I have been part lazy and part productive today. I was in bed for 12 hours, not all sleeping, but a good bit of it. When I finally got up, I did some cleaning, laundry, dishes, and walked to the grocery store. Got some groceries, came back and flopped down on the couch to eat lunch and be lazy some more. Got bored of that, got up and cleaned a bit more. It feels like I've done a lot of cleaning. The house still looks like a fucking disaster.
I always hoped that my messiness would be something I'd eventually grow out of, like acne or Sesame Street. Incidentally, I have outgrown none of these things. I feel like a failure in this aspect of adulthood. It's not as melancholy as it sounds...I mean, I don't hate myself for it or anything. I just wish I were better at keeping my house and my things in order. Everyone else I know has a nice home. Even when they say things like "Oh man I'm sorry it's so messy," I'm like, please. I wish my space looked that good on a good day. Everyone else I know from childhood who had a messy room or even dorm has since grown out of it. My brothers were far messier than I've ever been, and they both have very tidy homes now. Will the clean gene ever kick in for me? Outlook is not good.
When we first moved here, we kept it relatively tidy for a while. But then my travel picked up again and we stopped having people over as often and I accumulated more stuff...and now there's just not a place for everything. Or maybe there would be if I would do a better job of staying on top of it. I just got rid of TONS of clothes, though I admit that my pace of buying clothes has not slowed any. It's not that I need more square footage; I just need more closet and dresser space. And maybe some more shelves in general. My problem is that every surface area gets covered with things. Papers, books, a jigsaw puzzle, clothes, purses -- my shit is everywhere. Right now five of my purses are sharing this couch with me, and that's after I put some away :/. Those can be put away easily enough, but there's just so much stuff. Maybe I am a bit of a hoarder. I never thought that I was, but I do have a bunch of random piles of papers in really inconvenient places, stacked high with things that I didn't think should be thrown away -- not that I'd know where to find them now anyway. Maybe I should just get rid of all that shit. It can't be too important.
Ugh. Cleaning sucks. I am reasonably satisfied with my progress so far, though, and I know I'll be happy with the end result...I just want to fast forward to the part where I'm done.
I'm also really tired and would like to take a nap, but I'm not sure that's a good idea...my 5K is at 8pm. I only signed up because a friend wanted me to do it with her, and then she hurt her foot and can't do it...but I still am...because I'm crazy, I guess. Whine.
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