It has come to my attention, and I will not say how, that my ex-boyfriend Rafal has been checking up on me via livejournal lately. I am generally unsurprised and indifferent toward this; if I had a way of checking up on him, I might do that too. But it did make me think. I dated Rafal for the majority of high school. You can check on it but it may have been a world record as high school relationships go. I think about that time of my life sometimes and realize what a completely different person I am now. Back then I thought I was a Republican. I worshipped everything my boyfriend did. I worked at American Eagle. I was thinking today how if Rafal was just revisiting my life for the first time how different he would see that I am. But then I got to thinking - maybe not? I mean, I am different, no doubt. But I don't know if I had much of a personality at all back then. No offense to Rafal, this had little to do with him and more to do with being a geeky teenager just trying to fit in. The thing is, I dated this guy from when I was 14 to 17. I lost my virginity, got my driver's license, and applied to college all while I was with him. My grandmother died while we were on our third date, and he stayed with me through the night. These are huge steps in a person's life. I loved him so much. But I can't even remember if he was a Democrat or a Republican, if his parents went to church or not, or any details from his college experience. I'm not saying I forgot these things, I'm saying I don't think we ever discussed them. He never came to my basketball games, even though I played on a team and coached three others. I never visited him at college. He never saw my DI competition, even though we won states and it was the most exciting thing I'd ever done to date. He was most certainly my first love, and my first real heartbreak (though I take the blame for how my heart was broken), yet what was it about each other that we loved? I mean we were nice to each other (most of the time) and I guess that's enough to make you care for another person, but did we really even know each other? Would he be surprised to know that I live in an apartment with three guys, work for a jeweler, am a baseball afficionado, speak Spanish and Greek, go to folk festivals, play guitar, am going to have a niece, call myself a hippie, am marrying a minister? To be fair, I think everyone is surprised that I'm marrying a minister:) Anyhow, Rafal, if you check up on me again, and you feel like responding, I'm curious. Are you surprised at who I am now? I'm not asking you to be, but if you met me today, you think we'd be friends? I think you know how to get in touch with me. You can if you want. If you prefer, I'll even delete this post, but I suppose you'd have to tell me to first.
Peace.
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