(no subject)

I haven't said much here lately. I haven't wanted to. I'm kind of exhausted with my life right now. Things are shitty. I know that I am lucky in my life. I am surrounded by good people who love me, and I have lived a life of privilege that has led me to a pretty chill adulthood. Things could be a lot worse. And I know I will be okay. But right now, things are hard. McKenzie and I are struggling. We're not fighting, and we're mostly treating each other with love and respect and kindness as we deal with our shit, but we're facing the fact that we've got a lot of shit. We're not sure if we're going to make it out of this. I want to. He wants to. But there's not a lot of hope that we will. And it's sad and scary and really really sad. I'm exhausted and don't really want to talk much about it, but I figured I'd mention it anyway, because I wanted to explain my recent absence and whatever vaguebooking I may have done. We've just started counseling (2nd session tomorrow), and we're actually getting along really well -- maybe better than ever? -- but we're learning/facing that we want really different things, and the relationship may not be able to survive those differences. But we're not giving up on it...we're going to exhaust our efforts first, and hopefully that puts us in a better place. If we do come through all this still together, we'll definitely be much stronger for it. But you know what builds strength? Pain. And it sucks.