jianantonic | New Perspective, Maybe?

McKenzie got home yesterday evening and we had a session with our counselor. The last few weeks have been brutally hard and I've been having a difficult time thinking about the future. I have so many potential plans that I just haven't been able to commit to because I don't know if I'll be married or divorcing, financially okay or broke, etc. Am I going to Providence for the NABC? Will I go to Virginia for Thanksgiving? What about Christmas? Am I buying a new car? What am I looking for? So many of these decisions hinge on whether I am married and have the support of my husband or if I am rebuilding life on my own. But decisions need to be made. I mentioned this to our counselor last night and he said "You're married! Operate on that basis until you learn otherwise. You can change plans."

Seems obvious, right? But now that I'm thinking of it that way, I'm not feeling so close to the edge of the marriage, and that's good. So I'm going to make my plans for Providence as soon as I can get the OK from work. I'm not letting myself book tickets until I finish real estate school, though. It's actually my plan to finish this weekend and schedule the test for next week or the week after. Wish me luck and productivity!

The therapy session last night was really difficult, and I sobbed basically throughout, but it was overall very positive. I feel much more secure and confident than I did before going in. I don't know how long that feeling will last, as the recent trend has been extreme volatility, but I've learned not to expect a certain future. Just go with what is true right now, and adjust plans as needed when things change. Breathe.