Sappy post is sappy

[jianantonic]

I don't cry nearly as much as I used to before treating my depression, but I'm sitting here right now bawling my eyes out. I just find myself overwhelmed at how much love there is in my life right now, and it's totally a good thing.

At lunch with Dave, we talked a lot about mental health, our personal struggles and triumphs, and were very open with each other, as we always are, about the ups and downs we face. Both of us are more up than down lately, and so it was a heartwarming conversation, but I was still moved to tears several times when he made certain remarks about how much he enjoyed our talks, and how impressed he is with my progress. I told him how of all my friends, he's the easiest for me to open up to because he just GETS me, and I value that so much.

Various people from different corners of my life have been reaching out to me lately, all in really positive ways, and I just feel like all the work I've done on self-improvement has been paying dividends. I've been having lots of random lovefests -- it's always good when someone tells you what they like about you, and I love telling other people why I think they're awesome. There's been a lot of that going around lately and it just feels so fucking good I can't help but sob a little bit.

Falcon Ridge is coming up, and I've been having FRFF dreams lately in anticipation. To someone who's never been, I don't think I could possibly adequately explain the community our group has created in the ten years that I've been attending. It's a ragtag bunch of people that have come together through random circumstance and we all just click so fucking beautifully. For an event that's only four days out of every year, it's amazing what a huge chunk of my heart this festival and its people occupy.

And then there's Livejournal. I so appreciate those of you who are hanging on like I am to this almost forgotten social media platform. I love the stories, the support, the mental exercise I get from my LJ friends. Reading my own archives is at times physically painful for me (mostly it's shame), but I'm glad it's here. Ten years now I've been writing this blog. I haven't changed the layout or color scheme or upgraded my account at all in that time. I am a creature of habit, what can I say? Precisely zero of my original LJ buddies are still active here, but I'm happy to have met so many awesome people through this site, and I don't know what I would do if it ever completely died. So let's not let that happen.

Anyway. Things are good. Not perfect, but really grand. I have good people in every corner. The positive far outweighs the negative. I am happy right now, and I'm fairly confident I'll be just as happy tomorrow and the next day. And that's a great feeling.

Comments

[istar.livejournal.com]

Aww, that's so neat that you are moved to great emotions by the awesomeness going on in life! I'm glad we are getting to know each other IRL and on LJ now -- I remember meeting you ages ago, but now we're getting more connected, partially because of this quirky fandomy journaling platform. Yay!

[jianantonic.livejournal.com]

Yay indeed :)

[deepseasiren.livejournal.com]

You've seen me at my worst and best, certainly this past year has been one of the most difficult in the three years of this entire court case that has transpired. And yet so many great things have happened too, so many learning experiences that have made me a better and stronger person.

[deepseasiren.livejournal.com]

I had forgotten you've been on LJ so long. I've been here about 6.5 years but I do have some LJ friends who have been here much longer, in fact a few when LJ first came online and was one of the first 'social media' type blogs out there.

It's great to hear that things are good and that we befriended each other at what appears to be crucial turning points in our lives. I certainly hope you'll be around when I LOL get out of my next incarceration. I have everyone's address to write to. :)

[jianantonic.livejournal.com]

I hope you don't get stuck with too much time, but I am looking forward to writing you. I think you should write a memoir. Your life is so incredibly interesting, and if you're going to have a lot of time on your hands...I'd be happy to edit it!

[deepseasiren.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure you'd think of me the same way if I were to write everything down LOL about my life. I did that for NanoWriMo here on LJ when I first joined in 2006 though, and it was about 100,000 words. It only included the adult industry stuff of course because this whole court case had not come to fruition until 2010.

[jianantonic.livejournal.com]

Well hey, include what you want, it's your story :) I just think there's a lot of interesting stuff in your life, from the adult industry to the whole Bob fiasco...I'll have to go back to your archives and read the older stuff. I did read all the Bob stuff from back in 2010 and forward from there.

[teefers.livejournal.com]

Oh hai, I've been on lj for about that long too :D
We haven't known each other for that long but I'm sure glad to make your acquaintance!

[jianantonic.livejournal.com]

Right on :) It's nice to find other active LJers who seem rad :)

[waitingonsunday.livejournal.com]

I love those periods where you're getting positive interaction with friends on all sides. Makes me love humanity.

And I feel the same way about LJ. Keep paddling, guys, WE CAN DO THIS!