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Oct. 24th, 2016 02:24 pmToby and I have our last screen printing class tomorrow night. There's going to be a little pot luck thing, so we decided to make hummus and bring veggies and chips. I'm going shopping today for the ingredients, so I texted Toby to ask him what to get. His reply was "[list of ingredients]. I got a [more money than I'll make for all of 2016] raise today :)" Nice little afterthought. Heh.
We have not combined finances, as I very much do not want to allow myself to live off of him, even though he'd be willing and I totally could. I really want to feel like I'm carrying my weight before we do too much life weaving, though we both agree that is the ultimate goal. So his giant raise doesn't directly mean much to me just now, but it's still pretty good news. I've encouraged him to stash away a good chunk of what he can toward buying more property. He owns a rental now, and we both want to own more, so...yeah. I think that's the plan. And one day it will be our combined empire, I guess? That's the hope!
I got some sort of discouraging news last night, though. A friend has been considering buying a new property in Portland for a while, and we've discussed it a bunch and it's always been one of those things where he promised to keep me in the loop when his thoughts get more serious. Without making this too much about other people's personal lives, here's the skeleton of the situation: two of my friends, both polyamorous, are in relationships with other people who do not want kids. Both of these friends do want kids, and have talked about co-parenting arrangements, involving living in side-by-side duplexes, things like that. The idea was that if this were to come to be, I'd find them a property and everyone would live happily ever after. BUT one of those friends (with whom I've never been terribly close; I know the other one much better) is dating Dan (my ex). And apparently Dan is likely to be living in that house now. So they don't think they can hire me as a Realtor. Ugh.
Our breakup was not pretty -- our relationship existed in a very bad time in my life, and as I started to come out of that period of darkness, I realized the relationship was not what I wanted. I ended it as kindly as I could, but the end dragged out way too long -- we were living together (a decision a sane and healthy Meg would never have made, sigh), and the time between the breakup and when Dan moved out got really tense. Still, I feel like I was very kind in how I let him stay until he found something else, and then keep his things here even longer...I'm sure his side of the story is a little different, but my point is I didn't TRY to make it awful between us. I just wanted to end the relationship, and he pretty much decided not to be in my life anymore after that, which has been fine. We haven't run into each other at all. But it was a surprise to me that he would be a roadblock to someone else buying a house from me...someone whom I still consider a friend. I was surprised to hear my friend last night tell me that Dan has very uncharitable thoughts toward me. That's just shitty. I think back on all the awful things he said about his ex-wife, too. Things I took at his word at the time...but here's the thing: she ended their marriage; not him. I ended our relationship; not him. If the partners in his life have been so awful, why wasn't it he who ended things? I know it's never black and white and of course people stay in bad relationships all the time...but when there's a pattern of "she dumped me, isn't she wretched?" maybe it's time for some introspection? I haven't wished him ill in the time we've been apart. Sometimes I've been curious how he's doing, but he made it clear he wants no interaction with me, and I'm content with that anyway. But today I can't help but be angry with him. I can understand him not wanting to hire me as HIS Realtor, but I wouldn't be in this case, and honestly that's kind of secondary to wtf is he saying to my friends about me now, more than a year out from our breakup, that is so uncharitable? Hrrrnnng.
Anyway, in the grand scheme of things, it's not a big deal, and I'll get over it soon. Hopefully my friends will still work with me if they do buy a house together. If not, I'll be disappointed but understanding, and hopefully they will at least let me refer them to someone else. Right now I'm going to go cardio out some frustrations, and daydream about the life that exists for me when I am a big shot Realtor partnered with a big shot programmer, and the disappointments of my past romantic follies no longer cut so deeply.
We have not combined finances, as I very much do not want to allow myself to live off of him, even though he'd be willing and I totally could. I really want to feel like I'm carrying my weight before we do too much life weaving, though we both agree that is the ultimate goal. So his giant raise doesn't directly mean much to me just now, but it's still pretty good news. I've encouraged him to stash away a good chunk of what he can toward buying more property. He owns a rental now, and we both want to own more, so...yeah. I think that's the plan. And one day it will be our combined empire, I guess? That's the hope!
I got some sort of discouraging news last night, though. A friend has been considering buying a new property in Portland for a while, and we've discussed it a bunch and it's always been one of those things where he promised to keep me in the loop when his thoughts get more serious. Without making this too much about other people's personal lives, here's the skeleton of the situation: two of my friends, both polyamorous, are in relationships with other people who do not want kids. Both of these friends do want kids, and have talked about co-parenting arrangements, involving living in side-by-side duplexes, things like that. The idea was that if this were to come to be, I'd find them a property and everyone would live happily ever after. BUT one of those friends (with whom I've never been terribly close; I know the other one much better) is dating Dan (my ex). And apparently Dan is likely to be living in that house now. So they don't think they can hire me as a Realtor. Ugh.
Our breakup was not pretty -- our relationship existed in a very bad time in my life, and as I started to come out of that period of darkness, I realized the relationship was not what I wanted. I ended it as kindly as I could, but the end dragged out way too long -- we were living together (a decision a sane and healthy Meg would never have made, sigh), and the time between the breakup and when Dan moved out got really tense. Still, I feel like I was very kind in how I let him stay until he found something else, and then keep his things here even longer...I'm sure his side of the story is a little different, but my point is I didn't TRY to make it awful between us. I just wanted to end the relationship, and he pretty much decided not to be in my life anymore after that, which has been fine. We haven't run into each other at all. But it was a surprise to me that he would be a roadblock to someone else buying a house from me...someone whom I still consider a friend. I was surprised to hear my friend last night tell me that Dan has very uncharitable thoughts toward me. That's just shitty. I think back on all the awful things he said about his ex-wife, too. Things I took at his word at the time...but here's the thing: she ended their marriage; not him. I ended our relationship; not him. If the partners in his life have been so awful, why wasn't it he who ended things? I know it's never black and white and of course people stay in bad relationships all the time...but when there's a pattern of "she dumped me, isn't she wretched?" maybe it's time for some introspection? I haven't wished him ill in the time we've been apart. Sometimes I've been curious how he's doing, but he made it clear he wants no interaction with me, and I'm content with that anyway. But today I can't help but be angry with him. I can understand him not wanting to hire me as HIS Realtor, but I wouldn't be in this case, and honestly that's kind of secondary to wtf is he saying to my friends about me now, more than a year out from our breakup, that is so uncharitable? Hrrrnnng.
Anyway, in the grand scheme of things, it's not a big deal, and I'll get over it soon. Hopefully my friends will still work with me if they do buy a house together. If not, I'll be disappointed but understanding, and hopefully they will at least let me refer them to someone else. Right now I'm going to go cardio out some frustrations, and daydream about the life that exists for me when I am a big shot Realtor partnered with a big shot programmer, and the disappointments of my past romantic follies no longer cut so deeply.
