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Mar. 17th, 2017 02:32 amI called my mom this evening to get the latest from Charlottesville, and also to share the exciting news that Toby's brother and sister-in-law are expecting their first kid this September. I've only met Toby's family over video calls, but I'm still very excited about adding another nibling to the mix. I'll meet them all this summer, and then will hopefully have a chance to go back with Toby after Christmas, too. We'll see if the finances work out for two Europe trips this year.
Anyway, Mom had a really interesting and unexpected reaction.
"You know, I've been thinking, with how much you love that cat...maybe you and Toby should have one."
!!!!!!
Okay, I don't want kids and my mom knows this. She's not going to pressure me or anything -- she's got enough grandkids to be content -- but she's NEVER encouraged me to have kids before. I was really touched that she said that, even if it isn't something I want at all. It's a real vote of confidence in Toby, too. Which of course he deserves, but I don't expect my parents to give him full marks since they still love McKenzie a lot and also since I really suck at marriage. But her saying that made me feel really good about how *she* feels about Toby. Yay :)
One of my favorite things about Toby from the very start of our relationship was and is how much he adores his nieces and nephews. He is a doting uncle and they love him back. Then couple that with the fact that he doesn't want his own kids, and he's already 90% of the way to being the perfect man for me. I think it's rare you find people who are so enthusiastic and being aunts and uncles who don't want their own kids. So to find someone whose enthusiasm matches mine on both sides of the equation was really a jackpot situation. AND he loves cats. I mean, he's fucking perfect, you know?
In other news, my friend Cristal won her first national bridge championship yesterday. I'm SO happy for her, and also SO jealous. I played with her in the Portland regional and had a great time. It's what got me revved up to want to play more tournaments. She's a stronger player than I am, so I don't harbor illusions that if only I'd been at the NABC, it would've been me...but a lot of my peers have been doing very well at this NABC, and I do feel like if I were competing there, I'd be celebrating my own successes as well. I don't know when I'll get back to nationals, but it won't be this year. Sigh.
Anyway, Mom had a really interesting and unexpected reaction.
"You know, I've been thinking, with how much you love that cat...maybe you and Toby should have one."
!!!!!!
Okay, I don't want kids and my mom knows this. She's not going to pressure me or anything -- she's got enough grandkids to be content -- but she's NEVER encouraged me to have kids before. I was really touched that she said that, even if it isn't something I want at all. It's a real vote of confidence in Toby, too. Which of course he deserves, but I don't expect my parents to give him full marks since they still love McKenzie a lot and also since I really suck at marriage. But her saying that made me feel really good about how *she* feels about Toby. Yay :)
One of my favorite things about Toby from the very start of our relationship was and is how much he adores his nieces and nephews. He is a doting uncle and they love him back. Then couple that with the fact that he doesn't want his own kids, and he's already 90% of the way to being the perfect man for me. I think it's rare you find people who are so enthusiastic and being aunts and uncles who don't want their own kids. So to find someone whose enthusiasm matches mine on both sides of the equation was really a jackpot situation. AND he loves cats. I mean, he's fucking perfect, you know?
In other news, my friend Cristal won her first national bridge championship yesterday. I'm SO happy for her, and also SO jealous. I played with her in the Portland regional and had a great time. It's what got me revved up to want to play more tournaments. She's a stronger player than I am, so I don't harbor illusions that if only I'd been at the NABC, it would've been me...but a lot of my peers have been doing very well at this NABC, and I do feel like if I were competing there, I'd be celebrating my own successes as well. I don't know when I'll get back to nationals, but it won't be this year. Sigh.
The assumptions people make...
Sep. 2nd, 2014 03:15 pmI'm sending a birthday gift to a 3-year-old. I told her dad that it was coming and it won't have my name on it because it's from Amazon but he'll know it's from me. (It's the Eric Carle Seahorse book.)
His reply was "No butt molds!"
Yeah, totally something I would do.
For a toddler.
This is the same dad who is pretty sure his daughter picked up the idea of rubbing pineapples on her armpit (and calling it her "crotch") from me.
Also totally something I would do.
Apparently :)
His reply was "No butt molds!"
Yeah, totally something I would do.
For a toddler.
This is the same dad who is pretty sure his daughter picked up the idea of rubbing pineapples on her armpit (and calling it her "crotch") from me.
Also totally something I would do.
Apparently :)
Shanon is a CHAMP and Jack is CUTE
Aug. 15th, 2014 09:49 pmI left work a little early and came straight to Shanon's house to hang out with Jack so that Brian could go be with his laboring wife. Jack was a little worried and confused at first -- he knows that Sloane is on her way, but he doesn't really grasp why that means Mommy and Daddy aren't at home. But I gave him some cheese, turned on RescueBots, and all signs of concern vanished. Then I got all domestic. I made a pizza for us to share for dinner. Okay, I didn't make it from scratch, but I used the actual oven! It wasn't some microwave copout. I unloaded their clean dishes from the dishwasher, which involved quite a bit of detective work. I think that this was helpful of me, but I'm sure I put some stuff back where they don't expect it to be and will spend many frustrating hours searching for sometime in the future.
While Jack ate and watched his show, I used Shanon's computer to do a few of my real estate courses. Jack would occasionally ask me to get him something, and he usually said "please" and "thank you" without being prompted at all, but once he asked me to get him more juice and told me "you're welcome" when I gave it to him. Still, though, I was super impressed with his manners. He is a notorious fit-thrower, so his pleasant demeanor was a very nice surprise.
When he finished his dinner, I asked him if he would come with me to my house so I could get some things to stay overnight. He was gung ho, and said "thank you" about seven times as I secured him in his car seat. Then I got in and sat in the driver's seat checking my phone for a moment before we got going. He became concerned that I hadn't buckled up yet, and reminded me to do so. Aww. (I hadn't started the car yet. Setting the caring-about-your-seatbelt example is very important to me!) We drove to my house and he babbled mostly things I couldn't understand, but I asked him some questions about Transformers and he was more than happy to ramble on and on about them.
The neighborhood kids were out playing when we got to my place, and Jack wanted to play with them. Shanon called at that moment, so I turned him loose with the other kids while I talked to her. She said she had had the epidural, but still wasn't dilated much and didn't think anything would happen soon. She was frustrated and missed her son, so she asked me to send a few pictures. While Jack was playing with the neighbor kids, one of them asked him if I was his mom. He said "yep!" :) When there was a lull in the kiddie conversation, Jack broke it by saying "thank you" to no one in particular. The neighbor kids just rolled with it and said "you're welcome!" I got my things and loaded him back in the car. Can I just say that I am a champ at carseat buckling? I rock at it...for someone who doesn't have kids, anyway. I think most moms can do that shit with their hands full and eyes closed while talking on the phone to someone with a thick foreign accent, but as far as ordinary childless plebes go, I'm awesome at carseats.
We walked Sam when we got home, and Jack said "thank you" to all the neighbors that we saw. He also thanked me for picking up Sam's poop, about which he wanted to have an extensive conversation. "How many poops?" "Is it smelly?" "Does he have to go some more?" We walked by two tall plants of some sort, and Jack spoke to them. "Hi Mommy!" he said to the first plant, and then "Hi Daddy!" to the one next to it. "I miss you, Mommy. I miss you, Daddy. Byebye! Thank you!"
Back at home, we did the bedtime thing, and I was texting Shanon throughout asking where things were and how the routine should go. She wasn't always super responsive, but the flow of the conversation was such that I didn't believe much was happening vaginawise. Then there was the following exchange:
M: Do you throw the dirty diapers in the trash or do you have a special receptacle for them?
<<10ish minutes of radio silence>>
S: {picture of a newborn} Just toss the diapers in any trash can. Sloane's here!
It was just so matter-of-fact. Like lalala sippy cups are in the upper left cabinet, Jack will want to sleep with his Optimus Prime toy, diapers in the trash, oh btw I had a baby, help yourself to anything in the fridge...
I read stories with Jack and tucked him in, and he was super cooperative about the whole bath and bed business. Said "thank you" a bunch more times...he's snoozing contentedly now.
So baby Sloane is here, and I will bring Jack to meet her at the hospital tomorrow afternoon. I have a massage appointment at 1, so Shanon arranged a half-day play date for him so that I could keep my appointment. I didn't tell her it was for a massage...just that I had something going on. I feel like an asshole taking time off to get a massage when she's just birthed a human. But I made the appointment a while ago, and dammit I want a massage. And she wouldn't be mad at me or anything, but I know she's in pain and tired and all that so I'm not gonna be like PEACE OUT, HOMIE, TIME TO PAMPER MYSELF. Not out loud, anyway.
I'll be aunt-on-call as long as Shanon is in the hospital, but I'm not sure if Brian is going to stay there another night or not. I may be staying here for another night or two. I'm really excited to take Jack to meet his baby sister. I'm not sure he understands just what is happening. He knows he's getting a new sister named Sloane, and he knows that Sloane was in his mommy's belly, but I'm not sure that he understands that Sloane comes out as an infant. I think the concept is just abstract to him. Anyway tomorrow should be fun, and I'm excited to meet my new niecelet, too.
While Jack ate and watched his show, I used Shanon's computer to do a few of my real estate courses. Jack would occasionally ask me to get him something, and he usually said "please" and "thank you" without being prompted at all, but once he asked me to get him more juice and told me "you're welcome" when I gave it to him. Still, though, I was super impressed with his manners. He is a notorious fit-thrower, so his pleasant demeanor was a very nice surprise.
When he finished his dinner, I asked him if he would come with me to my house so I could get some things to stay overnight. He was gung ho, and said "thank you" about seven times as I secured him in his car seat. Then I got in and sat in the driver's seat checking my phone for a moment before we got going. He became concerned that I hadn't buckled up yet, and reminded me to do so. Aww. (I hadn't started the car yet. Setting the caring-about-your-seatbelt example is very important to me!) We drove to my house and he babbled mostly things I couldn't understand, but I asked him some questions about Transformers and he was more than happy to ramble on and on about them.
The neighborhood kids were out playing when we got to my place, and Jack wanted to play with them. Shanon called at that moment, so I turned him loose with the other kids while I talked to her. She said she had had the epidural, but still wasn't dilated much and didn't think anything would happen soon. She was frustrated and missed her son, so she asked me to send a few pictures. While Jack was playing with the neighbor kids, one of them asked him if I was his mom. He said "yep!" :) When there was a lull in the kiddie conversation, Jack broke it by saying "thank you" to no one in particular. The neighbor kids just rolled with it and said "you're welcome!" I got my things and loaded him back in the car. Can I just say that I am a champ at carseat buckling? I rock at it...for someone who doesn't have kids, anyway. I think most moms can do that shit with their hands full and eyes closed while talking on the phone to someone with a thick foreign accent, but as far as ordinary childless plebes go, I'm awesome at carseats.
We walked Sam when we got home, and Jack said "thank you" to all the neighbors that we saw. He also thanked me for picking up Sam's poop, about which he wanted to have an extensive conversation. "How many poops?" "Is it smelly?" "Does he have to go some more?" We walked by two tall plants of some sort, and Jack spoke to them. "Hi Mommy!" he said to the first plant, and then "Hi Daddy!" to the one next to it. "I miss you, Mommy. I miss you, Daddy. Byebye! Thank you!"
Back at home, we did the bedtime thing, and I was texting Shanon throughout asking where things were and how the routine should go. She wasn't always super responsive, but the flow of the conversation was such that I didn't believe much was happening vaginawise. Then there was the following exchange:
M: Do you throw the dirty diapers in the trash or do you have a special receptacle for them?
<<10ish minutes of radio silence>>
S: {picture of a newborn} Just toss the diapers in any trash can. Sloane's here!
It was just so matter-of-fact. Like lalala sippy cups are in the upper left cabinet, Jack will want to sleep with his Optimus Prime toy, diapers in the trash, oh btw I had a baby, help yourself to anything in the fridge...
I read stories with Jack and tucked him in, and he was super cooperative about the whole bath and bed business. Said "thank you" a bunch more times...he's snoozing contentedly now.
So baby Sloane is here, and I will bring Jack to meet her at the hospital tomorrow afternoon. I have a massage appointment at 1, so Shanon arranged a half-day play date for him so that I could keep my appointment. I didn't tell her it was for a massage...just that I had something going on. I feel like an asshole taking time off to get a massage when she's just birthed a human. But I made the appointment a while ago, and dammit I want a massage. And she wouldn't be mad at me or anything, but I know she's in pain and tired and all that so I'm not gonna be like PEACE OUT, HOMIE, TIME TO PAMPER MYSELF. Not out loud, anyway.
I'll be aunt-on-call as long as Shanon is in the hospital, but I'm not sure if Brian is going to stay there another night or not. I may be staying here for another night or two. I'm really excited to take Jack to meet his baby sister. I'm not sure he understands just what is happening. He knows he's getting a new sister named Sloane, and he knows that Sloane was in his mommy's belly, but I'm not sure that he understands that Sloane comes out as an infant. I think the concept is just abstract to him. Anyway tomorrow should be fun, and I'm excited to meet my new niecelet, too.
Shanty Baby
Jun. 1st, 2014 08:02 pmKerry, Jill, and Nina are visiting Portland this week. I wish the timing was such that I had more time to run around with them, but I did get to spend all day today with them. We started at Voodoo, moved on to Saturday Market, the fountains at Waterfront Park, and then a lovely food cart lunch. Tonight, I'm babysitting Nina while K&J have a date night. She's about 2.75 years old, and she's super duper cute. She's very sweet, and happy to play with me -- but I'm tired so she's watching videos now while I rest my weary old lady body from all our playing. I love that she digs me so much, but I get the feeling she's the kind of kid who loves everyone, so I'm not sure if I should feel special. Still, she's got a great smile and I'm happy she's sharing it with me. I may have spent several minutes playing in the fountain with her this morning. It may even have been my idea to go into the fountain. I've always wanted an excuse to do that, but I was never at the park with a kid :P
Portland parents, I will always be happy to take your kid to play in the fountains.
There are fountains at the Downtown Mall in Charlottesville which are certainly just for landscaping purposes and not for children to play in, but when I was a kid (and, okay, still), I always felt drawn to play in any water I saw. My parents would never let me play in the fountains, but when I was out with my brothers...heh, heh. It didn't bother them to have a soaking wet toddler on their hands.
I know that at some point after infancy, parents let their kids explore the world more and more, bit by bit, and don't hover all the time, but when I'm responsible for little ones, I tend to hover. This kid's not getting hurt on my watch! But when I think how closely I feel like I need to watch children in my care, and then I think back to the fact that my parents left my teenage brothers to look after me so much of the time...did they actually want me to survive to adulthood? Heh. Somehow I made it.
Portland parents, I will always be happy to take your kid to play in the fountains.
There are fountains at the Downtown Mall in Charlottesville which are certainly just for landscaping purposes and not for children to play in, but when I was a kid (and, okay, still), I always felt drawn to play in any water I saw. My parents would never let me play in the fountains, but when I was out with my brothers...heh, heh. It didn't bother them to have a soaking wet toddler on their hands.
I know that at some point after infancy, parents let their kids explore the world more and more, bit by bit, and don't hover all the time, but when I'm responsible for little ones, I tend to hover. This kid's not getting hurt on my watch! But when I think how closely I feel like I need to watch children in my care, and then I think back to the fact that my parents left my teenage brothers to look after me so much of the time...did they actually want me to survive to adulthood? Heh. Somehow I made it.
Because I said so now stfu!
Jul. 10th, 2013 08:39 pmI'm pretty good with kids, it turns out. The neighborhood kids love me for no particular reason at all, and today when I was taking out the trash, they swarmed me to chat and ask questions. That's what kids do. And good for them. Asking questions is totally the way to figure out the world and your place in it, and if your kid isn't asking questions, that's probably cause for concern. But there are only so many questions I can answer about the contents of my garage. There's just not much to it, and what is in there is mostly stuff that came with the house. So I just don't fucking know why that shelf is there or what that hook is for. And there are only so many ways I can explain why we have a tennis ball hanging down the middle of the garage (so I don't accidentally drive into the living room; so I know when to stop; because the garage is too small; because I am a bad driver). Turns out, kids have more ways of asking (ie, infinite "why?" loops) than I have of explaining. As much as I am in favor of encouraging curiosity, and as much as I have always despised the parental "because I said so," this barrage of questions made it clear to me why so many parents resort to that horrible answer. The truth is, they probably already did answer the question in the first place, maybe even five or fifty times already, the kid just wasn't ever satisfied with what should be a perfectly good answer. You know what's more annoying than "because I said so"? The fortieth repetition of "why?"
New idea to break the cycle -- I didn't try this tonight, but I also didn't break down and say "because!" at all, but I imagine if children were a more constant presence in my life, I'd surely reach the limits of my patience with the why loop before long. I propose that the conversation go like this:
Kid: Why is _______?
You: Because [reason]
Kid: Why?
You: [dumb it down a bit]
Kid: Why?
You: I have already explained the answer as well as I know how. Can you be specific about what it is you don't understand; what you want to know more about?
Kid: Why?
You: Fuck you.
I have hope that this method will be effective! Parents, let me know if you run any trials :)
New idea to break the cycle -- I didn't try this tonight, but I also didn't break down and say "because!" at all, but I imagine if children were a more constant presence in my life, I'd surely reach the limits of my patience with the why loop before long. I propose that the conversation go like this:
Kid: Why is _______?
You: Because [reason]
Kid: Why?
You: [dumb it down a bit]
Kid: Why?
You: I have already explained the answer as well as I know how. Can you be specific about what it is you don't understand; what you want to know more about?
Kid: Why?
You: Fuck you.
I have hope that this method will be effective! Parents, let me know if you run any trials :)
