(no subject)
Nov. 6th, 2006 12:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jianantonicThis morning I awoke to find that Aunt Flo had dropped in for a visit last night. Strike that. I hate that terminology. A) It sounds ridiculous. B) It further perpetuates the assumption that this is something girls - pardon me, WOMEN - should be ashamed of or embarrassed about. Fuck that. I got my period last night. So, I checked the cabinet for the necessary supplies and found I was running low, so I went to Kroger this morning before work.
Kroger is neither on my way nor the cheapest grocer in town, but I chose Kroger for two reasons: their "feminine needs" aisle is in a nice, discrete back corner of the store, and they have the U-Scan checkout lane where you don't have to face a cashier with your embarrassing purchases like tampons, laxatives, and "fitted" condoms. (Sorry, dude, everyone knows that's just code for extra small.) Now, normally I'm very modest when it comes to being on the rag. It's not something I like to broadcast to the world. I don't like to think about what that male grocery bagger is thinking when he bags my four boxes of Easy Mac and my super "plug the Nile for a day if you must" thick tampons. I mean, I just don't want the world to know. Unless it makes for a good blog. I'm a professional writer. Material before dignity.
When I first got to Kroger, I loaded up on Easy Mac, because no one wants to be that girl walking around with only one thing in her shopping basket. While we're on it - another plus for Kroger is that they still use shopping baskets. The only thing more mortifying than dragging a shopping basket with nothing but tampons in it is pushing an otherwise empty cart around the store. And it seems all the grocery stores but Kroger have done away with the basket. Like the psychology is that you must fill your shopping vessel before you check out. Maybe they're onto something, because the only reason I bought that Easy Mac was so that I could strategically position it around the thing I really came for. I mean, I have feminine features like long hair, breasts, and childbearing hips, but heaven forbid anyone should ever be able to know for sure that I actually menstruate. The humiliation would kill me.
When I was satisfied that I'd selected enough decoy items, I headed for the trusty Kotex Korner. Imagine my surprise when, in place of the products I was used to seeing there, they'd put the greeting cards! Do they still make "Congratulations on Becoming a Woman!" cards? I hope not. Anyway, I was distraught. That little corner of the store is like the secluded porn room at your local video store. Sure, there's no way around the embarrassment of being seen entering or leaving the area, but once you're in there, you have plenty of time to browse for what you need without being seen by judgmental shoppers. The only other people in there with you are those who quite literally feel your pain, or husbands and dads who can only possibly be more embarrassed than yourself. So it's a comfortable space. But some genius at Kroger decided to move the "feminine needs" section to the front and center of the store, right next to all the checkout lines. Well, they cost themselves a hefty profit today, because instead of getting my usual array of necessary items, I went for the bare minimum requirements today to save myself the indignity of actually being seen by every shopper in the store as I tried to decide between scented and unscented, regular and super, brand name or store brand, etc. And to add insult to injury? No U-Scan lanes were open. And all the cashiers were dudes. Sigh.
Now, I'm almost 24 years old, and it's been nearly half my life since that fateful day when I became a woman, so to speak. I still didn't get my boobs until I was in college - I want my money back. Anyway, it's gotten easier for me, sure, but I wonder if there will ever come a day when I can purchase so-called feminine needs without feeling the sting of utter humiliation at the fact that they know.
Who came up with that name for the stuff, anyway? If stores really sold feminine needs, they'd have a large selection of strong, sensitive men (and women, for some), household servants, and Reese Witherspoon DVDs. Let's call a spade a spade. That aisle does not have feminine needs. It has vaginal plugs and underwear protection devices, which are all guaranteed to fail at the most inopportune moments, so they should all be packaged with extra underwear and travel-sized bottles of Febreeze.
With all the advances in medicine and technology in human history, where's the research team working on making my period less of a hassle? That Diva cup sounds great and all, but it doesn't get around the fact that I find my period just as gross as most men do and I do not want to reach up inside myself at a time like that. Or any time, for that matter, but that's just a personal hangup of mine. Everyone knows I'd be a lesbian if I weren't so terrified of vaginas.
Anyhow, I hope my Monday puts yours in perspective.
Peace.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-11-06 05:44 pm (UTC)I'm 10 years older and this honestly sounds like every experience I have buying them - except better written of course.
It was the only thing I liked about pregnancy besides the adorable children.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-06 07:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-06 10:55 pm (UTC)Today I was buying toothbrushes, condoms, and shampoo (note the strategic placement of the taboo item in the list) and decided "What the hell, I may as well pick up some pads too as long as I'm embarrassing myself at the checkout."
no subject
Date: 2006-11-06 10:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-07 02:24 pm (UTC)and then talk for pages about how you're so skittish about buying feminine products, decoy items, and not wanting to embarrass the bag boy. Come on. Fuck it. Buy the shit you need. You're a woman.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-07 02:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-07 11:05 pm (UTC)