Marching to the beat of a different mandolin

Before I go into detail about today's events, I should mention that I've been fighting a cold since we first got here. It feels mostly like allergies, but basically I have a slight cough and a runny nose. Restricted breathing, but no major discomfort really.

Jess and I both wanted to go to the top of Table Mountain, which pretty much defines the skyline of Cape Town, and is one of those musts for all tourists. We asked around about hiking, and everyone at the hostel said it was a long, steep hike, but easy. Everyone at the hostel is a FUCKING LIAR. Well, it was long and steep. But so not easy. I am an experienced hiker. I don't tucker out easily on treks. I'm enthusiastic and gung ho and I know my limits and needs for a day hike. Well, if I'm given the proper expectations.

Jess opted to ride the cable car, and I'd been told it would take me about an hour to an hour and a half to reach the summit, so I just planned to meet her up there. The trailhead starts with steep stairs, and they never let up. The entire trail was stone stairs. There were no indications of the length of the hike, only the elevation gain of 500m. I was panting a bit, and it was super hot, but there was a nice breeze and I felt very confident that I could do it. I also felt confident that the steps had to end at some point. (They do. The tippy top.) I finished my water before I was halfway up. I stopped to rest several times, and considered retreating, but always ended up chatting with some other tired hiker who assured me that it wouldn't be much farther and that I could have some of their food and water if I needed. At first I refused, but then I fell into hiking with a couple from London, here on their honeymoon. They insisted on hiking with me and sharing their provisions, and I'm incredibly grateful, because I surely wouldn't have made it up without their assistance. At one point, slightly more than halfway up, I had a severe asthma attack and started hyperventilating. I was able to fend off the hyperventilating before it got out of control, but for a while I was in that state where my hands were tingly and I couldn't catch my breath. The honeymooners (Claire and Ian) rested with me for probably 40 minutes, gave me cake, water, and a hat. I then insisted that they go on, and gave them a description of Jess so that they could tell her I was going to be longer than expected, but that I was okay and not to worry. I wasn't sure this was true at the time, though. I was so exhausted that I couldn't imagine hiking another length of what I'd already done, and I was too shaky to head downward, as the descent was very steep. Another couple, Glen and Kiesha, joined us at our resting spot and insisted that they were taking it very slow and would stick with me the rest of the way to the top. They were locals who had done it several times before, but they were having a rough day of it as well, and were in no hurry. For the rest of the way up, we walked together, going about 10 minutes, then resting about 10 minutes. We made friends with lots of other hikers, talked a lot about our respective cultures and travels, and had a really wonderful time. On the one hand, had it not been for the encouragement of strangers, I would've turned back early and taken the cable car up, but once I passed the point of no return, those kind strangers were the ones that made sure I arrived safely at the top.

I'd like to think that my difficulty was a result of my cold and the extreme heat today (93F), but it's also quite possible that I'm just not in the kind of shape that can handle a two hour hike straight up a goddamn mountain. But I did it. Getting to the top was such a wonderful feeling of accomplishment, too. The views were spectacular – this mountain really is right in the center of the city, so we could see all of Cape Town below us, as well as far down the coast. The end was kind of a bitch, though. You reach the top and it finally flattens out for the first time on the entire hike, and you start to feel like you might just live through the day after all, and then you see that to get to the cafe at the top, you have to climb just a little bit more. And I mean CLIMB. There was a chain to hold onto to hoist yourself up the massive boulders on that last little stretch, and I barely had enough strength left to even grip the chain, let alone haul my entire body weight up. But I did it, and I found Jess at the top, and I drank water and ate pizza like I'd never had either before.

I also couldn't resist buying ostrich jerky. I did resist eating it, though. McKenzie's getting a present...

Jess and I took the cable car down the mountain and then we cabbed back to our hostel where we both flopped out. I couldn't sleep, though, as our room was just too fucking hot, so I put on my swimsuit and went down to the pool. I found a family there with a little girl, and said hello as I joined them. The girl, Kiana, instantly called me out – “You're American, aren't you?”

“Yes, I am. Could you tell from the way I talk?”
“Yep. I sometimes like to talk like Americans. HEE HAWWWWWWWW!!!!”

I instantly adored this kid. She was South African, in town with her family for a baby shower. She introduced me to her mom, dad, and uncle, and assured me that even though they were grownups with kids, “they aren't really that old.”

She noticed my tattoo and asked about it. I told her it symbolizes peace, and she put her fingers together and started chanting oms. I loved her even more. We hung out together in the pool for a while, and I chatted with her parents some, then eventually retired to my room to fetch Jess and go get some ice cream. Because on a day as hot as this one, that's really the best thing you can do.

We walked down to Long Street again to get some closing deals at the weekend market – when the craft vendors are closing up for the night, they offer great discounts, so we did the last (probably?) of our shopping, and meandered down Long Street for dinner.

At one point on our walk, I was jabbering on, and Jess stopped me to say “I feel like you have failed to acknowledge what just happened.” I thought she was calling me out for farting, so I apologized, but then she pointed out to me that we had just walked past a pile of shit on the sidewalk. Oh, but not just a pile of shit. A pile of shit inside a pair of silky black undies. We had a grand time envisioning the situation that produced this installment art. Some poor woman was just walking down the street, shat herself, and decided the best course of action was to shed her panties and keep going. Being worn out and hot and also twelve years old, Jess and I thought that this was the funniest thing that has ever happened in the history of the world, and we laughed about it all the way back to our hostel.

We're pretty much down for the count tonight. Tomorrow we have an all-day tour of Cape Peninsula. This involves a stop at Boulders Beach, where all the penguins hang out (we've been warned it smells like bird shit, but whatever, penguins are cute!), a tour of the Cape of Good Hope, and a biking tour of one of the cities down there. I'm not really sure what the itinerary is, but it's all day and it involves natural wonders and biking. And I hope my legs can handle it, because since my hike today, they have been like wet noodles.