(no subject)

[jianantonic]

I don't want to sound all holier than thou or snobby or anything, but maybe I feel that way a little. This morning, in the wee hours, I stumbled across the blogs of some old friends - people I haven't talked to in a looonnnnnnnnng time. They are my age, but the things they get all worked up about just seem so in the past. Now I know how hard it is to get over someone you love - it took me years to fully recover from Rafal, and everyone knows that that was not a match made it heaven. That said, I truly believe that no one I know and almost no one at all has met the love of their life in HIGH SCHOOL. And if you don't get over your high school life by your junior or senior year in college, you're not going to have a college experience at all! Now, I did not have the greatest college experience ever. My best friend's girlfriend got between us my second year, found a whole new batch of friends who turned out to be drunken republican assholes, and then moved off campus and started the next chapter of my life. So I don't have a whole lot of friends from college, but I do have experiences - intellectual ones - that I wouldn't have had if I was still reaching into my past. That said, all four of my bridesmaids are people I've known from early childhood. I am still close with more than half of my high school friends - but we are not the same people we were in high school. We were lucky enough to grow together through separate but similar college or work experiences. At the age of 21, I'd have to say that my closest friends are those that I'm still in touch with from high school, a few couples my age who are mostly married, and people in their 30s, 40s, and 60s. I admit I'm not your average college senior/graduate/21 year old. None of my friends are average, though! I bet only one or two of my fifteen closest friends could name my first kiss, first boyfriend, or any boyfriend other than Rafal or Jeremy, unless they happen to be one of them. These things are so much a part of the past that they're not even necessarily associated with me anymore because I am SO DIFFERENT. Would the Meg Massie you know now have ever dated Stephen Peeks? If you say yes you are hereby removed from any list of people who actually know me. No offense, Peeks, Peeks' friends...
I mean, for crying out loud, I thought I was a republican until I was 17! You know what changed my mind? My first government class. Educated people know better.
That's a tangent.
My point is, I was reading all these blogs from people I used to hang out with, and they're still freaking out over shit I thought was done six years ago! The people they are miserable for are 3000 miles away ...if any of my exes still fret over me, damn, they must be devastated to know that I haven't really given them much thought since I started seeing Jeremy, got a job, a house, a life of my own. I mean, I still know WHO I dated, but unless I'm still friends with them, in which case I haven't thought of them as an ex in a long time, I don't know who they are anymore. I imagine Rafal, the person I once knew better than my own parents and best friends, is a completely different person (I probably fucked him up quite well). I don't even know why I ever told Stephen I loved him - I didn't know the kid - his mother wouldn't let me near him. Sigh. Ok, I still worry that I hurt Doug and was mean to him, so I guess I still think about that from time to time, but he was one of the least serious of all the relationships I've had. But I don't lose sleep over any of this. I guess I understand why I lost touch with these people. They stayed in high school while I went off and got a husband.