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Apr. 20th, 2005 12:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jianantonicWhat follows is a long rant that I didn't write with the intention that anyone would read it. I mostly just wrote it to get the feelings out and somewhat organized. You can read it if you want, but you will be no less up-to-date on my life if you skip it.
Today has not been good, but I think we will learn from the bad. Some shit just hit the fan and I couldn't take it anymore so I unloaded on Jeremy. We both have a lot to think about - I said some really harsh things. The sad thing is, I meant them, and now we need to work on them. It's just that I don't think Jeremy is trying very hard to get a better job, and it's driving me nuts. He got hired at the water park, but now he's saying he doesn't want to do it, and he keeps going back and forth on ministry, and he won't apply to teach because he doesn't think he'll get hired and it's like for crying out loud just try! Or be honest and say it's not what you want to do...but look for something that you do want because if you want to be a waiter for the rest of eternity, we're going to have some problems. It's not like I married him for all the money I knew he'd make - it's just that I want the boy to show some motivation. There's so much I want out of life but I need his support and he's been so noncommittal about so much. Like I want to open a camp on the farm - which was his idea in the first place - and now he's saying he doesn't think we should. This frustration is compounded by the fact that I still can't get in touch with Lisa Branson even though I've called like a hundred times a day - but at least I can say I'm working toward a goal. If Jeremy was trying and just not getting anywhere, I'd feel better than I do about him saying he'll try and then backing down. It's frustrating because I love him so much, but at the same time I can't look kindly on him the way he's just lazing around when I need him to work harder because I would like there to come a day when we can have the house to ourselves and not rent every spare room just to pay the bills. I would also like working toilets, better appliances, a cleaning service (cause lord knows we'll never be tidy), and a vacation here and there. I should not have to sacrifice working toilets!
I'm still frustrated about these things but Jer and I had a long talk and I think I finally got through to him how upset I am. Now that he understands, I'm sure things will get better. It's just that before he didn't see any harm in putting things off. He didn't realize it was making me crazy.
This post makes Jeremy look really bad, which is why I put it behind a cut I guess, but I know people are going to read it anyway so I need to say some things in Jer's defense. He is a wonderful husband and I love every bit of him. We have a great marriage and I'm confident we'll be happy all our days. But we fight sometimes, and today was a big one. Just, lots of things, some unmentioned here, came to the surface today and we didn't see eye to eye - at first. But now we do and while we're both frustrated about things, we know what to do to make things better now and we're going to do them. At least, that's the plan. We'll see.
Peace.
Today has not been good, but I think we will learn from the bad. Some shit just hit the fan and I couldn't take it anymore so I unloaded on Jeremy. We both have a lot to think about - I said some really harsh things. The sad thing is, I meant them, and now we need to work on them. It's just that I don't think Jeremy is trying very hard to get a better job, and it's driving me nuts. He got hired at the water park, but now he's saying he doesn't want to do it, and he keeps going back and forth on ministry, and he won't apply to teach because he doesn't think he'll get hired and it's like for crying out loud just try! Or be honest and say it's not what you want to do...but look for something that you do want because if you want to be a waiter for the rest of eternity, we're going to have some problems. It's not like I married him for all the money I knew he'd make - it's just that I want the boy to show some motivation. There's so much I want out of life but I need his support and he's been so noncommittal about so much. Like I want to open a camp on the farm - which was his idea in the first place - and now he's saying he doesn't think we should. This frustration is compounded by the fact that I still can't get in touch with Lisa Branson even though I've called like a hundred times a day - but at least I can say I'm working toward a goal. If Jeremy was trying and just not getting anywhere, I'd feel better than I do about him saying he'll try and then backing down. It's frustrating because I love him so much, but at the same time I can't look kindly on him the way he's just lazing around when I need him to work harder because I would like there to come a day when we can have the house to ourselves and not rent every spare room just to pay the bills. I would also like working toilets, better appliances, a cleaning service (cause lord knows we'll never be tidy), and a vacation here and there. I should not have to sacrifice working toilets!
I'm still frustrated about these things but Jer and I had a long talk and I think I finally got through to him how upset I am. Now that he understands, I'm sure things will get better. It's just that before he didn't see any harm in putting things off. He didn't realize it was making me crazy.
This post makes Jeremy look really bad, which is why I put it behind a cut I guess, but I know people are going to read it anyway so I need to say some things in Jer's defense. He is a wonderful husband and I love every bit of him. We have a great marriage and I'm confident we'll be happy all our days. But we fight sometimes, and today was a big one. Just, lots of things, some unmentioned here, came to the surface today and we didn't see eye to eye - at first. But now we do and while we're both frustrated about things, we know what to do to make things better now and we're going to do them. At least, that's the plan. We'll see.
Peace.
