jianantonic | Farewell, Girlyman

We knew it was coming, but now that their breakup is official, it feels right to reflect on what Girlyman has meant to me for the past ten years.

I attended my first Falcon Ridge Folk Festival in 2003, with my then-fiance Jeremy. I was 20, and I'd traveled some, but knew little of life outside very red, rural Virginia. I was into mostly heavy metal, but also the Indigo Girls and Eddie From Ohio. It was EFO that brought me to FRFF, but I had NO idea what to expect from the experience. The Edhead/Fruhead camp immediately welcomed us into the fold, and I began a sharp transformation from angsty metalhead to folkie. Since we knew none of the music besides EFO, we relied on recommendations from other campers for what music to see, but no one recommended Girlyman specifically. They were largely unknown at the time, and we decided to see them because we liked their name.

My music collection endured quite a remodeling after that first Falcon Ridge, but if I had to single out the one CD I cherished most from that weekend of discovery, it is HANDS DOWN Girlyman's "Remember Who I Am." We got on Girlyman's mailing list and were psyched to see them coming to Charlottesville's Gravity Lounge (RIP). We convinced a few friends to come with us, and were kind of shocked that our group of four made up 2/3 of the audience that night. Whatever, man, we loved the show. When they came back to Gravity a few months later, the house was packed, and I was filled with pride when they asked for a show of hands for who was at their first Gravity Lounge show, with only six in attendance. Fuck yeah I was one of the original six.

Jeremy and I reached out to Girlyman in the spring of 2004 about playing our wedding. If they would do it, they could pick the date. They agreed, and had a hole in their touring schedule on September 5, after another Gravity Lounge show. That would be perfect. It was, coincidentally, the second anniversary of our first date. (If you're doing the math, you can calculate that I was 21 at the time of this wedding. May I suggest to young people in love, perhaps, consider a lengthy engagement.) The marriage didn't last very long, but that's okay. The wedding remains a highlight of my life. My own personal Girlyman concert! Oh yeah, I mean our.

Girlyman's sophomore album came out right after the wedding, and by their third release, the divorce was under way. This new album, "Joyful Sign," has a lot of songs about transition. As their first two albums had been the soundtrack of my foolish, youthful love story, this one was the soundtrack of my divorce. "Sometimes leaving is a joyful sign" became my mantra. I was too full of pride to talk to any of the people who would have gladly been my support system in that time -- divorcing after a quickie marriage that everyone told me I was too young to enter in the first place was pretty hard on the old ego. I didn't even admit to my parents that we'd separated until eight months after the fact. So this music was the closest thing to a confidant that I had at a time when I needed it so badly. I latched on hard.

A couple years down the road, I started dating McKenzie. Or rather, I should say that I fell for McKenzie. We lived on opposite coasts and didn't have much opportunity to date, but when he came to visit me in Virginia for the first time, he found a Girlyman concert a mere five hours away in Harrisburg, PA. He didn't know Girlyman at the time, but he knew I loved them, and he was so stupidly smitten with me back then that he was willing to take a ten-hour round trip (to what turned out to be a REALLY sketchy neighborhood) to see a band he really only hoped he would like. And yay! He did like them! Loved them, even! And that was our first real date. A crazy long drive to a city we had no real reason to visit, on a work night, to see my favorite band. And it was wonderful.

I made some great friends through Girlyfandom. Jessica and I crossed paths a number of times, usually online and sometimes in person, through our mutual adoration for the band. When I needed to move across the country in 2009, Jess just so happened to be planning a cross-country road trip at the time and was looking for company. We barely knew each other, but agreed to live in a car together for two weeks. And those were two of the greatest weeks of my life. I don't know if I would have met Jess at all had it not been for our Girlyman connection -- we lived 700 miles apart and had no mutual friends (until later -- also through Girlyman connections). You guys know how much I love Jess, right? I love the POOP out of that girl. We live even farther apart now, and rarely see each other, and yet she's in, like, half of my hypothetical highlight reel of life. We went to motherfucking AFRICA together. I digress somewhat but the point is I have amazing people and amazing experiences in my life because we shared this love for this band, and that was enough of a connection to spark some incredible adventures.

Girlyman also opened my eyes and ears to more great music. I have been to dozens of their shows, and through opening acts and co-bills and festivals where they've shared the stage, I've discovered many more favorites. This band is both directly and indirectly a huge part of who I am.

It's sad that Girlyman is no more, but I have a decade of fantastic memories from my time following them, and the wonderful thing about recorded music is that it's recorded.