(no subject)

Last night I had a dream that I was cuddling with Nicolas Batum, the French small forward who starts for the Trailblazers. And Batum kept referring to our cuddling as "lovemaking." That was weird. I'm a big fan, but I've never been particularly attracted to him. Guess I was just really hot for cuddles last night. (I may have gone to bed under the influence...)

Anyway.

I'm feeling good about things. Z and I had a difficult counseling session last night, but even though it was hard, it wasn't contentious and whereas in the past we've often been distant from one another after such discussions, we ended the session last night with kindness and closeness, and then went out for froyo and fart jokes. Not that we need to make an occasion of fart jokes -- they're part of our daily interactions, for sure -- but the point is that even though we're stretching and testing our emotions, we're still in a generally positive, normal place in our dynamic. It feels healthy and reassuring -- so many things have been so scary to address, because our current happy dynamic seems so fragile, but I'm gaining confidence each day. I'm really feeling healthier, both individually and in my marriage, and I don't want to take that for granted at all. It's been work. I continue to work. And it feels like this work is paying divdends. So, you know, yay.

The feelings, they are mixed.

McKenzie just booked a trip to Zanzibar next month. I'm really excited for him...and incredibly jealous.

I could go. I can afford the ticket and I can probably swing the time off. But I decided the responsible thing for me to do is stay home and work. I need to put some real hours into real estate, and also get real hours on the clock at my hourly job at NCM.

It is SO HARD to decline an opportunity to travel, though. Especially someplace so awesome. While my husband goes.

I hope I get some excellent presents out of this trip.

My travel agenda is pretty light for the rest of the year: Seattle the weekend after next, SFO two weekends after that, Philly-Charlottesville-Providence circuit right around Thanksgiving and the NABC, and then maybe traveling over Christmas, either back to VA again or to Reno for the regional. Possibly a little of each.

I do understand that calling that agenda "light" is ridiculous to some people. But this is how I live. I have roots, but I'm a wanderer. And I really love it. I'm hopeful that my real estate career will take off in such a way that when travel deals come along, I won't feel like they're now-or-never opportunities. Sure, it's great to get a huge discount on a trip to an exotic place, but I'm hoping that I'll be able to comfortably afford the regular price soon enough. Then it won't sting so much to say no to Zanzibar right now...I can go to Zanzibar later. Right? Yeah. Who wants to go to Zanzibar with me?