Clinical Trial
Mar. 10th, 2016 01:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jianantonicNext week, I'm beginning participation in a clinical trial for a new depression treatment. As part of the trial, I will be required to switch anti-depressants. This scares me because things were awful in ways I wasn't even aware before I started taking Prozac, and I'm afraid that I may not notice problems if I switch meds. So I'm putting my friends on alert. One of the biggest challenges to facing my depression before Prozac was that I never really recognized when I was out of my mind. I was always able to articulate and function, but I'd have reactions to things that just didn't make sense. Missing a turn on the road would cause a sobbing meltdown. Getting the wrong topping on my pizza would ruin my day and I'd be pissed at everyone involved in it. I was a volatile asshole. And I couldn't tell the difference between when my outrage was righteous (these were the Bush years, after all) or not.
So, friends, please look out for me. I won't find it patronizing. I need this from you for my own good. If I seem unpleasantly different, call me out. I might be a dick about it in real time, but if you help me recognize that I need to get out of the trial and back on my old meds, or make any other necessary changes, I will be grateful later. I hope that I don't get shitty. I don't think it's a high possibility. But because the possibility exists, I want to be extra clear to everyone that I may need help.
I'm sorry to burden anyone with the task of babysitting my brain, but I trust my friends to come through if I need it. This is my written permission to be forceful with me if I'm being unreasonable. Okay? Okay.
So, friends, please look out for me. I won't find it patronizing. I need this from you for my own good. If I seem unpleasantly different, call me out. I might be a dick about it in real time, but if you help me recognize that I need to get out of the trial and back on my old meds, or make any other necessary changes, I will be grateful later. I hope that I don't get shitty. I don't think it's a high possibility. But because the possibility exists, I want to be extra clear to everyone that I may need help.
I'm sorry to burden anyone with the task of babysitting my brain, but I trust my friends to come through if I need it. This is my written permission to be forceful with me if I'm being unreasonable. Okay? Okay.
