Don't read this unless you hate me, really

[jianantonic]

Sometimes I think: Today must be the worst day of my life. Then I remember two things. 1. I'm bipolar, I need to take care of that. 2. No, March 20th, 2003 was definitely the worst day of my life. It continued into that weekend. March 20th was a Thursday, but it lasted until the next month. I'll never forget that. I'm not going to write about it here though. It is hard to look at myself and say, you don't actually feel awful, your brain just wants you to because you're messed up. I mean, essentially, that's what is going on, but when I'm in these moods, and something tips me off and gives me a reason to embrace it, it's not like there's a better reason not to. I don't care if that makes sense to anyone else. I get it. It's like, I cry all the time. But I'm not a crybaby. There are just lots of things going on that bother me. But my life really isn't that bad. I have plenty of money, friends, intelligence...so am I a crybaby? No...I have legitimate reasons...but is my life really that hard? Maybe sometimes. It's hard even for me to think...I mean I've always been warm and surrounded by people who love me...except on March 20...but that's just one time...I mean I have everything I need and could possibly want. I'm not upset by not getting what I want. And yet I don't want to blame my emotional outbursts on chemicals that make no sense? In the words of Julie Murphy-Wells, I don't think I know me as well as I thought I did.