(no subject)

[jianantonic]

I guess there's something in the air these days that's making people introspective...lots of you on my friends list have written very open and poignant stories of the hardships in your lives, past and present. Last night, a friend opened up to me and told me about all the crap she took from mean kids at school when she was a child. As I listened to her tell her story, I thought how can people be so mean?

I was reminded of a line from Florence King's autobiography where she says that her father (I think?) told her that all people have endured/are enduring hardships in their lives, so it is important to understand that and be sensitive toward others. Of course I've badly paraphrased it, but I like that line a lot...just not well enough to memorize it, I guess.

One of the things that hurt me the most in recent history was when I told a friend the story of what still remains the worst night of my life. No, I wasn't assaulted or permanently damaged by it, but it was still the most awful thing that has ever been done to me and it affected me deeply at the time. The lingering effect is just that I hate the people that were involved, and I will never get over it to the point of opening up to them again. If they ever ask for forgiveness, I think I'll be able to grant it, but they haven't asked and that just further perpetuates my belief that they are awful human beings. Anyway, my friend's reaction to my story was this: I was raped and I don't go around crying all the time about it. I got over it and moved on. You haven't gone through half of what I did so you need to stop being so immature.

Ouch.

No, I haven't been raped. I'm sure that must have been awful for her. But was the rape the only thing in her life that ever upset her? That she ever gave herself permission to cry about? Does a person's suffering have to be somehow justified or measured against your own personal pain before you'll give sympathy? Why?

I'm not really telling the whole story of what was on my mind last night, because it's not my story to tell, but the bottom line is that I was struck with how completely insensitive so many people are, and I don't even understand how it's possible to be like that. I'm not saying I'm the kindest, most generous, most understanding person, or the best listener, or even a good friend all of the time, but I am human, and I can sympathize with other humans. What does anyone get out of being mean? I just don't get it. Sometimes the world just makes me sad.

To those of you who have related your hardships, and to those of you who are dealing with them in secret, I want you to know that I am thinking of you, and I wish I had the right words to express how much I care about each and every one of you. I hope you know that you are each an inspiration to me.

Peace.

Comments

[zilpha.livejournal.com]

that pisses me off, the friend and what she said to you. roar.

harships are hard for whoever is having them wether its rape or a papercut it still hurts and people who judge other peoples pain should be smacked.

I'm an insomniac, among many other things, but when someone says they're tired it doesnt matter that I hadn't slept at all... it matter that they didnt sleep enough. just because I dont sleep doesnt mean you cant be tired.

just because I've been violated and hurt doesnt mean you cant possibly be as hurt as me. its all perspective and personal and as different from person to person as we are differnt from person to person.

I still kiss scratched knees and sooth hurt feelings because I think my pain makes me MORE sympathetic to other peoples pain.

I like to be a pain taker awayer.

*hugs*

[oobermeister.livejournal.com]

being mean is a sort of power trip. people get satisfaction out of the fact that they have exercised control over someone else's ego.

wow. that was deep.

[flamingophoenix.livejournal.com]

Augh.

Sympathy is highly underrated.