Marching to the beat of a different mandolin

I always knew that Em & Chris's residency in Vancouver was temporary. They had just applied for permanent residency as a just-in-case measure, but I knew they had plans B and C and D and were going to keep looking for other opportunities. I'd hoped the best ones they'd find would still be in the PNW (or SW, from Canada's perspective), but alas, I knew that was also unlikely.

It's not official yet, but Em said today they've decided to accept a job offer for Chris in North Carolina. (They haven't told their families yet, so if anyone here happens to be connected, shh.) I am super bummed they're leaving the driving distance zone, but I understand. Truthfully, we didn't visit each other in each other's homes very often anyway. We see each other back in Virginia almost as often as we do out here. Still, though, the possibility of planning these visits is just so much simpler with them here. Oh well. Planes are a thing. I like flying. It's doable. I'll still see them lots. And the opportunity sounds really good for them. I mourn for my nephew to grow up in the south, but he's got good hippie parents, and Canadian citizenship, so he should be alright.

I made Emily promise me that she will use some of the extra flexibility this opportunity affords her to take a trip with me in 2018 to Yellowstone National Park. She's a geologist and she's never been! I think it'll be a great trip for us to do together. I'll show her a part of the country she's never seen, and she'll teach me all the cool science-y stuff that I won't learn from just walking around the park on my own. Details tbd, but this is happening.

Speaking of not official yet...

Toby knows I'd really like a proposal. I mentioned to him when we first moved in together that I had never really had a proposal, and it's something I want, when he's ready, and I didn't want to talk too much about marriage until then. I want it to be a surprise, and I don't want to just be de facto engaged. But here's the thing -- being a responsible adult means planning for the future, and we've done a lot of talking about 'when we're married' and how we'll budget things and it turns out we've gotten ourselves de facto engaged. We've agreed we should get married before the end of 2017 so I can get on his sweet, sweet health insurance before the ACA goes away (although maybe it won't?! but still, his work insurance is way better and way cheaper than the silver plan I pay $375/mo for!). We've even done a little wedding planning.

But there hasn't been a proposal yet. He knows I still want one, even if it's already a foregone conclusion. He has all the information he needs regarding what I want in a ring (nothing outrageous or very expensive), and he recently verified my ring size. So.

Some have theorized I should expect a proposal on this trip. Maybe while we're in Scotland? It does make sense, but here's why I'm not sure that would happen:
1. Toby's kinda slow to get shit done that's not for work, so even if he fully intended this, I'd honestly be surprised if he'd gotten the ring already.
2. We'll be in Scotland for his brother's wedding. Not sure if he'd feel uncomfortable about thunder-stealing or whatever.
3. However he does it, I really don't expect a big thing. He's too introverted to make a production of it, so I almost expect him to just ask me at home once he's got the ring or something. That way he also doesn't have to worry about hiding it in the luggage without me accidentally noticing before I'm supposed to or something.
4. I need to temper my own expectations, because if I go into this trip convinced it's gonna happen and it doesn't, I might be bummed or impatient or something. I'll be thrilled if he does propose soon, but honestly I really don't expect it. I think he will surprise me with the timing if not with the question itself ;)

So, y'know, maybe. But I won't hold my breath. And I do recognize how silly it is for me to want this ritual when we are already basically planning the wedding/marriage.

About those plans...we do want a small, informal ceremony, but that's not gonna happen this year. Maybe we'll do a thing on our birthday next year? (We have the same birthday.) But we do need to do the official business of it before the end of 2017, so we'll see what happens. Also I need to decide what to do about my last name. I'm more than ready to ditch Myers -- but it's on all my professional stuff. My website and my business cards and logo and all that are under Myers. I could keep using it just for work I guess. Or I'll get a new site and redirect it? Whatever, this is not a big deal. Just something else we've both been talking about a lot already for people who aren't actually "engaged." Pffft.

George's memorial was today. The venue was packed so fully that it was nearly impossible to move. He had a lot of real friends. Nancy called me out right at the beginning for crying too much. Can't help it, it's what I do. I spoke and told a couple of fun stories from my childhood -- didn't entirely go with what I'd written before, because Em and Nancy were serious about it having an upbeat tone. I told about him teaching Emily and me to use softball gloves, and then going to his games and playing "throw" with each other, because we weren't good enough to play catch. I talked about having spaghetti dinners at their house, where he encouraged us to play with our food. And I mentioned that I felt like Em and I each have two sets of parents, and my biological parents can't really claim responsibility for me being such a hippie now...

George's youngest brother, Carl, lives in Maine, and I never really saw him when I was young. He came up to me after I spoke and said he had no idea what a community dad George had been, and it was so nice to hear about his brother from that perspective.

I held Trevor and introduced him around to many friends as well. He's such a sweet baby. He's a great cuddler, and it helped me push the tears back to focus on him, too. I'm so grateful that Emily got to bring him here to spend two months with her parents. Her final memories of her dad are of him enchanted by his new grandson.

Of course his death is sad, and he was too young. But I'm so glad his Alzheimer's didn't get a chance to take his personality away from him. His short term memory was gone, but he was still friendly, funny, brilliant George.