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Mar. 7th, 2011 08:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jianantonicI have a confession to make. I haven't officially worked out in over a month. I've done a few hikes and long walks and such, and I haven't been completely lazy, but it's been about six weeks since I put on a sports bra and worked up a sweat.
This is the kind of thing that would've sent me into a shame spiral in the pre-Prozac world. I used to obsess about fitness and working out and all that. Now? Not so much. I still enjoy working out and being athletic, and I have no intention of letting myself go, but for the first time in a long time, I gave myself permission not to care so much, and it felt really good. I've gained some weight and lost some strength, but I'm okay with it. I figure I'll get back into a gym routine one of these days and I'll probably lose that weight again. If I don't, oh well, I still feel pretty great about the way I look.
I never intended to take six weeks off, but it just sorta happened. When I first went back to Oregon in early February, I was devoting all of my time to Z and working things out there. And I was pretty exhausted from the emotions of it all. And by the time I was over the exhaustion, my headaches were getting so debilitating that working out really wasn't an option anyway. I told myself that today I would go to yoga, but I didn't really believe myself until I was there. I kind of knew all day long that I would probably give myself one more day off. But then I talked to Z right before the class started, and I told him I was debating between yoga and a nap. He made the very good point that I'd feel better after yoga than I would after a nap. So I went. And it was good, and I'm glad to have broken my sloth streak.
I've noticed something in my years of yoga practice. All instructors have their favorite buzz words. Words they use over and over and over throughout a class. And inevitably, whatever buzz word they use, they're either mispronouncing it or using it entirely incorrectly. Always. There's one instructor at the Gold's here who's always telling us to feel our "gluTEEal" muscles, with a crazy emphasis on the middle syllable. It's one thing to mispronounce the Sanskrit words for the poses and moves, but it's an entirely different thing to mispronounce English words that they use over and over all the goddamn time. I love yoga and I love the instructors -- this is just a weird quirk that I've noticed is almost universal. Tonight's instructor kept telling us to "evolve" our bodies when she meant "twist" (even "revolve" doesn't really fit with what we were doing). "Evolve your shoulders to the left." "Evolve your torso over your thighs." "Evolve your whole upper body to the right."
Anyway, it felt good to be back in the gym, and I do intend to go back again tomorrow. You know, so I can feel more evolved.
I also had my first session with Dr. P since I was last in Cville. It went really well, and as always, I left feeling energized and optimistic. I had a nice talk with Z about the progress I've made and the things I'm working on. Basically everyone in my life (including my therapist and myself) is really surprised at how dramatically I've changed, and how positive those changes are. I'm a long way from "all better," but I feel really, really great. And I'm proud of myself.
I have an appointment with my physician tomorrow to refill my prescriptions and hopefully figure out my headaches. I really don't like how there's always something wrong with me -- coccyx, wrist, headaches, etc. -- but in the grand scheme of things, my life is going pretty well. So I'm not complaining.
This is the kind of thing that would've sent me into a shame spiral in the pre-Prozac world. I used to obsess about fitness and working out and all that. Now? Not so much. I still enjoy working out and being athletic, and I have no intention of letting myself go, but for the first time in a long time, I gave myself permission not to care so much, and it felt really good. I've gained some weight and lost some strength, but I'm okay with it. I figure I'll get back into a gym routine one of these days and I'll probably lose that weight again. If I don't, oh well, I still feel pretty great about the way I look.
I never intended to take six weeks off, but it just sorta happened. When I first went back to Oregon in early February, I was devoting all of my time to Z and working things out there. And I was pretty exhausted from the emotions of it all. And by the time I was over the exhaustion, my headaches were getting so debilitating that working out really wasn't an option anyway. I told myself that today I would go to yoga, but I didn't really believe myself until I was there. I kind of knew all day long that I would probably give myself one more day off. But then I talked to Z right before the class started, and I told him I was debating between yoga and a nap. He made the very good point that I'd feel better after yoga than I would after a nap. So I went. And it was good, and I'm glad to have broken my sloth streak.
I've noticed something in my years of yoga practice. All instructors have their favorite buzz words. Words they use over and over and over throughout a class. And inevitably, whatever buzz word they use, they're either mispronouncing it or using it entirely incorrectly. Always. There's one instructor at the Gold's here who's always telling us to feel our "gluTEEal" muscles, with a crazy emphasis on the middle syllable. It's one thing to mispronounce the Sanskrit words for the poses and moves, but it's an entirely different thing to mispronounce English words that they use over and over all the goddamn time. I love yoga and I love the instructors -- this is just a weird quirk that I've noticed is almost universal. Tonight's instructor kept telling us to "evolve" our bodies when she meant "twist" (even "revolve" doesn't really fit with what we were doing). "Evolve your shoulders to the left." "Evolve your torso over your thighs." "Evolve your whole upper body to the right."
Anyway, it felt good to be back in the gym, and I do intend to go back again tomorrow. You know, so I can feel more evolved.
I also had my first session with Dr. P since I was last in Cville. It went really well, and as always, I left feeling energized and optimistic. I had a nice talk with Z about the progress I've made and the things I'm working on. Basically everyone in my life (including my therapist and myself) is really surprised at how dramatically I've changed, and how positive those changes are. I'm a long way from "all better," but I feel really, really great. And I'm proud of myself.
I have an appointment with my physician tomorrow to refill my prescriptions and hopefully figure out my headaches. I really don't like how there's always something wrong with me -- coccyx, wrist, headaches, etc. -- but in the grand scheme of things, my life is going pretty well. So I'm not complaining.
