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Jan. 9th, 2011 09:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jianantonicMy first day of live bridge with Audrey was lots of fun. We were just a little above average in both sessions, but I think we both played better than that. Matchpoints is a weird game like that. Some ridiculous things happened against us, but I feel like neither one of us ever made a bid that made the other go wtf?, so that's good. And we really clicked on defense, too. I like playing with her a lot.
After the game, I hung out with our group for a little while and then crashed early and slept hard. We're staying at our teammate's house in Southern Pines, and it's gorgeous. I'm planning to get on the road after the game tonight, but they're calling for a ridiculous amount of snow here, so I might stay another night.
I have therapy and a psychiatrist appointment on Wednesday, back to back. The psychiatrist appointment is to talk about my meds and get an actual diagnosis. Therapy is seriously like my favorite thing right now. It's hard, but I always leave feeling like I've made some great discoveries and I feel more and more empowered and optimistic every time I go.
I haven't talked to Z in a few days, though, so that does dampen my optimism a bit. We had been having really nice chats lately, but then something came up that was a trigger, and he got upset and ended the conversation. A few weeks ago, my reaction would have been panic and urgent damage control. I'd have sent desperate emails and cried a lot and begged him to feel differently. I consider it a really great stride that I'm able to step back and leave him alone. I hope he's not still upset, but just using this time to focus on his job (he's directing this week) and trying not to risk another tense day of work by chatting with me. A part of me worries that he's dwelling on the upsetting thing, and using that to talk himself away from me, but for the most part, I feel like this will pass, the triggers will eventually fade as things get better between us, and we love each other enough to work through this one. I talked to my therapist about it some, to discuss ways to avoid hitting triggers in the future, and she gave me some good insights. Each day that I don't hear from him feels a little bit ickier, but I'm also proud of myself for not panicking about it. I know I upset him and he needed space. I know he's working hard and focusing on that as much as possible. He's so dedicated to his job and so good at it, and I hope he's having fun at it this week.
I've run into some of our mutual friends here in Pinehurst, and everyone knows about the separation. I guess it's easier than having people ask me "where's McKenzie?" as if they expect him to be with me, but it's been hard to talk to these folks. They're kind and mean well, but of course when they say "I'm sorry to hear..." I tear up and it takes me a little while to regain composure.
One thing I'm really pleased with, though, is that I'm having a TON of fun here, even though some really stupid things have happened at the table. Usually when I play bridge, I leave about half the tables I play at thinking that my opponents were giant assholes. I haven't felt that way here, even though we've certainly been screwed a few times. I'm able to laugh off our disastrous results, and not hate my opponents for doing stupid shit that happens to work out for them. I've been chatty with everyone here and it hasn't felt like a chore. I like talking to people. I get mad at myself for my own stupid mistakes, but I don't dwell on them. Learn and move on. It's not like I need masterpoints, so I don't really give a shit if we win. I am just here to play the game that I love with people I enjoy. And so far that mission has been a 100% success. Winning would be awesome, too. But it won't define me or control my attitude.
My favorite story from yesterday (which would have pissed me off beyond belief in the past, but now just leaves me laughing and shaking my head) is this:
We're playing the last of three boards against a pair of older ladies. They have this auction, uncontested: 1H - 1S - 1N - 2S - 4S. There was a looooong hesitation before the 2S bid, so after the auction, Audrey asks them if they will agree that there's been a break in tempo. They play shocked and say no. She calls the director and both women deny any pause. North then says "my partner is ALWAYS hesitant to bid; that's just how she plays." So North has denied that she noticed any pause but then admits that there's always pausing. Cute. We proceed and set them 2 tricks for all the matchpoints. No need to call the director for an adjustment here! Then South says after the hand, "You know I was hesitating so much because I couldn't decide if I should rebid spades or leave you in 1N." Nice. Really nice.
In the past, this kind of thing would have ignited my ire, and I would be super steamed about these biddies lying to the director so brazenly. But now I feel like, oh well, stupid bitches got what was coming to 'em. Granted if 4S had made, the director would have been back at the table for an adjustment, but I never got bent out of shape by this. I just thought it was funny how these women both busted themselves in their own lies. Alright, you can think I'm stupid if you want to, but I've got all your matchpoints. Later!
Also, we had a rare director call at another table -- the rare dummy revoke. None of us had noticed that dummy hit with only 12 cards, and after declarer ruffed a couple of hearts (dummy's "void"), a heart showed up hiding under another card. Whoopsies! I don't think the director made the correct ruling, but it didn't matter -- they were playing in their Bergen raise when I had six trump and Audrey had 3. The number of penalty tricks wasn't going to affect the matchpoints on this one.
Today we team up with Lance and Morgie (our hostess) in the Swiss. It should be a lot of fun :)
After the game, I hung out with our group for a little while and then crashed early and slept hard. We're staying at our teammate's house in Southern Pines, and it's gorgeous. I'm planning to get on the road after the game tonight, but they're calling for a ridiculous amount of snow here, so I might stay another night.
I have therapy and a psychiatrist appointment on Wednesday, back to back. The psychiatrist appointment is to talk about my meds and get an actual diagnosis. Therapy is seriously like my favorite thing right now. It's hard, but I always leave feeling like I've made some great discoveries and I feel more and more empowered and optimistic every time I go.
I haven't talked to Z in a few days, though, so that does dampen my optimism a bit. We had been having really nice chats lately, but then something came up that was a trigger, and he got upset and ended the conversation. A few weeks ago, my reaction would have been panic and urgent damage control. I'd have sent desperate emails and cried a lot and begged him to feel differently. I consider it a really great stride that I'm able to step back and leave him alone. I hope he's not still upset, but just using this time to focus on his job (he's directing this week) and trying not to risk another tense day of work by chatting with me. A part of me worries that he's dwelling on the upsetting thing, and using that to talk himself away from me, but for the most part, I feel like this will pass, the triggers will eventually fade as things get better between us, and we love each other enough to work through this one. I talked to my therapist about it some, to discuss ways to avoid hitting triggers in the future, and she gave me some good insights. Each day that I don't hear from him feels a little bit ickier, but I'm also proud of myself for not panicking about it. I know I upset him and he needed space. I know he's working hard and focusing on that as much as possible. He's so dedicated to his job and so good at it, and I hope he's having fun at it this week.
I've run into some of our mutual friends here in Pinehurst, and everyone knows about the separation. I guess it's easier than having people ask me "where's McKenzie?" as if they expect him to be with me, but it's been hard to talk to these folks. They're kind and mean well, but of course when they say "I'm sorry to hear..." I tear up and it takes me a little while to regain composure.
One thing I'm really pleased with, though, is that I'm having a TON of fun here, even though some really stupid things have happened at the table. Usually when I play bridge, I leave about half the tables I play at thinking that my opponents were giant assholes. I haven't felt that way here, even though we've certainly been screwed a few times. I'm able to laugh off our disastrous results, and not hate my opponents for doing stupid shit that happens to work out for them. I've been chatty with everyone here and it hasn't felt like a chore. I like talking to people. I get mad at myself for my own stupid mistakes, but I don't dwell on them. Learn and move on. It's not like I need masterpoints, so I don't really give a shit if we win. I am just here to play the game that I love with people I enjoy. And so far that mission has been a 100% success. Winning would be awesome, too. But it won't define me or control my attitude.
My favorite story from yesterday (which would have pissed me off beyond belief in the past, but now just leaves me laughing and shaking my head) is this:
We're playing the last of three boards against a pair of older ladies. They have this auction, uncontested: 1H - 1S - 1N - 2S - 4S. There was a looooong hesitation before the 2S bid, so after the auction, Audrey asks them if they will agree that there's been a break in tempo. They play shocked and say no. She calls the director and both women deny any pause. North then says "my partner is ALWAYS hesitant to bid; that's just how she plays." So North has denied that she noticed any pause but then admits that there's always pausing. Cute. We proceed and set them 2 tricks for all the matchpoints. No need to call the director for an adjustment here! Then South says after the hand, "You know I was hesitating so much because I couldn't decide if I should rebid spades or leave you in 1N." Nice. Really nice.
In the past, this kind of thing would have ignited my ire, and I would be super steamed about these biddies lying to the director so brazenly. But now I feel like, oh well, stupid bitches got what was coming to 'em. Granted if 4S had made, the director would have been back at the table for an adjustment, but I never got bent out of shape by this. I just thought it was funny how these women both busted themselves in their own lies. Alright, you can think I'm stupid if you want to, but I've got all your matchpoints. Later!
Also, we had a rare director call at another table -- the rare dummy revoke. None of us had noticed that dummy hit with only 12 cards, and after declarer ruffed a couple of hearts (dummy's "void"), a heart showed up hiding under another card. Whoopsies! I don't think the director made the correct ruling, but it didn't matter -- they were playing in their Bergen raise when I had six trump and Audrey had 3. The number of penalty tricks wasn't going to affect the matchpoints on this one.
Today we team up with Lance and Morgie (our hostess) in the Swiss. It should be a lot of fun :)
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tempo
Date: 2011-01-10 10:19 pm (UTC)Re: tempo
Date: 2011-01-10 10:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-14 05:37 pm (UTC)