I feel like Yoko Ono

[jianantonic]

 McKenzie's team won yesterday, which means I will be leaving tonight for Falcon Ridge without him.

I don't love him any less, but I hate him a lot more.  I've been dreading this exact thing for seven months, ever since he agreed to play in this stupid thing, and now that he's winning (even though he argued that the chances of winning long enough to miss FRFF were worse than hitting a jackpot without even playing), I am pissed and can't be happy for them.

I can't wait to see everyone at the fest, but the day that I leave for Falcon Ridge every year is usually one of the happiest days of my year.  So far today is just full of stress and sadness.  I know I'll have a good time whether Z is with me or not, because it's FALCON RIDGE, but I can't help but feel really, really hurt that he's not coming.

A slim sliver of hope remains:  if they're getting their asses kicked badly enough to withdraw at the HALF (almost unheard of in this event), he might still be able to make the flight.  Considering that Z said he played horribly yesterday and they won by 50, this seems an unlikely scenario.  And I'm so upset that I'm not even sure that would make anything better anyway.

On the plus side, it's been a really good tournament for me.  My client was happy with our success; he got all his gold points thanks to me, and I played really well on my mini-Spingold team, even though we didn't win yesterday.  We did make up 40 imps in 14 boards, and I'd like to think I had a lot to do with that.

And Tam and I placed high in the AM Swiss on Mon-Tues for 16.5 points.  I'm over 25 for the sessions I've played, I'm at about even with the casino, and I'm skipping town tonight. 

I'm really looking forward to Falcon Ridge, but it's a mixed bag of emotions right now, and for now the awful ones are overpowering.  I know when I drive up to the farm and see all the tents and hippies and hear all the guitars, I'll feel at home again and be happy.

Peace.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

He's on a five-person team, but if he bails the client will have to play full-time instead of half-time, and that's just totally unacceptable?

Sometimes it takes a while for a couple to each understand the other's priorities and what's _really_ important. Hope you two are on that journey (which never ends if neither quits).

[jianantonic.livejournal.com]

As the captain of the team, and as someone who made a professional commitment, it is not OK for McKenzie to bail out of this.

No one else on the team has a partnership with this client. The client plays a very complicated and unusual system, and sitting him with any of the other pros is a recipe for disaster, which would be entirely McKenzie's fault.

He made a commitment to them (at the expense of a commitment he made to me), and it's not right for him to back out of it. It's not right for him to back out on me, either, but he's got to pick one. I'm mad that he's let me down, but I won't be the reason he lets his team down.

Also

[jianantonic.livejournal.com]

Anonymous comments annoy the hell out of me. Sign them if you're going to post without a username.

[flamingophoenix.livejournal.com]

Wow, it's too bad that your negative feelings are directed at him and not at the situation. :-( It's not like he deliberately won the game in order to piss you off or anything. I hope you feel better!

(And...maybe talk to someone (a doctor?) about codependence. This is not a flip comment, and I'm sorry if it offends you, but this is a recurring pattern in your life, and if something like that is affecting your quality of life so heavily you should try to fix it.) (And if you've tried to fix it and failed, then I pre-emptively tell myself to fuck off.)

::hug::

[jianantonic.livejournal.com]

Codependence or not, I have a right to be upset when anyone makes a commitment to me and then double books. And that's how I feel about this situation. Falcon Ridge is the only thing on my entire calendar that is non-negotiable. And he knows how important it is to me. I think my wrath is entirely appropriately directed in this situation.