(no subject)

[jianantonic]

I don't feel well today. I slept for 11 hours last night, but I had bad dreams all night and I woke up feeling sick to my stomach. On the way into work (after 30 minutes of lying awake in my bed weighing whether or not to call in sick), I got stuck behind an accident and didn't move for 30 minutes. So I'm not even getting OT, even though I did waste a good bit of gas and patience just sitting there. Actually, Tammi might change my time card...I dunno...should I ask?

And here's the other thing. I've been kind of irked with a lot of people lately. I was so excited (and remain so) to have weekends free for the first time since I turned 16 and started working at the mall. Seriously, this is the first time in over six years that I've been free when the majority of my friends are, too. So I try to plan things. I email people or post my agenda months in advance. I know it's unreasonable for me to expect people to want to do all the same things I do, and that's fine. That's all you have to say. "I'm not really interested in that, so I'll pass." I understand that I am unique in that I would give up my house before concert tickets - I won't be offended. What does offend me is when someone says "maybe," and then doesn't make any effort to make time for the event or plan around it in any way, and I'm left at the show (or whatever) wondering which of my friends are going to show up, if any. I am anal and I understand again that not everyone is like me in this - but I like to have things planned and set in stone well in advance. If you really are a "maybe," I'd at least appreciate a phone call once you know for sure that you're not coming. I mean, it takes a lot of planning for me to get together with people. There's usually not much going on over here, so I'm always driving long distances to hang out with old friends - I hate being stuck on my parents' couch waiting for a call when I've been planning something for ages already.

So. That said, I've been having a great time the last few weeks at concerts and running around Central Virginia with various cronies. I just wish I got to see more of you all, and I wish you were all as anal as I am about planning things. But seriously, be honest if you don't want to do something. I would MUCH rather go to a concert alone than be there with someone who's not enjoying it. I was talking to Jeremy about this after the Dar show. I'm not a talented musician, per se, but I AM a musician, in my own unique way. I just have this thing inside me that I know is unique. There are others that have it, but it's an elite group of more than just music connoussieurs (I didn't bother to spell check - is that right?), we are the ones who cry when we hear "Phantom Doll" because we picture Dave and Tracy jamming for what would be the last time. We're not fans. We're moved spirits. I can't really describe this in a way that doesn't sound incredibly cheesy. I guess the best way I can describe it, which doesn't even come close to really explaining how I feel about it, is that music IS my life. There's a lyric for every state of being I've known. Without music, I'd be miserable. I wouldn't be me at all. And if folks can't appreciate that about me, then I don't want them next to me at the show. I want you there because I want to share a meaningful experience - if it's not such for you, then it's worse for me, so don't pretend you want to go if you don't, you know? When I come to town for a show, there's still the whole rest of the weekend - we can do something else.

Okay, I'm done. I'm not trying to start a dialogue here, I just had to clarify that I was upset. It's not fair to be upset about something if you're not going to let people know why. And I'm not mad at anyone, so I'm not looking for apologies. Just some understanding and hopefully some better planning in the future. So, no comments. This is not a discussion.

Peace.