What to do with Myself

Since I got to make yesterday my last day, I have about five days of unexpected freedom.  I promised myself that I would be productive in this time, but I didn't get off to the greatest start...definitely stayed in bed until 10:30 playing Ticket to Ride.  But it's kind of an educational game, so I'm going to give myself partial credit...

Days off are so different from weekends.  Weekends are glorious, no doubt, but there's always the pressure of Monday looming.  Even though my job itself was not stressful, there was always the buzzkill of just knowing that I had to be up at 5:30am, and wouldn't see daylight save for my lunch breaks until the next Saturday.  Right now I have a blissful feeling of consequence free lethargy.  I do have plans for the day, and for the week on the whole, so as not to turn into a sloth, but part of those plans include relishing this time of do-nothingness.

The gym I joined had a great special on training sessions, so I purchased three of them, and have my first tonight at 6, which I scheduled before I realized I wouldn't be working this week.  My general preference would be a morning workout, though I'm rather grateful I have the morning to myself today.  Depending on how sore I am after tonight, I will do either a spin, pilates, or bodypump class tomorrow.  I'm making it a goal to step out of my fitness comfort zone and try new things -- I've never done a spin class, and I've only done a few pump classes.  The pilates class they have at this gym is a different style from what I've done before, so it's all new to me really.  I know I'll get better workouts if I go to the classes, so I'm going to try to familiarize myself with as much of it as possible.  I have a 2-mile race on Saturday, which will be fun, but I'd still like to squeeze in a 5K this month if I can find one between all my travels (probably not).  

I'm heading to Shanon's in a little pit to play with Jack and then I'll have a chill evening at home after my workout.  I like this very much.

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Funny how things come full circle.

Last week in WW, we were talking about what you might need to think about if you're following the program but not losing weight.  I raised my hand and said, "You might want to ask yourself if you're being honest with yourself."  I elaborated that I meant are you really working as hard as you give yourself credit for when you exercise?  

WW is working for me.  I'm losing weight at the proper rate, and I've always really stuck closely with the program.  I don't cheat and I don't lie to myself, because I know that will get in the way of my goals.  So I only give myself "full credit" for exercise when I run.  The other stuff I do just isn't as hard as running, so I call running "intense" and everything else "moderate" on the activity scale.  So I call most of my workouts moderate.  But I definitely thought I was in good shape.  I feel fit and confident in my abilities and all that, and when I met with my trainer tonight, I told him that I feel like I'm in good shape, I just want to get better.  Tone up more, drop a few more pounds, be a better runner.  Those are my goals and I hired him because I know I won't push myself as hard as a professional trainer will push me.  
Him:  I love that you like a challenge!
Me:  I didn't say I liked it!  I just know it's good for me.
Him:  Good enough.
Holy shit, you guys.  I should mention that this man is eastern European, and gave me exactly the kind of nightmare workout you would expect from an eastern European fitness professional.  He's awesome and I like him a lot and I am actually looking forward to working out with him more.  But it turns out I haven't been very honest with myself about my fitness level.  I actually had to stop midway through several of the sets he gave me tonight.  Near the end, he had more for me to do, but I actually told him I couldn't.  I really couldn't.  I wasn't just wussing out.  I was getting dizzy and felt like I was about to faint and/or puke.  It was the worst I've ever felt during a workout.  I've had to ask trainers to tone it down for me before, but I've never had to quit.  He assured me that I am actually in much better shape than anyone else he trains, and he was pushing me really hard, and I shouldn't feel bad about this.  I don't know if he was just saying that to be nice or if he meant it...none of the individual exercises he had me do were supremely challenging; it's just that he made me do super long sets with way more weight than I would've selected for myself.  And it was 100% new exercises to me, so my whole body was in a state of wtf?! the whole time.  And my session was at 6pm, so I hadn't had much to eat since a small lunch at noon.  So I understand there were several factors contributing to my ineptitude today, but even so, it was a very humbling experience.  

I wasn't planning to hire this guy beyond the three sessions I got in a deal when I signed up, and it was kind of the most physically miserable I've been without actually being seriously ill, but I see myself wanting to keep working with this trainer long term.  He will keep me from plateauing.  He will give me the pushes I need.  I'm excited about this, even though I know it's going to suck a lot.  No pain, no gain...