Marching to the beat of a different mandolin

Hey y'all. My friend Eric launched a startup called WeFinance recently. It went live today, and I have one of the first listings on the site. It's a simple premise: you can loan money (to your friends, or anyone with a listing on the site), and you get paid back with interest. But it's lower interest than a person will get on a conventional loan, and it's higher interest than an investor will get from a savings account or CD. The repayments are automated so no one has to hunt me down for money if you loan to me. I've got a listing up that will cover the credit card debt I took on to get started in real estate. Here's my listing. Feel free to make a loan or tell your friends -- you'd be helping me out, as well as my friend who founded the endeavor. And you make money. Go team.

4 pages done. 5 more due tonight. 10 more due before I disconnect on Monday morning. Doable, but bleh. I'm really making it hard on myself by not just charging straight through it all, but I don't feel like it. I had a talk with McKenzie last night about how freelancing does this to me. How it's good that I took a more regular job, where I can clock out and stop caring. Shit, I'm on the clock right now, and I barely have to care. I'll do the work as it comes in but there's hardly ever anything on my plate here that I dread doing or even have trouble with. I love that. I am not someone who craves a challenge in my work. I do crave challenges, but I like that I don't have to rest my career on them, you know? I can fuck up in bridge or board games and oh well, I lose a game. Fucking up when you're getting paid not to is another story. I think I'm putting that in my next cover letter, if I ever have to look for another job. :)

Z and I were discussing how I am one of those people who would choose not to work if I could. It's not that I would spend my time doing nothing productive, I just wouldn't have things like deadlines and mandatory meetings and whatnot. I'd use my time to travel and exercise and craft and learn and rest...I understand how some people really identify with their work and value it and would do it even if they didn't have to...but I'm not one of those people. Actually, I kind of am. I am that way as a writer. It stresses me out and it's not vital income for me, but it's important for me to BE a writer, so I take the work even though I don't really have to. But if I really had enough money that I needed no extra income, I wouldn't take assignments. I would just write my own stuff on my own time and that would be that.

Even if Z got a raise so huge that it covered the money I make now, I would keep my job, and we'd just have more money. I'm not looking to quit working as soon as it's financially feasible, because that would cost even more tradeoffs. Less travel. Less stuff. I'll probably be here for a while. But it's still in my long-term plan to eventually own enough property that I can make my living as a landlord and not have to be anywhere at any given time. Hand over the management to a company, pay my 10%, and cash the checks each month. That's the dream. We'll see.

McKenzie and I had a little talk about money this afternoon. I wrote before (in a locked entry) that our finances are fine, but we'd like to be saving more, and also neither of us can realistically expect to ever make significantly more in our jobs. The cold, hard truth is that the most realistic way for us to make an impact right now is for me to stop fucking shopping. Sigh. I love shopping. I love buying new shit. I know I have too much shit and the hippie in me hates this about myself, but god dammit, it's so fun.

I'd stop short of calling myself a shopaholic, because I don't spend beyond my means, and I don't buy anything just for the sake of buying something -- but I definitely buy WAY more than I need. Usually clothes. I have enough clothes. I know this. I just love adding to the collection. Not having or planning for kids makes it easier to spend selfishly, that's for sure. But it's still not ideal. So...how to cut back...

In weight loss, the best way to change your habits is to write down everything you eat. So maybe I'll go back to writing down everything I buy for starters. I have done this in the past, when finances were tighter and it was more of a necessity. I'm kicking an idea around in my head of trying to go for a whole month without buying anything at all beyond essentials. Groceries that I use in the short term, transportation costs, utilities and other bills...and no more. No etsy, no modcloth, no Saturday Market...a month. Can I do this for a month? Maybe start off with a week? Heh. I really do want to try this. The question is, when do I start? Certainly not next week, because Falcon Ridge. Shopping the vendors at Falcon Ridge is always a highlight for me. And then after that, we have our cruise...and they'll have a casino, and I'll want to play craps. Maybe that won't cost money...but it likely will. And then after that, I'm going to Hong Kong in a month...and possibly Turkey...see, this discipline shit is HARD.

I will start by writing everything down. I'm sure there's a simple app I can use. That way I can do something productive toward this goal even with Falcon Ridge and a bunch of other travel thrown into the mix. Then, as I take my baby steps, I'll see how close I can get to zero non-essential spending, and how long I can sustain it. My hope is that just being slightly more conscientious will make a difference, but it may well be that cold turkey is the best way to go...I'm just not quite there yet. So. Let the great experiment begin!

So it turns out the guy I hit is a lying jurkface.  Not only is he claiming $1000 in damages (I didn't even scratch his car one little bit!  NO dents! Even if the paint was scratched, a bumper paintjob is only $500 -- I know this, I'm in the biz, y'know), but he's claiming injuries now.  So I went ahead and turned it over to my insurance.  They'll cover the costs, so it's nothing out of pocket right now, but it is possible our rates will increase come renewal.  Luckily we don't renew for another 11 months...  I've talked to three different adjusters now, and all are sympathetic, that it's really unlikely dude is actually injured and they are also dubious about the damages.  I sent them pictures of my car, which shows that the paint isn't even scratched and there's no evidence of a collision, beyond the fact that I admitted to it.  I just can't believe that mofo is claiming injuries.  I've hit cars harder while parallel parking.  Ugh.  I hope my insurance will deny his injury claim.  Our adjusters would.  Seriously.  Less than bumper car impact.  What a fiasco.  I can't wait 'til bike weather is back.  I would like to quit driving please.  Maybe I just need to suck it up and start biking in the cold rain now.  Maybe next week...

My fitness has been faltering a bit.  As expected, I have been totally slacking on my half marathon training.  It's just not breathing down my neck yet, but it's not like it's the kind of test you can cram for.  I know I need to work on building up to it.  It's just so hard and unpleasant!  Suck it up, Massie.  You got this.  Maybe.  I also managed to gain 7 pounds in November, before Thanksgiving, even.  So I've been working on undoing that, and I think I mostly have, but it was kind of a wakeup call, like, hello, you are getting too lazy again...

I still work out every day, but having a gym at work means I use it on my lunch break the three days that I'm there, and that means a much less thorough workout than I'd get at the real gym, because there's less time and less equipment.  So I'm looking for ways to mix it up a little better and amp up the stuff I do on non-work days.  Perfect days for adding mileage, really, except that I always schedule my free time to the supermax.  I need to just put more gym time into the schedule.  And get out and run more and just fucking do it, because I know I can.  I just don't WANT to.  But the more I do, the easier it'll be, and the less miserable...at least I'm trying to tell myself that.  I'm also looking for a yoga studio.  My gym has yoga, but it's not my favorite style, and yoga studios around here are pretty cheap (and also more common than Starbucks).  Katy is coming to stay with me this weekend, and I think we'll try out a yoga place together.  We're also gonna do some motherfucking baking.  

Blazers game tomorrow with Rob.  Rip City!

I don't even know where I left off in the story.  I'm too tired to reread and relive it, so I'll just summarize.  Late last night, we heard that we wouldn't be able to get a traditional loan.  That was AFTER we were told we had 24 hours to get our final offer together for the house.  Another offer came in at the same time, and rather than have counteroffers and a bidding war, the seller wanted to just look over both offers and pick the best one.  So, while scrambling to figure out how we'd come up with the money, I was also working on personal stuff -- the realtor suggested we write a personal story to share with the owner, along with a picture, so that she'd like us and want to sell to us.  I'm kind of a perfectionist when it comes to biography.  I spend more time deciding what I'll put in my one-sentence by-line on freelance contributions than I do on entire articles.  So I worked hard on that, while also pleading my case to my parents.  I wrote a very detailed email to them spelling out why we think it's the right place for us, a good deal, our budget, our plans, everything even remotely relevant to the situation.  I knew my dad would get home at 3:30 eastern, so from 12:30 on, I was anxious as hell.  I could barely stand it.  At 2:30, I couldn't wait anymore.  I called home.  Mom answered.  She had just returned from bridge to find Dad asleep on the couch.  No, he hadn't looked at my email.  Sigh.  She printed it off and woke him up to talk it over.  He called me a few minutes later.

One thing that's been particularly difficult about all of this is that I feel like there's been a lot of jerking of emotions.  At first, I didn't think we could afford a house now, so I wasn't even serious about looking.  Then Z convinced me that we should look now.  Great!  Excitement!  We talked to a lender, and he called us a sure thing.  Great!  Then the first zillion houses we saw were huge letdowns.  The few that we loved turned out to have horrible flaws...constant flooding, 17 other offers, $600 monthly HOA fees...yeah.  And I was ready to give up again.  And then one more look, and we found what we wanted!  And we put an offer in!  And it had been on the market for so long, we were sure it'd be ours...but no, there's another offer...and wait, you can't get a loan!  And then my mom was so encouraging over the last 24 hours that I really felt like my parents would come on board with the whole thing.  They did finance whole loans for each of my brothers.  So I was not prepared for the anger on the other end of the line when my dad called me.

He wasn't mad at me, but when he's mad, rage takes over, and it's really draining, even when you know he's on your side.  (I used to be like this.  Being on the other end of that, now medicated and healthy, is horrifying.  I'm sorry to everyone ever.)  Anyway, I kept repeating that I agreed with him that it's bullshit that lenders won't give us a loan even when we're putting enough down that it's absolutely no risk to them (when we put 30% down, even if we defaulted, the bank would have no trouble recovering the principal, even if the house sits on the market for months or years).  But the fact is, the mortgage crisis tightened the rules.  My dad wouldn't hear it.  To him, there's a logical argument in our favor, and anyone who won't hear it is an idiot not worth dealing with.  Okay, yeah, I kind of agree...but unfortunately these are the rules across the board.  It's just the way it is now.  So I told him that I think the only way we'll be able to buy anything now is if they finance my entire loan.  He said no.  That would tie up all of his cash, and he's not going to do that.  I understand.  I was disappointed, but I ended the conversation with a thank you and maintained my cool until I hung up, at which point tears burst through and didn't stop flowing for hours.  I was at work at the time, too.  Awesome.  

After I got off the phone with Dad, I called the lender we'd been working with and just asked him to explain the situation.  Will HE not approve us, or will NO ONE?  I mean, he called us a sure thing!  But the issue is that banks are (rightfully) so much more gunshy than they were last time I bought a home.  Stated income loans don't exist anymore.  You have to prove you have the income to cover payments (not just assets -- for some reason, banks require INCOME), and having been self-employed for the last 5 years (me) and 16 years (Z), we had so many writeoffs and deductions that our tax returns indicate basically zero income.  And now that we're in new jobs, we're not established enough for lenders to take us seriously.  Never mind that my credit is perfect and I already own one property and we have no bad debt...basically the lender told us that there's no way we're getting approved for a loan.  I'll need to become salaried rather than hourly in order for my income to be considered, and even then, the best he could do for us with our current income would be about a $70K loan.  I guess we're just way better with our money than most people at our income level, because our budget has room for a loan four times that amount.  Not that we're going that high...but we COULD afford it.  But banks don't believe that.  And I understand.  They've been burned.  The lender said they really don't make exceptions for people who make huge down payments, either.  So few people do, and banks just won't take the time to have a different set of qualifications.  It's all hard and fast based on income and you either qualify or you don't.  He said "I'm sorry, but you're not going to qualify anywhere."  

I called my mom and explained this to her.  I explained that I understand Dad isn't mad at me, but that talking to him was so draining, I was just over it.  I didn't have the energy to work on it anymore.  I gave up.  I was crying, but trying not to play it up for sympathy.  I could tell my mom felt terrible.  She WAS on board and wanted to make it work for us.  She made some calls of her own to bankers.  They told her the same thing.  She relayed it to Dad.  I talked to Z and told him I guess we give up for now.  We just need to save up enough that we can pay cash if we're going to buy a place.  Give it a few years.  I was defeated, deflated, and done.  Out of energy to devote to this.  He was too.

Then I got an email from Mom.  She had talked to Dad about what the bankers and I had told her, and she said he got it.  She said "He thought they were just shysters [sic, lol] but now he realizes that's how it is."  She said they really wanted to help us make this happen.  I said, well, you were willing to give me $50K.  I have $90K in stocks, of which I owe Dad $56K (he paid cash for my first house down payment and for my old car, with the understanding that I'd pay him out of this stock.  He just never took that money out.)  After that 56K, we have 34K, so we could use our own 34K for a down payment, the other 56K + 50K you're willing to lend in cash and essentially take a 106K loan from you, while only taking 50K of your cash reserves.

She ran that idea by my dad while I was on the phone, and he displayed a kind of remarkable amount of enthusiasm for the notion.  

So, it's a go.

The deadline for our offer was 5pm, and I got all the loose ends tied up with my realtor at 4:45.  

The selling agent presented our offer at 7pm.  Our realtor says that we should know by tomorrow morning at the latest, but hopefully tonight.  She'll let us know as soon as she hears anything.

As it stands right now, our offer looks like this:
They are asking $134,900 for the house (down from 170K, other condos in the complex with the same plan are currently listed at 155K and 200K).  Our original offer was full price minus closing costs up to 7K.  We improved our offer to 137,900 minus closing costs, but since my parents won't charge us closing costs, there will only be about 2K of costs.  We're cashing out 90K in stocks, and parents are giving us 50K in cash, so we have 140K.  So we're making a cash offer.  Pretty attractive, right?  I'll be shocked if this doesn't get accepted, but at this point, I'm completely over optimism.  Heh.  We'll have a 106K mortgage with my parents.  The closing date we proposed is August 13.  They also have a lovely essay about us and two super cute photographs.  Fingers crossed...

So, McKenzie and I have decided to buy a house.  We've come a long way in our plans recently.  At first, it was, "we'll probably never be able to afford a place in Portland, oh well."  Then it became a long-distance kind of plan...maybe one day we'll somehow have the kind of money to buy a nice place here...but even then, I wanted city and Z wanted rural, so it was a very hazy idea.  Now that we've been living in the 'burbs for a year, I'm really, really in love with this particular neighborhood, and I've been totally jonesing for a house on the street next to our apartment complex.  There's a little neighborhood there with mostly older, smallish houses.  Some of them are kind of in disrepair, but some of them are so super cute, and the perfect size, and it's just exactly where I want to be.  Only trouble is none of these is for sale -- not that we were looking at buying anything soon anyway, but it's hard to fantasize about a house that may never be available.

Still, whenever we'd walk through the neighborhood, I'd point out houses to Z that I love and we'd have another conversation about Oregon homeownership.  My feeling has always been "I know it's not possible now, but as soon as possible would be nice."  When I got my new jobs, it started to look like a year or so would be a realistic time frame to save up a down payment that would be enough to bring our monthly housing costs down when switching from renting to paying a mortgage on the size house we want.  The more we talked about it, the more Z moved closer to my timeline...and then he leapfrogged me.  We both agree that we love Beaverton and would love to buy in this particular neighborhood.  We agree on the size place we want and the price range.  But now Z thinks he wants to buy right away.  No, we don't have money for a down payment right now, but we do have good incomes, and with the prices and rates so low, it does make really good sense to try to get in on something before the market turns again.  So the plan is to borrow money for a down payment from my parents, to be paid back over 2-3 yearsish, and then borrow the rest of the mortgage from the bank.  My parents are on board with this idea, so basically it's totally doable...we just need to find a house we want.

The problem with that is there's not much on the market at all.  In any price range.  Right now, most houses are getting lots of offers, and there's a lot of competition among buyers -- at least if the house is any good.  There are several that have been sitting on the market for over a year...but no one wants them.  This whole competition aspect is very stressful for me.  I don't mind paying a competitive price for a house I want (within my range), but I just don't want to be in a hostile, time-pressured situation with other buyers.  And I wish there were more options, though I do like some of the ones out there.  Hopefully some more will come on the market soon.

Z has the car in Canada all week, so Wed-Fri I'll have to bike to work.  I've mapped it out and more or less know the way, but I definitely want to do a test ride tomorrow before I have to do it for real on Wednesday.  Today would be a perfect day for it except that I have a training session at 3.  Probably not a good idea to ride 21 miles before the session, and definitely won't have the energy to do it after...so tomorrow it is.  

Background:  my brothers and I jointly inherited a farm in central Virginia when we were all minors.  My dad has always been in charge of all the decision-making, but usually there's not much.  Our second cousins are the ones who actually live there and work the land -- our portion of the farm is just 126 acres out of a several thousand acre estate that's divided up among our family, but basically operates as one.  Most of what we own isn't really farmed.  There's no house on our land, and it's a combo of open fields and woods, mostly, but there are some orchards and vineyards and cows that graze.  I don't know many details about income from the farm -- my understanding is that there's some, but it may only be enough to cover the taxes, or my dad is investing it on our behalf or something.  But once when I was little, my dad agreed to sell all of a certain type of tree (cherry, maybe?) to a logger, and my brothers and I all got HUGE checks for the sale.  I think it was about $40,000 apiece.  Mine went into my college fund and eventually paid for my first house.  My brothers probably squandered their shares at Mardi Gras, as they were barely legal adults at the time.

At Thanksgiving, my dad informed me that another logger has approached us and wants all the walnut from the farm.  There's a lot, but not nearly as much as there was cherry the last time we did this.  If I recall correctly, the estimated payment for these trees would be a few thousand dollars for each of my brothers and me.  Not a ton of money, but definitely a well-timed windfall for me, as our new car basically drained our savings account and I'm not getting overtime anymore at my job.  There's basically nothing to it on my part, and aesthetically, the farm won't change much.  The section that was logged years ago has already grown back into a thriving woods, and we're not talking about razing whole areas -- just one type of tree among many.

But my brothers have reservations.  They have said they are ambivalent and will do whatever I want, but the fact that they haven't just jumped on it gives me reservations.  I mean, living in Oregon, where logging is like the main industry, I don't give much thought to the downside.  The trees they cut here, though, are conifers that regenerate very quickly.  I don't know the biology of walnut trees.  Am I a bad hippie if I let them cut down our trees?  

I can live without the money, but it would be really nice to have it...

Seriously, advise me.  What would you do?