Accidental Dream
Jan. 24th, 2005 07:25 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jianantonicI had such a strange dream. It is no doubt a result of my Accidentals-worship. Here's what happened...
The Accidentals were going on tour to Florida, and had invited me to come along. We all decided on Massanutten as a rendezvouz point. Two adult chaperones were going to drive us all the whole way, and they showed up in a minivan and an old Chevy Nova. Out of the thirteen or so of us, the cars looked like they had room to seat a total of about 10. But we squished in. I ended up separated from Emily, in the Nova, with Katie Ro, Lucy, Kanene, Sarah, and Alayna. Bekah or Catherine might have been in that car, too. Anyway it didn't start off well. I was just making an ass of myself and no one wanted to talk to me. After about an hour of driving, we stopped at some lady's house for a break. They all talked about Accidentals things and made me feel very left out and envious. Lucy talked about the time when Master P was one of their drivers and how he really liked their music. I think I've been watching too much I love the 90s on VH1. Hehe. But then we went back out to the cars to push on, and the Nova had burst into flames and died. Then I woke up. Weird, huh? Anyway, despite the uncomfortableness of this dream, I'm still looking forward to seeing the Accidentals again soon.
Last night I did the Pilates again and Jer and I went to bed early and read together again. The book we're reading is called Conversations with God, and I'd recommend it to anyone. For us, it is a particularly moving experience. This book has given me answers to a lot of the questions that really bugged me, particularly about heaven. My basic problem with the idea of heaven is that for me, it wouldn't be paradise if I couldn't be with my loved ones. I want to be able to consciously interact with my grandparents, with Jeremy, with whoever else...but if I am able to do that, then won't conflict arise just like it does here and make things less than perfect just like they are here? I mean, there is nothing appealing to me about sitting with God in a very warm light for the rest of eternity. But I don't feel like dealing with conflict until the end of time, either. But from reading this book, I've received a new concept of Heaven. Heaven is (or should be, so this is to me, the best thing to believe in) a place where your soul achieves its highest perfection. It is the only way a human can be completely what they are. It's a very Platonic idea - kind of the realm of forms for souls. But it works. It's still a place where you are completely you, but lacking in all the shit that keeps you from your highest self. So I like that. And I thank God for giving me the person he did in Jeremy, who is compassionate when I just can't quite grasp a concept, and who gives me new and better ways to look at life. I'm not exactly sure how God exists, but there is no doubt in my mind that Jeremy is a divine gift made especially for me.
Today I have to go to the post office, then Bridgewater for a bit, then Jer and I are going out to dinner with the Vogens. Sadly, they don't like Indian food...but we'll find someplace nice:)
Peace.
The Accidentals were going on tour to Florida, and had invited me to come along. We all decided on Massanutten as a rendezvouz point. Two adult chaperones were going to drive us all the whole way, and they showed up in a minivan and an old Chevy Nova. Out of the thirteen or so of us, the cars looked like they had room to seat a total of about 10. But we squished in. I ended up separated from Emily, in the Nova, with Katie Ro, Lucy, Kanene, Sarah, and Alayna. Bekah or Catherine might have been in that car, too. Anyway it didn't start off well. I was just making an ass of myself and no one wanted to talk to me. After about an hour of driving, we stopped at some lady's house for a break. They all talked about Accidentals things and made me feel very left out and envious. Lucy talked about the time when Master P was one of their drivers and how he really liked their music. I think I've been watching too much I love the 90s on VH1. Hehe. But then we went back out to the cars to push on, and the Nova had burst into flames and died. Then I woke up. Weird, huh? Anyway, despite the uncomfortableness of this dream, I'm still looking forward to seeing the Accidentals again soon.
Last night I did the Pilates again and Jer and I went to bed early and read together again. The book we're reading is called Conversations with God, and I'd recommend it to anyone. For us, it is a particularly moving experience. This book has given me answers to a lot of the questions that really bugged me, particularly about heaven. My basic problem with the idea of heaven is that for me, it wouldn't be paradise if I couldn't be with my loved ones. I want to be able to consciously interact with my grandparents, with Jeremy, with whoever else...but if I am able to do that, then won't conflict arise just like it does here and make things less than perfect just like they are here? I mean, there is nothing appealing to me about sitting with God in a very warm light for the rest of eternity. But I don't feel like dealing with conflict until the end of time, either. But from reading this book, I've received a new concept of Heaven. Heaven is (or should be, so this is to me, the best thing to believe in) a place where your soul achieves its highest perfection. It is the only way a human can be completely what they are. It's a very Platonic idea - kind of the realm of forms for souls. But it works. It's still a place where you are completely you, but lacking in all the shit that keeps you from your highest self. So I like that. And I thank God for giving me the person he did in Jeremy, who is compassionate when I just can't quite grasp a concept, and who gives me new and better ways to look at life. I'm not exactly sure how God exists, but there is no doubt in my mind that Jeremy is a divine gift made especially for me.
Today I have to go to the post office, then Bridgewater for a bit, then Jer and I are going out to dinner with the Vogens. Sadly, they don't like Indian food...but we'll find someplace nice:)
Peace.
