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Mar. 17th, 2016 07:55 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jianantonicMy former bridge partner won a national title yesterday.
I have so many feelings. Mostly ones I don't want to have.
I'm jealous. I regret that our partnership ended (I still don't know why -- I was in the middle of a complete mental breakdown when he cut ties with me suddenly. Well, it seemed sudden to me. It's possible it wasn't at all. I was in a really bad place). I won't lie that I'm a little angry. He was a bridge player before he played with me, but I convinced him to come traveling and to play with me full-time. I'm fairly confident that he would be much less involved with the game had it not been for my arm-twisting several years ago. There's of course a huge feeling of "it should have been me." Not instead of him, but with him. It's really, really sad.
I'm also happy for him, and happy for my friend who was his partner in the event.
But it's really hard for me.
I have so many feelings. Mostly ones I don't want to have.
I'm jealous. I regret that our partnership ended (I still don't know why -- I was in the middle of a complete mental breakdown when he cut ties with me suddenly. Well, it seemed sudden to me. It's possible it wasn't at all. I was in a really bad place). I won't lie that I'm a little angry. He was a bridge player before he played with me, but I convinced him to come traveling and to play with me full-time. I'm fairly confident that he would be much less involved with the game had it not been for my arm-twisting several years ago. There's of course a huge feeling of "it should have been me." Not instead of him, but with him. It's really, really sad.
I'm also happy for him, and happy for my friend who was his partner in the event.
But it's really hard for me.
