(no subject)

[jianantonic]

Lately, I've felt on more than one occasion the sting of thinly veiled animosity directed at me from folks I consider my friends. I'm sorry if I've been a bad friend lately. It's been a rough year for me, and I've been depressed and withdrawn for most of it. It's not that I don't care, it's that I don't have the energy to be the friend I have been in the past. I really am sorry about that, but I can only apologize so far, because I'm doing what I have to do. I have been self-absorbed and I recognize that many conversations have been all about me. I don't like doing that to people, so I've stepped back a lot. It's not that I love you any less, it's that I am just not capable of being the high energy chick I was this time last year.

I mean, look. My husband and I are separated. My best friend just moved to fucking ANTARCTICA. I'm depressed and that's just how it is. I'm working on it, and I'm making great strides, but little jabs at me like I've felt recently equate to nothing more than kicking me while I'm down. So I'm sorry, once again, that I haven't been the Meg you once knew and loved. I think she'll be back, really, but if you don't want to wait patiently, please just move on instead of holding a grudge. I know the events of the past year have cost me some relationships, and I will mourn every one that I lose, but I'd rather lose a friend than hang onto an antagonist.

So, yeah, everyone, thanks for your understanding. Thanks to all those of you who have been supportive. And to those of you who haven't been, or didn't realize you'd been hurtful, I understand I've been a difficult friend lately. I'm just saying that now is not the time for playful ribbing or any other kind of poking. It just affects me exponentially more than it should right now.

So that's out of the way. Thanks for listening. Today is looking like a much better day than yesterday. Yesterday was just one thing after another, and I wore myself out with worry by early evening. I got about 12 hours of sleep last night, and I woke up ready to try to start fresh. I put on my new Webb for Senate t-shirt, took the time to blow dry my hair, I even put on socks. I got everything done at work that I'd intentionally shelved for later, I doubled my news bite output this morning, and I've made plans for watching the election returns tonight with a trusted ally.

I want it to be a good day, and I am hopeful.

Peace.

Comments

Re: Been there

[jianantonic.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I appreciate it.

But, um, do I know you?

Re: Been there

[flamingophoenix.livejournal.com]

From her friends page, it's via thegreenzebra. But beyond that I couldn't say!

Re: Been there

[jianantonic.livejournal.com]

Oh, ok. Just checking. Thanks:)

[zilpha.livejournal.com]

thats the thing with rough times, they're not like good times. in good times your thoughts are on friends and family and fun and doing stuff, but when it gets rough selfprservation kicks in and your turn in a little because you have some serious things to think aboutand work on and, for real, you need you. some people say depression is a selfish sickness. thoes people have obviously never been really depressed. it might end up looking like all you care about is you and yourself, but you're just trying to find your way out. depression is all about trying to find your way back to good, even when you think you're wollowing you're really just trying to figure out how to get out of it.

do what you can.

[jianantonic.livejournal.com]

Thanks. That's exactly it.

[flamingophoenix.livejournal.com]

Okay, I'm going to ignore everything you just said except...

Hahaha. You said "ribbing." ::snort::

[flamingophoenix.livejournal.com]

And on a different note, ::good thoughts:: !

The Antarctica really does it, though. Ouch.

[jianantonic.livejournal.com]

Aww, thanks:) Obviously you're not one of the ones I've felt hurt by...more than anyone else you've listened to me bitch and moan and I know that now's not the easiest time for you to be my crying shoulder, either. So if I'm aces, you're jokers (because they beat aces, right? And because you make me smile).

[jianantonic.livejournal.com]

Oh, shit, I didn't notice it until just now, but major kudos on the icon, too:)