All weiner, all the time
Sep. 6th, 2015 08:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jianantonicI've been fostering a miniature dachshund for the last few weeks. His name is Ozzie and if you're Facebook friends with me, you've already seen scads of weiner pics. He's 18 months old, so he's full grown, but also still a puppy. He is as precious as can be. I love him. I don't want to give him up.
But also, I realize that dog parenthood isn't really for me, and I should give him up. Doxies need constant attention, and can't be left alone for long stretches. Living out in the burbs as I do, and with the crazy schedule I keep, it's just not realistic. Juggling Ozzie with the rest of my life has been a real struggle lately, and it's something I'm not likely to be able to keep up. I love this pup so much, but I just don't think I can make it work. But I keep trying to talk myself into it, too. I just don't know, y'all. Everyone on Facebook is SURE I'm going to adopt him because HOW COULD YOU NOT?! THOSE EYES!! But, yeah, easy for them to say. Every comment like that makes me feel more shitty about the fact that I think I need to give him up. If there's a doxie in the world that's right for me, it's this one. He's so much more mellow than most of them, and very cute and loving and just all good things! So it makes me sad to think that here's the best dog match there is in the world for me, but it just isn't right. Kind of parallels my marriage. Speaking of my marriage...I have been having feelings.
I am both much more okay than I was when Z and I initially split up and also much more sad. Back then I was angry, hurting, defensive, and scared. I'm not angry, defensive, or scared anymore. At least not scared in the same way. I know I can take care of myself and succeed professionally, etc. What scares me most now is that I walked away from the closest connection I ever had. I mean I didn't do it all on my own -- he chose for it to end as well, and ending it WAS the right thing to do. But the potential we wasted is just so heartbreaking. So I've been feeling more heartbroken lately than I did months ago. Heartbreak sucks.
And I'm afraid my mind is just not in the right place to make a big decision, and that if I let someone else adopt Ozzie, I'll regret it forever. :/
But also, I realize that dog parenthood isn't really for me, and I should give him up. Doxies need constant attention, and can't be left alone for long stretches. Living out in the burbs as I do, and with the crazy schedule I keep, it's just not realistic. Juggling Ozzie with the rest of my life has been a real struggle lately, and it's something I'm not likely to be able to keep up. I love this pup so much, but I just don't think I can make it work. But I keep trying to talk myself into it, too. I just don't know, y'all. Everyone on Facebook is SURE I'm going to adopt him because HOW COULD YOU NOT?! THOSE EYES!! But, yeah, easy for them to say. Every comment like that makes me feel more shitty about the fact that I think I need to give him up. If there's a doxie in the world that's right for me, it's this one. He's so much more mellow than most of them, and very cute and loving and just all good things! So it makes me sad to think that here's the best dog match there is in the world for me, but it just isn't right. Kind of parallels my marriage. Speaking of my marriage...I have been having feelings.
I am both much more okay than I was when Z and I initially split up and also much more sad. Back then I was angry, hurting, defensive, and scared. I'm not angry, defensive, or scared anymore. At least not scared in the same way. I know I can take care of myself and succeed professionally, etc. What scares me most now is that I walked away from the closest connection I ever had. I mean I didn't do it all on my own -- he chose for it to end as well, and ending it WAS the right thing to do. But the potential we wasted is just so heartbreaking. So I've been feeling more heartbroken lately than I did months ago. Heartbreak sucks.
And I'm afraid my mind is just not in the right place to make a big decision, and that if I let someone else adopt Ozzie, I'll regret it forever. :/
