Priorities

[jianantonic]

I've been thinking a lot about what's changed over the last year of my life (a long, long list), but primarily with regards to my health. My trainer and I looked at the pictures we took of me just 11 weeks ago last night, and I couldn't believe that I ever looked like that, even though that was already after having lost about 20 pounds. I've since lost another 17, and I feel really, really great. This has been a super stressful week for me, but unlike a year ago, this stress is not consuming me. I am still living my life. And I'm breaking down the stress and as soon as I finish one last task at work (approximately a 2 hour task for which I have reserved my entire afternoon, so no scolding me for blogging now, thankyouverymuch), I'll be pretty much home free for the time being. This is good.

So why is it that after wanting to change things for the last four years, it's only really been in the last 12 months, or even the last three months, that I've made big strides? I mean, changing my body has always been the thing I've really wanted most, so in that regard you could say it's been my top priority all along, but I really haven't treated it as such until recently. I hated that I kept gaining weight, but I still stuffed my face, sat around the house, exercised here and there, and wondered why nothing helped. It's time to face reality: my body doesn't work the way it did in high school, where I ate easily 5000 calories a day, worked out very little, and stayed stick thin. So what is really my priority - a nice greasy slice of pizza that tastes undoubtedly delicious, or being honest with myself and making the sacrifices necessary to get what I really want?

I'm a little nervous that my diet is ending. I've been cutting myself a lot more slack lately - eating some chocolate, allowing myself a few more snack-type foods and a few less fruits and veggies - but I'm still not gaining weight. I'm losing it slower, but it's still coming off. The nice thing is that I've made big enough changes that one piece of candy is not going to snowball into a 3500-calorie binge. I need to remind myself that it's okay to have treats - just keep everything to a reasonable level, which I think I can manage. One big feast or party is not going to put all 47 pounds back on me. I may need to work a little harder in the gym the next week, but a piece of birthday cake will not make a noticeable difference. Seven pieces of birthday cake may cause problems.

So now that the contest is over, what's my motivation? I've pretty much reached my original goals...how to keep it up? I got to thinking...you wouldn't miss a doctor's appointment that you'd scheduled, or a haircut or class or day of work. So treat the gym like a mandatory part of the schedule until it's automatic (which it mostly is for me at this point). It won't cost money to skip the gym, or a grade, but it will cost quality of life. I know this isn't the priority structure most people have, but looking at it this way is what I think will keep me committed to my health and fitness. So there it is. The truth about the last four years is that I really just wasn't as committed to myself as I believed I was. And now I am, and it's a fantastic feeling. It's like when you fall in love for the first time - you just know. I used to tell myself I was working on me, but I always knew that wasn't really true. Now I do know that I'm doing what's necessary, and it's paying off.

Now...if only I could find the same level of dedication for the project I have to do this afternoon. :)

Peace.

Comments

[oobermeister.livejournal.com]

"I'm a little nervous that my diet is ending"

then don't end your diet.

[jianantonic.livejournal.com]

I know, seems simple, right? But I've waited 12 weeks and I'm going to allow myself some damn cake now.

[oobermeister.livejournal.com]

but of course. but other than that, keep up the good eating habits that you established. ideally, you should stay on a 'permenant' diet that you can maintain without sacrificing life's little pleasures, which means allowing yourself the occasional indulgence. in otherwords, do not go back to eating how you used to (at least i hope thats not what you were thinking).

other than that, you should eat lots of fiber. LOTS of fiber.

[oobermeister.livejournal.com]

and squat to evacuate. so says nature's platform.

[jianantonic.livejournal.com]

Right. Definitely.