More Procrastination

Today was my second day of summer school. I'm taking Religions of the Near East, with Jeremy, Manny, SLY, Grace, and taught by Dr. Abshire. It's going to be a really good discussion class. I'm worried about my thesis, though. I'm supposed to be done by the 10th, and I just can't make myself do it. Still. I'm bipolar, and I get these blocks. I can still do work, just not the work that I really need to do. My thesis is already a month late, and I have grossly overdue library books as well. I even know exactly what I want to write...I just can't do it. Otherwise, I don't feel depressed. I just sit at my computer and do whatever I can that isn't the thesis. The music I listen to makes me happy enough not to worry about it until the end of the day when I realize I'm still a slacker who can't do anything. It's really bothering Jeremy and putting a strain on our happiness together right now. We've fought a lot lately, I think because he's worried about me and doesn't know how to tell me without making me upset. Anyway I just can't wait till I'm done with the thing. It's funny, on this blog, I can write volumes in minutes, and I'm pretty sure it's coherent and all my grammar is correct, etc. But on a big paper that's going to be published in a really important library...no...that's too much. It's not that the pressure gets to me. I'm totally psyched to have this kind of semi-fame for my intelligence...I'm just too fucking distracted, or something. I wish I could do something about that. Jeremy's going to get home tonight and see that I haven't been productive, and he'll be upset with me, and I'll probably cry a lot, and he will tell me it's okay, that I shouldn't worry about it, and I'll feel better. But then tomorrow it will be the same thing over again and I won't have gotten any more work done. Oh well. I don't have anything much to write, and I don't want people to think I have this terrible, depressing life. I don't at all. I love my life, and I'm having a great time doing my thing...it's just that this paper is not my thing and it's totally in my way. Anyway, yeah...peace.