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May. 17th, 2013 08:07 amI meant to post this here two nights ago, but LJ wasn't letting me post during maintenance. Anyway, here's something I wrote for Emily.
In just about two weeks, I'm going to toast my best friend of 29 years and the man who has been by her side (and mine, via the transitive property of loved ones) for 10 years (!!) at their wedding. But unless the whole crowd wants to hear me ramble on for many hours, I'm going to have to pick just a few highlights from the last 29 years of laughs, tears, love, and sibling rivalry. Since I can't share all the stories in my toast, I'll share a few here leading up to the big day. And I promise I won't make any "it's about time!" jokes.
I have always thought of Emily as my little sister. These days, I don't even go through the spiel of "well, we're not REALLY sisters, but we grew up together and blah, blah, blah." I just refer to her as my little sister and let people who actually listen to me when I talk be confused about it when I also talk about being the baby of my family.
As the baby of the Massie clan, and the only daughter, I always wanted a little sister. I begged my mom and thought she was SO MEAN not to give me another sibling -- a younger one, one I could actually boss around! I really ached for a little sister, but the truth is, I've had one as long as I can remember. Emily and I grew up in the same neighborhood, and we spent every waking minute together as children, and lots of sleeping minutes, too. And I DID boss her around! A lot! The fact that she's grown up as independent and strong as she has, and the fact that she still chooses to associate with me after all that bossing around are a testament to her amazing character.
We went through a lot of the same phases that most close siblings do, especially the rivalries. In hindsight, I'm really glad I'm a year older and had that head start on Emily, because if it weren't for the 13 months of childhood development I had on her, I think my ego would have suffered mightily with the results of a more balanced contest.
In adulthood, I have chosen to refer to Emily exclusively as my sister, because after all we've shared, "best friend" just isn't strong enough to describe my attachment to her. And I even think sometimes that "sister" isn't the right word, either, because after all, you're almost biologically and environmentally forced to love your siblings. Or at least put up with them. Emily and I don't have to like each other or spend time around each other. While we still share some very important fundamental characteristics forged in our joint childhood, we have grown up to be very different people. We've lived far apart. We've taken on different interests. I HATE soccer! and I CAN'T sing! One would think these would get me blacklisted from Em's social circle. But in spite of these horrific flaws of mine -- and some others I haven't mentioned, I guess -- Emily still calls me "best friend" and "sister." We've chosen to stay close, even though we don't have a familial obligation to do so. And that choice, at least from my end, hasn't even been conscious. It's been easy. Probably because we're just soul mates. Sorry, Chris.
I'm going to stick with "sister," though, because if I start dropping "soul mate" in casual conversation, I think that would be even more confusing and awkward. And uncomfortable.
If "best friend" isn't a strong enough label for my relationship with her, imagine the trouble I have when I talk about Chris. "Boyfriend" has sure been an underbid for at least the last five or six years. And Emily would puke if I described him as her "soul mate," (but I wouldn't, because we've already established that's me). Ten years. I've been married twice in that time! The only steady relationship I've had that lasted ten years or more was -- is -- Emily. And if she's capable of maintaining a strong bond with someone as socially dysfunctional as I've been, then I think that bodes very well for the next several decades with Chris (whom I do not consider socially dysfunctional at all, for the record).
The thing about sibling rivalry is that sometimes it's difficult to stomach your sib's successes. I've always been proud of Emily's many accomplishments, but I admit that I didn't always want her to be the best at everything -- because if she was, then she was beating me. But she is the CLEAR winner in relationshipping. There's just no contest. So I gracefully concede victory at partnering to my amazing kid sister. I know that she and Chris are going to have an amazing life together. They already have, for their entire adult lives. And she may be better at wifing than I ever have been or will be, but at 1 to 2, she'll never catch up to me in number of husbands! So there.
And now I get to begin a new movement in the semantics dance, as I try to decide what I'll call Chris. Brother-in-law doesn't feel quite right (the "law" part makes it feel to official to fudge), and "sister's husband" is kind of clunky. I'll probably end up calling him the same thing I call my father-in-law: Chris.
In just about two weeks, I'm going to toast my best friend of 29 years and the man who has been by her side (and mine, via the transitive property of loved ones) for 10 years (!!) at their wedding. But unless the whole crowd wants to hear me ramble on for many hours, I'm going to have to pick just a few highlights from the last 29 years of laughs, tears, love, and sibling rivalry. Since I can't share all the stories in my toast, I'll share a few here leading up to the big day. And I promise I won't make any "it's about time!" jokes.
I have always thought of Emily as my little sister. These days, I don't even go through the spiel of "well, we're not REALLY sisters, but we grew up together and blah, blah, blah." I just refer to her as my little sister and let people who actually listen to me when I talk be confused about it when I also talk about being the baby of my family.
As the baby of the Massie clan, and the only daughter, I always wanted a little sister. I begged my mom and thought she was SO MEAN not to give me another sibling -- a younger one, one I could actually boss around! I really ached for a little sister, but the truth is, I've had one as long as I can remember. Emily and I grew up in the same neighborhood, and we spent every waking minute together as children, and lots of sleeping minutes, too. And I DID boss her around! A lot! The fact that she's grown up as independent and strong as she has, and the fact that she still chooses to associate with me after all that bossing around are a testament to her amazing character.
We went through a lot of the same phases that most close siblings do, especially the rivalries. In hindsight, I'm really glad I'm a year older and had that head start on Emily, because if it weren't for the 13 months of childhood development I had on her, I think my ego would have suffered mightily with the results of a more balanced contest.
In adulthood, I have chosen to refer to Emily exclusively as my sister, because after all we've shared, "best friend" just isn't strong enough to describe my attachment to her. And I even think sometimes that "sister" isn't the right word, either, because after all, you're almost biologically and environmentally forced to love your siblings. Or at least put up with them. Emily and I don't have to like each other or spend time around each other. While we still share some very important fundamental characteristics forged in our joint childhood, we have grown up to be very different people. We've lived far apart. We've taken on different interests. I HATE soccer! and I CAN'T sing! One would think these would get me blacklisted from Em's social circle. But in spite of these horrific flaws of mine -- and some others I haven't mentioned, I guess -- Emily still calls me "best friend" and "sister." We've chosen to stay close, even though we don't have a familial obligation to do so. And that choice, at least from my end, hasn't even been conscious. It's been easy. Probably because we're just soul mates. Sorry, Chris.
I'm going to stick with "sister," though, because if I start dropping "soul mate" in casual conversation, I think that would be even more confusing and awkward. And uncomfortable.
If "best friend" isn't a strong enough label for my relationship with her, imagine the trouble I have when I talk about Chris. "Boyfriend" has sure been an underbid for at least the last five or six years. And Emily would puke if I described him as her "soul mate," (but I wouldn't, because we've already established that's me). Ten years. I've been married twice in that time! The only steady relationship I've had that lasted ten years or more was -- is -- Emily. And if she's capable of maintaining a strong bond with someone as socially dysfunctional as I've been, then I think that bodes very well for the next several decades with Chris (whom I do not consider socially dysfunctional at all, for the record).
The thing about sibling rivalry is that sometimes it's difficult to stomach your sib's successes. I've always been proud of Emily's many accomplishments, but I admit that I didn't always want her to be the best at everything -- because if she was, then she was beating me. But she is the CLEAR winner in relationshipping. There's just no contest. So I gracefully concede victory at partnering to my amazing kid sister. I know that she and Chris are going to have an amazing life together. They already have, for their entire adult lives. And she may be better at wifing than I ever have been or will be, but at 1 to 2, she'll never catch up to me in number of husbands! So there.
And now I get to begin a new movement in the semantics dance, as I try to decide what I'll call Chris. Brother-in-law doesn't feel quite right (the "law" part makes it feel to official to fudge), and "sister's husband" is kind of clunky. I'll probably end up calling him the same thing I call my father-in-law: Chris.
