jianantonic | The weirdest dream I have ever had. No, really.

I need to preface this by saying I swear that I am not on crack. Honestly.

So, the dream...I had just moved into my new place, which was a condo at Massanutten. It was pretty much the condo I do own, just relocated to a new neighborhood...essentially, my old one, only it was a whole new condo development on the mountain. Anyway, my brother Adrian came to visit me with his new fiance, Angelina Jolie.

She was nice to me, but also a total badass. We were just out taking a walk and getting to know each other, and a Japanese guy (I don't know why Japanese) burst out of the shadows and pointed a gun at her and shouted "I bet you don't have a bigger gun than this!" Angelina then pulled a fucking cannon out. Out of nowhere! A cannon! So the would-be assailant ran away.

So now we're back to my condo, sitting outside on the patio (it was a ground floor in the dream). Ms. Jolie excuses herself while my brother and I keep talking. It's getting dark, and all of a sudden I see a firework go off in the sky. Adrian and I step out into the yard to look, and all of a sudden we hear a HUGE explosion. Fireworks start going off two, three, four, five at a time, and then like a MILLION all at once. The embers basically coat the sky and start to fall down into the neighborhood, burning everyone who's outside. A bunch of them hit me, and for some reason I'm afraid my place will be blown up, so I don't go back inside. Instead I run and crouch under a neighbor's porch until the fireworks stop.

I go back to my place and reunite with my brother, just as Angelina Jolie pulls into the driveway with the cannon strapped to the top of her SUV. She's got this big grin on her face, like, "Look what I did!" Then we hear the cops. Cop cars are racing all over the mountain looking for the person who set off the fireworks. Angelina just says nonchalantly "I took all of the fireworks and put them in the cannon. Fuck these assholes." Apparently, she hated the people at Massanutten as much as I did, and just wanted to scare them, but suddenly it was like the crime of the century.

We went to bed and got up the next morning to go out to breakfast, but Angelina still had the cannon strapped to the top of her car, which I think was a Ford Explorer. The cops were still out patrolling, and I was so freaked that they'd catch her, what with the GIANT GUN on top of her car. But, bright as those cops are, they did not so much as pull her over for questioning. They were completely oblivious to the huge fucking weapon my future sister-in-law was proudly displaying in broad daylight.

We had a lovely breakfast, I gave my brother my blessing to marry her, and then she dropped me off at the mall so I could buy a prom dress. And some washcloths.

I am not making this up.

That's about where the dream ends.

Peace.