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[personal profile] jianantonic
Friday is my weigh-in day at Weight Watchers, in the three weeks that I've been going back now. I haven't been attending meetings again yet...dunno if I will...I don't feel like I get much out of them because they're mostly about tips for cooking, which I don't do, or how to get started exercising, and I already do a lot of that, so...meh. They're pretty boring. And I know the program. But maybe the extra boost of accountability would be good for me.

Anyway, I was down 1.6 pounds this week. That's good! But...I was disappointed it wasn't more. A few reasons. One, I feel like I really stuck to the program closely this week, and therefore it *should* be a nice big loss, whereas last week, I didn't start tracking until the middle of the week, but lost more weight. Two, I've got so far to go before I feel good about my body again, I just want it to go faster. I know there are natural ebbs and flows with a woman's metabolism, so the fact that I was "better" this week but lost less isn't that big a deal, really, and I still lost almost 2 pounds, which is the high end of healthy weight loss for a week. I just wanted it to be more. Like...30 pounds. Is that so much to ask? Yeah, yeah, okay. Honestly, I'd like to lose 40 pounds from where I am right now. Realistically, my body just may not be able to maintain that low a weight anymore. The best I've been able to maintain in my 30's is about 35 pounds below my current weight. That was before my car accident and before I switched from Prozac to Effexor. The lowest I've ever been as an adult is 50 pounds below my current weight. If I get that low again, it'll be because I'm very ill. But anyway, doing the math, if I can sustain what is really a fast weight loss pace of about a pound and a half per week, I'll meet my goal by, like...the end of summer. Which feels so far off. And that's if I do this quickly. Sigh. I wish I could be genuinely happy at any size...I DO believe I'm beautiful at my current size. I know Toby thinks I'm gorgeous. But I just don't like my body like this. I'm not as strong, not as fit, and my clothes don't look as good. So...onward.


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