jianantonic | Don't grow up, kids.

You know why you shouldn't grow up? It all starts with puberty. That sucks, and just when you think you're out of the woods with that, you realize you've got 40 years of monthly menstruation to look forward to (if you're a dude, 40 years of girls bitching about menstruation), and you have to pay for your own stuff and be responsible and get mortgages and other things that make you want to curl up in a ball and cry.

I realized something yesterday. I was sitting at my desk, silently suffering through the worst cramps I have ever experienced in my whole life, oh my god, they were horrible. And I was thinking about the kind of pain it was, as if someone were simultaneously squeezing my ovaries just short of the point of popping them and also trying to tug them out of my body. And I thought, if someone were doing this to me, I would have cracked long ago. I'd be screaming at them, crying, flailing, begging for mercy, and hating them with every ounce of my being. And it's the kind of thing I would never get over, never forgive for putting me in a pain so intense. But no one was doing it to me...my body was just going through it on its own. Whereas if I were being attacked, I would fight back, and react otherwise violently and/or desperately, since my body was doing this on its own, I just took it. No tears, no begging, no curling up and praying for a quick death. I mean, I was bloody effing miserable...but I took it. I don't know if I'm really communicating my point here or not, but I find the whole thing weird. Anyway.

Other pains of adulthood...
I've been playing around with a mortgage calculator, and even though I'm currently kicking my mortgage's ass, even if I pay my mortgage off 20 years early, I'll still end up paying truckloads on just plain interest...and I have a decent rate! Oh well. I'll count my blessings that it's even a possibility that I could pay it off so early. And actually it won't feel so harsh after a few more months. Interest payments are always the harshest at the beginning of a loan period, so even though I've been paying way more than I have to on this mortgage, the principal hasn't been coming down as quickly as I'd like it to...but I'm gaining momentum and it'll start to look better soon. I have to keep telling myself that.

Okay. Work beckons.

Peace.