think last night was a make or break point, and luckily everything went well. First, I went to ww after work scared to get on the scale, because I didn't have a great week, foodwise. But I was down 2.4 pounds. I know I kind of got away with something, and I'm not letting this be a reason to get lazy. That was a welcome burst of encouragement when I was kind of hating myself for not working hard enough.

I had a therapy session after that and just did some really good processing. She let my session run over by a half hour because her Neff appt canceled and we were on a roll. So overall, it was a great evening and I came out of the day with a far lower level of self-loathing.

I have about half of a mostly chill workday to get through before my weekend begins. This will be my first total day off at home in a really long time. I'm more than ready.
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
I stopped by WW on my way to the airport today. My normal weigh-in day is Thursday, so I didn't have quite a full week, and also I had a full belly when I went, so I'm kind of blaming these factors for the fact that I was only down .8 pounds. But, still down! Trending the direction I want, for sure. And this is a healthy rate of loss and right within where WW says I should be, so it's not that it's not working. It's that I want to be 10 pounds lighter right now please. I'm working so hard -- gimme my immediate gratification!

Actually, I do have some gratification. I feel much better about my shape these days, and my shoulders look incredible. Shame tank top season is over. I guess I'll just have to keep going to the gym if I want anyone to see my sculpted deltoids.

Even so, I can't help but be a little disappointed in the fact that each week since I've been back, I've lost a little bit less. I think what's happening is that I'm allowing myself to eat simply because I have room in my points budget for the day, and not because I'm particularly hungry. As long as I stay within my budget, I should continue to lose, but I'd probably be more satisfied with my progress if I could cut out that "just 'cause" eating. I'll work on it...this will be a difficult week to stick to the program. I'll do my best, but I'm going to let myself have a decadent waffle at Waffle Brothers in Denver, and I'll fill up on Indian at Max's favorite place, and Dave and I will have at least one Chipotle stop, because that's always kind of been our thing. But in addition to indulging some dangerous food addictions, I'll find time to work out, too. Our longest day on the road is only about 7 hours. Not too bad. Still room to be active between driving and sleeping.

It's chilly in the airport and I'm feeling somewhat tempted to bundle up in my fleecy owl onesie.
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
I went to my weekly WW meeting last night, and was down 1.2 pounds for the week. This is good...I was hoping for more of a loss, but kind of knew it didn't happen. So much of last weekend with Jen was about food, I knew I wouldn't see the big loss I saw in my first week. I'm still happy I was down at all, because I really enjoyed everything I ate this week :) Right now I'm trying a new WW mint chocolate chip smoothie. It's...ok. I think it'd be better with milk instead of water. And probably better prepared in a blender than just stirred with a spoon in a glass. It's got a nice-ish taste...but with some topnotes of meh.

I finally stopped being crazy sore yesterday, so I'm ready to go back to BodyPump now. There's no class tonight, so I'm going early tomorrow. Meeting the local Hokies for football after that, then going to Let It Bead to learn how to make beaded wrap bracelets. It'll be a full day. Sunday may find me filling in a half table in the NAP-A, or I'll find something else to do with myself, like play with more beads.

Z and I decided we're going to buy a second car. Emily needs to sell her old one, and it's a win-win for us to buy it from her. She doesn't have to deal with fixing it up and listing it, and we get a good deal. It's a 2000 Honda Accord, also a stick shift. We'll pick it up when we visit in a couple weeks.

And next week I fly out to St. Louis and ride across the country with Dave. There will be so much singing!
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
I've had a scratchy throat for the past few days. It's not really escalating and besides cramping my audience-free vocal solos in my car, it hasn't affected me much. It's just uncomfortable and I would like it to go away please.

I now have a full week of being back at WW. I knew I needed to wait until I was really ready to do it, and I'm definitely in the right frame of mind now. I was down 3.6 pounds in my first week! That's a lot for seven days and I certainly don't expect it to be like that every week, but it was great to get off to such a successful start. I'm tracking everything and using tools on the website that I never bothered with before. It's really helpful, and I already feel better about myself.

Jen is coming to visit this weekend. She arrives tomorrow, and I noticed on her flight check-in reminder that she got upgraded to first class. I love it when that happens on tickets I give people :) I can't wait to see her, and the weather is supposed to be fantastic while she's here. 70, clear, and sunny each day. So we'll definitely hit the Gorge and plenty of other outdoorsy goodness. The leaves are amazing here right now, too. It's pretty much the perfect time for her to visit.
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
I'm trying not to let today be a completely lazy day, but it's a challenge so far. It's the first day in what feels like absolutely forever where I've had nothing at all on my agenda. I do want to go to the gym, and I will, but I have no meetings or plans of any kind. I slept for a blissful 12 hours, which is more than I probably should have, but it did feel great. I'm trying to focus on not being sedentary. WW encourages members to be some kind of active for at least five minutes of every hour. That's not an average of five minutes per hour -- I've definitely got that covered with my daily workouts -- but the point here is to never let an hour of time go by where you're completely sedentary. Just five minutes of some kind of being off your ass per hour. I started focusing on this on Friday, and I set the timer on my phone to go off every 55 minutes, but that was annoying at work, because it would inevitably go off when I was on the phone or up from my desk anyway and then it would annoy my coworkers...so I stopped using the timer and instead now I'm just working really hard to be mindful of it. When you've got nothing to do, though, staying out of a chair for five minutes can be a real challenge. At home, I've been running up and down the steps or doing a little something with the weights I have here, but it's not necessarily about exercising during those five minutes. Just non-sitting. Anyway it's something I'm trying and I'm kind of getting it.

Another thing I'm trying to be more mindful of is my posture. I'm a big sloucher, and my shoulders are all kinds of fucked up from all the time I spend at a computer. I watched a TED Talk about posture a little while ago, and it talked about how assuming a powerful, confident posture actually affects your brain and makes you more powerful and confident. I've been trying to focus on this for a while, but it feels like something that really goes hand in hand with the changes I'm trying to make through WW, so I'm able to be more conscious of it right now. We'll see how this goes. I've only been back at it since Thursday :)
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
I thought what happened was that I was going to bed really early. I think what really happened is I took a late-evening nap and now I'm awake again for a while. Sigh...might as well write something.

It's been a lovely weekend. Katy and Emily both stayed with me, so it was a real sister party. Or a fake sister party, since none of us are actually sisters. Except, you know, we totally are. Anyway we did Portlandy things on Saturday -- food carts, Saturday Market, and wandering around downtown. Sunday we went to the zoo to take advantage of how fucking beautiful it is outside right now. Katy went home on Sunday afternoon, then Em and I went to Ikea to shop for her new place. Basically Vancouver is a crazy expensive town, so she does most of her shopping either online or south of the border. I held my impulse buys to a minimum, but not nil. I did buy a mirror that I've really liked every time I visit the store. Unlike everything else I've ever gotten at Ikea, it did not come with all of the necessary parts, though. It had a mounting thing on the back, and a little plate to screw into the wall, but no screws or tools for screwing. I dug around in our garage and found the right tools, though, and mounted the thing all by myself at the top of the stairs. We'll see how long it lasts without falling...

Emily helped me cut the vinyl and replace the floor in our laundry nook. The new machines come on Wednesday. It will be really nice to be able to wash my clothes again. I've got plenty of clothes, but not necessarily enough socks, underwear, and gym things to get me through two weeks without laundry (because it had been a week already when the machine broke). I could hand wash some things in the bathtub, I guess, but I've made it this far...

I finally met my friend Paul today, too. He's a good friend of Lorie and David's, and they cyber-introduced us so that Paul could help me work on my website concept (coming soon, maybe?). He was in town and we made some progress on the site, and maybe one day soon it'll actually exist. Anyway it was great to see him.

I worked out with Ertan this afternoon, which kicked my butt as usual, but it was mentally different today. This was my first time seeing him since rejoining WW, and he and I could both tell that I was in a better place this time. More determined, and stronger than last week. The mental switch has definitely been flipped, and I'm optimistic about turning my fitness around the way I want to. Still not sure if I can reasonably expect to ever get back to running -- my plantar fasciitis is getting worse if anything, and it feels wrong to test the limits there. So I'm pushing harder at other things and will stop using my feet as an excuse to be lazy. There are other exercises.

As for WW, I've been tracking everything religiously, and putting more into my workouts as a result. Amazing the effect simply writing shit down has. I've always known this, but allowed myself to get lazy about it, and that's when my previous success started to unravel. I don't know if I can keep up the regular tracking forever and ever, but I know that it's what it takes to see the results I want, and I'm doing it now. I'll tackle each new day as it comes.

Ugh and Oy.

Oct. 8th, 2013 09:40 pm
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
McKenzie, Shellie, and I went to the Blazers' first preseason game last night. It was fun, but the team looked a bit rusty, to say the least. Oh well. I'll love them hard no matter how JV they are.

On the way home, my roommate called because there was a problem with the washer and he was freaking out. Apparently, there had been a flood situation. We dealt with it quickly so there's no water damage, but it looks like we're going to be replacing the washer/dryer now. A water damage specialist came out today to check the house for problems, and he left a bunch of fans and a dehumidifier going, but it seems mostly not a big deal. It's just such a pain in the ass because there's no one person to call who can deal with everything. A washer guy can come look at the washer to diagnose the problem, but can't tell me if there's any water damage. The water guy can come clean up the damage but can't tell me what caused it. So before I can ditch the washing machine that we've got, the washer specialist has to come out and check it out. Maybe it's a quick repair and we just do that, but this machine is so old that I'm kind of happy to replace it anyway. Just a pain in the ass that I have to make all these various appointments. But better to do all that than to half-ass it and end up with mold and mildew damage because I wasn't thorough. I love being a homeowner, but it does sometimes force you to spend your money on really unfun things. Oh well. New appliances might be kinda fun.

This afternoon I saw Ertan for the first time in a long time. By the end of my workout, I was DONE. I was dizzy and pukey, so I just sat in the car and drank a lot of water for several minutes before I powered up to go home. Then when I got here I sat down on my bed thinking "maybe this will make my body stop throbbing." Two hours later, I woke up. That was a great nap! And I do feel better, but I ended up missing the puzzles and pints event I intended to attend tonight. Bummer, but I definitely needed that rest. I'll go to the next one.

I've decided that I'm going back to Weight Watchers this week. I've been gaining weight again, for plenty of reasons, like plantar fasciitis and not running and being kind of lazy with my workouts and also eating like a pig...so back to what I know works. I've been waiting for myself to hit that breaking point for a while now...I knew it was time to go back to it a while ago but I kept not quite being ready. Now I'm good to go. Let's do this. I'm tired of only having the one pair of jeans that's comfortable to wear, and I'm NOT buying new jeans. No idea how much weight I've gained, but I don't like the way I look in my favorite clothes and I'm ready to change that. So. Thursday I'll go back to my regular meeting. I'm a little weird about it since I quit working for WW, it feels strange to go back as a member, but I know there won't be judgment from the employees. It just feels like kind of a failure. But I know it's not really. Failing would be not going back. So. Pride, swallowed.

I'm also thinking of taking up swimming at my gym. A friend has been posting Facebook updates about a program like C25K but for swimming, and that seems like something I could do...
jianantonic: (Seahorse)
Well, I emailed my boss at WW and requested that we chat about my options. I told her that I don't want to leave the company, but I feel that I have been out of touch lately and would like to make some sort of change. Receptionist assignments? Hiatus? Pull the plug? I don't know, but something's gotta change, because constantly being in limbo...on payroll but not really participating in anything...that was/is stressing me out a lot. But I feel a huge weight lifted just from sending that email, so we'll see what she says. Apparently she's on vacation so it may be a while before I hear back. I also copied her assistant.

I'm feeling quite sleepy and looking forward to the end of the workday. Just 2 hours to go. No biggie. It's not that I don't like my job, it's that I REALLY like my bed, and I haven't been showing it the affection it deserves lately. Tonight I remedy that.

I've been eating lots of avocados lately. I slice them up around 10:30, pour olive oil and vinegar on them, and pace myself as well as I can, which is not very well at all. Avocado time has become my favorite part of the workday.
jianantonic: (Default)
Last weekend in Charlottesville was awesome.  I found out near the last minute that Emily was going to be in town for one overlapping day.  I hadn't seen her since Thanksgiving, and for Z it had been over a year, so it was great how that worked out.  Then on Sunday morning, Kelly posted to Facebook that she needed help unloading her moving truck at her mom's house -- she'd driven down that day from Ann Arbor.  So that morning, Chris, Emily, Z and I went hiking, and that afternoon, all of us minus Chris went to Kelly's, met her boyfriend Dave, and helped her move her shit.  I hadn't seen Kelly in like two years.  It was such an awesome coincidence that we were all in town at the same time, from all different parts of the country.  My cousin Allan from Baltimore also made an appearance...it was just a great weekend full of great people.  

We left early yesterday morning for Gatlinburg, and arrived around 2pm.  It's just like I remember it.  I went to some of my favorite little cheapo gift shops to buy some cheapo jewelry and whatnot (also got an awesome jewelry display for necklaces and earrings, but it's not big enough to hold my whole collection, so that's something I still want to get soon -- I'm thinking it would actually be a pretty simple DIY project once I get home...).  I saw Ahren a few times, but he seems in no mood to acknowledge me.  He's got a killer mustache these days.  I'd love to talk to him and give him a hug and find out how he's doing, but I kind of don't think he'll ever be cool with that again.  My mom talked to him a bit, though.  

I played the evening session with my mother.  It was okay.  48%...some silly things happened, and there's a longer blog coming from this experience, so I'll save it for later.  We're just playing the afternoon side game today, because she has evening plans and I didn't feel like waking up early enough to do the 9am as well.  I'll use my free evening to go to the gym, since I didn't get there this morning.

Tomorrow I have a phone interview with someone from Weight Watchers.  I'm pretty stoked about that -- wish me luck!  
jianantonic: (Default)
I know I didn't get enough sleep last night, or the night before, and I have a redeye flight tomorrow night...yet I am not tired enough to go back to sleep right now and catch up.  I know this will bite me on the ass, sooner rather than later.  Oh well.

We've been down to Salem each of the past two days.  There was a family lunch thing on Easter, and then yesterday was Z's cousin's 18th birthday, and we had a dinner for him.  My in-laws are fantastic people.  I enjoy these outings.  We gave Alec a beginning bridge book as a birthday gift.  He's a smart kid, and he's really into chess, so I'm hoping he'll find an interest in bridge.  I volunteered to play with him whenever he wants, but I totally understand if it's just not going to be his thing.  Hopeful, though!

Yesterday morning, we set out on a walk with no real end point in mind.  We just went west, and ended up at the Willow Creek Transit Center in Hillsboro.  A direct route would've been 4.2 miles, but we did some weaving and wandering, so all told it was probably about a 5-mile walk.  Then we caught the train back to our neighborhood, grabbed lunch at the Pita Pit, and walked home from there through the neighborhood where I really want to own a house one day.  A couple of them are for sale, but we're not really in a buying position at the moment.  We agreed that it is a mutual goal, though, so maybe one day soon.  It really depends on me -- how much work I get this year and how we spend or save the money I bring in.  

I applied for a job with Weight Watchers.  When I spoke to the receptionist at my meeting, she was very enthusiastic and assured me that there are lots of positions available and they would love to have me.  I was encouraged.  Then when I finished my online application, I had to do one of those multiple choice personality tests.  I so wish those came with boxes to explain your answers.  There were so many that I felt like, "Well, this is the truest answer I can give, but I have a feeling it will lead to the wrong assumptions about me and I'd really like to clarify..."  For example, there were several questions about empathy, and I know from my experience with WW that the general approach is very huggybear.  They probably want people who are exceptionally empathetic.  And I am!  But I'm not going to be so empathetic that I just let people continue on in destructive belief or behavior patterns.  But I will be kind when I draw that line!  I'm just afraid that they use this personality test as a screener, and that they won't move forward with me if I didn't give the perfect answers.  So now I wait and see.  

I'm training with Ertan this afternoon.  I feel fine right now, but I know I'm going to be dead tired at the gym if I don't get more sleep before then, so I'm going to stay in bed for a bit and try to snooze some more...


jianantonic: (Default)

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